Armchair Anonymous: Bar Stories
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What bar stories are shared in this episode?
Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard and I'm joined by Buck Rogers.
Hello.
Today we have crazy bar stories. Bars are very fertile ground.
I mean, nothing, well, I shouldn't say nothing good happens.
People find their soulmates at bars.
Me cute.
Yes. But alas, that's not these types of stories. You know, we have every version of depravity happening. So please enjoy crazy bar stories.
You see me? Oh, we can see you.
We can hear you. What is this sound dampening you've put up? Are those trifold mattresses? What are those?
No, it's a nugget. I don't know if you guys know what those are. It's for kids. You can basically make little shapes for them to climb on. Each one is about 18 inches thick.
Oh, and they're big cubes, kind of. That's fine. Oh, wow. Where are you, Justin?
I'm in central Wisconsin right now. When did you move there? I moved here about three years ago, I'd say. From where? Minneapolis, where the story takes place.
Oh, okay. So you have a bar story. Please walk us through it.
All right. So to set the stage, this was back in December of 2018. I was working in downtown Minneapolis as head of security, and I was head of security for about six months at the time at a bar. At that time, it was more of like a college place where kids would come from the U of M and go party. So it was pretty busy. I broke up a lot of fights, literally almost daily. One time I had to go to the hospital due to another injury.
Can I ask really quick two questions? How common is it to have to have a head of security? Is that just because it was a college town, do you think? Or is that common in Minneapolis? It's pretty common. Oh, okay. And then second, how do you qualify for the job? Like, what's the interview like? How are they determining whether or not you can handle your business?
They've seen me before. I've broken up quite a lot of fights. Okay, great, great. So one night at about... 2.30 in the morning after the bars close, me and one of my security guards, we take one of the barricades and we're going to go around the building to put it into the garage where we put all the barricades and heat lamps. When we go around the corner, I see two men punching one woman. Oh my goodness. Oh boy. Oh boy. I hesitated for a second because I remember my boss constantly told us, do not break up fights that are outside because liability issues. Only do it inside. But I'm not going to let two men beat up a woman. So I dropped the barricade and I ran over there and tried to pull off one of the guys.
He tried to punch me, but I was sober and he definitely was not. So I kind of just stepped back. He missed. I kicked him in the stomach and I punched him in the face and I pushed him over. My other security guard went over there and held him there for a minute. And then I turned to the other guy. He has a handful of her shirt just holding it. And he's about to punch. And he kind of looks my way and he sees me. And he starts going towards me to punch.
What challenges does the head of security face at the bar?
And I saw that coming. So I put my head down and he hit right on the top. So I don't know if you know that would hurt him a lot.
Yeah, his hand's broken for sure.
Definitely, yeah. After that, he can let go of her. I punched him two more times. I used my left hand. I had him in the temple. And then I had him right below the nose. I also heard something crack.
Oh, okay.
He goes down and he has blood everywhere. He's looking at me and I see that he's missing a tooth. So that was the crack. So I turned to the girl and I say, we should go. And I'll never forget the way she looked at me. She turns to me and she has two swollen eyes. She's looking at me and she goes, I want to stay here with my boyfriend.
Oh, that makes me so sad.
Yeah, I didn't quite know what to say to that. I felt really bad. But then I look over and I see my boss. He's outside the door and he's like, get back in here, Justin, right now. I told her I was going to go call the police. So I ran in there and I get my phone. I called 911 and talked to them and they said they were going to come away. When I got off the phone, I looked out there and all three of them were gone.
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Chapters
7 chapters
1
What bar stories are shared in this episode?
0:00–2:56
2
What challenges does the head of security face at the bar?
2:56–4:52
3
How does the security guard intervene in a fight outside the bar?
4:52–9:44
4
What happens when the police get involved after a bar incident?
9:44–21:04
5
What are the consequences of using a fake ID at a bar?
21:04–26:15
6
How does the group strategize to get into the bar with fake IDs?
26:15–35:25
7
What unexpected events occur during a night out at the bar?
35:25–44:45