Chapter 1: What bar stories are shared in this episode?
Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard and I'm joined by Buck Rogers.
Hello.
Today we have crazy bar stories. Bars are very fertile ground.
I mean, nothing, well, I shouldn't say nothing good happens.
People find their soulmates at bars.
Me cute.
Yes. But alas, that's not these types of stories. You know, we have every version of depravity happening. So please enjoy crazy bar stories.
You see me? Oh, we can see you.
We can hear you. What is this sound dampening you've put up? Are those trifold mattresses? What are those?
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Chapter 2: What challenges does the head of security face at the bar?
And I saw that coming. So I put my head down and he hit right on the top. So I don't know if you know that would hurt him a lot.
Yeah, his hand's broken for sure.
Definitely, yeah. After that, he can let go of her. I punched him two more times. I used my left hand. I had him in the temple. And then I had him right below the nose. I also heard something crack.
Oh, okay.
He goes down and he has blood everywhere. He's looking at me and I see that he's missing a tooth. So that was the crack. So I turned to the girl and I say, we should go. And I'll never forget the way she looked at me. She turns to me and she has two swollen eyes. She's looking at me and she goes, I want to stay here with my boyfriend.
Oh, that makes me so sad.
Yeah, I didn't quite know what to say to that. I felt really bad. But then I look over and I see my boss. He's outside the door and he's like, get back in here, Justin, right now. I told her I was going to go call the police. So I ran in there and I get my phone. I called 911 and talked to them and they said they were going to come away.
When I got off the phone, I looked out there and all three of them were gone.
Ugh.
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Chapter 3: How does the security guard intervene in a fight outside the bar?
It was pretty bad to look at it. And the circle was down low, but the infection was higher.
Had gone up past your wrist? Yeah, only about eight hours after all that happened.
oh my god what was he carrying a rabies i wish he was drinking more alcohol might have uh yeah yeah i decided to go back to the hospital and when i walked into the door to the left was the emergency room to the right was urgent care so i was like i'm gonna go to urgent care because emergency room is packed right now i walked in there and i talked to a nurse and she's getting you all my information and i told her i was there earlier today technically she looks at my hand and she goes oh
And she drops everything and she brings me into the emergency room and then I get to the top of the list. So I go in right away. When I see a doctor, he looks at me and goes, okay, you're probably going to need surgery. So they got me hooked up on IV antibiotics. And a little bit later, I had a surgeon come in.
and talked to me, and he looks at it, he goes, okay, so this is what we're gonna do, and we're gonna put you under, you're probably gonna stay here for a night or two. About an hour later, they bring me down to get surgery. I think the surgery was about an hour and a half. When I woke up, the surgeon was there, and he was talking to me.
He goes, you're very lucky that you came in when you did, because you could have had a finger or your hand amputated. from how bad it was infected.
I sent pictures. So wait, they went in there and they actually had to like cut out the infection. I thought you were about to tell me they extracted the tooth from your hand. Oh, gosh.
I was like, oh my God, the tooth lodged in his hand. Oh, that would have been horrible. He probably swallowed it.
Wait, yeah, so they cut out.
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Chapter 4: What happens when the police get involved after a bar incident?
He was the security and the owner and the bartender. Yeah. And he got to see a lot of action. I was jealous. Well, Justin, I'm glad that there are people wired like you and I that would intervene in a situation like that. And then, of course, I'm heartbroken by the girl who wants to stay with the guy.
It's so upsetting. But also, you know, there's a lot of stats around that. Like she would have been killed probably if she did not say that or do that. Like it's a really horrible situation. I don't have any answers, but it's yeah.
Yeah. Can I do a shout out? Of course. My significant other, Sarah, she was supposed to be here to watch her son while I was doing this, but I got the times wrong. I forgot it was Pacific time.
Oh, sure. Central time.
She's the one that told me to submit it. She's the one that got me to start listening years ago. And I think Monica would really like her because you guys have a very similar personality, but she's also a physical therapist.
Oh, I love her. I just add her to my PT collection.
PT club. The two other people would be our friends, Amber and Ethan. They're the ones that got us to start listening to your podcast.
Oh, thank you, Amber and Ethan. Yes, we appreciate all of them.
Keep converting people, Amber and Ethan. I have a lot of people who are going to start listening because I was like, I'm going to be on there.
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Chapter 5: What are the consequences of using a fake ID at a bar?
All right. Well, lovely meeting you, Casey. You too. Have a good one. Take care.
Hello. Hello. Can you hear me?
Yes. Is it Leah or Lee?
Lee.
You just never know with these spellings.
It's tough. I was excited for you guys to guess. I get Leah a lot. I get Lay a lot.
Lay is inappropriate, but Leah and Lee, that's tricky.
How do you spell Leah? Leah, Lay, Leah. Lay? Leah. No, Leah. How do you spell Leah?
L-E-A-H, usually.
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Chapter 6: How does the group strategize to get into the bar with fake IDs?
We get to the bar and this is the bar on campus. Okay, Rick's. American Cafe for all my fellow Spartans.
I'm going to ask my sister about this. My sister is a MSU graduate.
She will know. It is a basement bar, as all good college bars are. And the way it's set up is you kind of can see the front door and that's it because you immediately go down the steps. So the line goes out and around the corner and you have to wait outside until you get to the bouncer and go in. So we've got our group of all my teammates and we are strategizing here.
We've got someone who's 21 with a real ID first, then me, then someone else who's 21. You know, we're intermingling the fakes. We think this is going to help us.
I co-sign on this. Thank you. Appreciate that.
We're there and we are strategizing. And while we're in line, we're all studying. Everyone who's underage is studying their info, right? Address, what's your date of birth? What's your full name? What's your middle name? What's your hometown? All the things. And Janine is locked in as Haley. She's ready to go. And we decide, because this is her first time using fake, she's going to go very last.
Because the rumor is kind of like, if you're cool with the bouncer, even if he turns you away, usually they'll give you your ID back and just say... I know this is fake, scurry off. She's like, I'll just go back to the dorms if I don't get in. So we get up to the bouncer. Somebody goes, they get in. I go, I get in. Next person goes in.
And then we look at Janine and we're all kind of trying to like creep down the steps so that we can hear what's happening. Sweetie Petey, little farm town. She's been peer pressured into using a fake ID really is what's happening here. She hands over the ID and immediately the bouncer looks at it, smirks and goes, how do you know Haley?
Fuck. Yeah.
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Chapter 7: What unexpected events occur during a night out at the bar?
Where are you at in the world?
Outside of Washington, D.C. and Northern Virginia. Oh, okay.
Wonderful. What kind of weather do you have over there right now?
It's a little chilly, but the sun is starting to come back out. So I'm slowly getting out of my seasonal depression.
Oh, good. I'm happy for you.
Driving with the windows down yet?
Yes. Sunroof wide open.
Oh, it's a big, big moment.
You know, in my planner, I have to write down what I'm grateful for every day.
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