Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet
Episodes
176: Reviews of American Girl Doll Locations
13 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Fingers crossed you don't judge our live shows based on how heavy the doors are...New merch including a Pigoin pin!!! https://store.dftba.com/collecti...
175: Reviews of Exterminators
06 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Your Bootylicious hosts are back!! TGBTG!! PTL!!Tour Tickets: beachtoosandy.com/tourXandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschieferXtine's Etsy: https://www.e...
174: Etsy Reviews
30 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Listen to the Psychic Psyblings and their ramblings. And don't forget to see them live in Ohio!Tour Tickets: beachtoosandy.com/tourXandy's Stream: twi...
Between You And Us: Episode 34
28 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Tour Tickets: beachtoosandy.com/tourXandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschieferXtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/hauntedtofuCheck out our Instagram:...
173: Reviews of Rainforest Cafe
23 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Or should we say, Reviews of Cracker Barrel Jungle Excursion?Tour Tickets: beachtoosandy.com/tourXandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschieferXtine's Etsy: ...
172: Reviews of Coffee Shops in Amsterdam
16 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
In this chaotic episode, we discover that corpses do not be Gucci...Tour Tickets: beachtoosandy.com/tourXandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschieferXtine's...
171: Reviews of Hard Rock Cafe
09 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Rollin' down the street, smokin' indo, sippin' on Hennessy and sunscreen.Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschieferXtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/sho...
170: Reviews of Benihana
02 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
We also talk about Hooters' best selling items! *checks notes* Uh milk and baked beans...Check out our Instagram: instagram.com/beachtoosandySupport u...
Between You And Us: Episode 33
28 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Aunts and ants alike will LOVE this episode.For more bonus content, check out our Patreon: patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Check out our merch! https://stor...
169: Reviews of Halls of Fame
23 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
We hope this episode makes you giggle galore until you can't breathe.Check out the mascot photos on Instagram: instagram.com/beachtoosandySupport us o...
168: Reviews of Sushi Restaurants in Landlocked States
16 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
The biggest paradox is that two people who don't know what they're talking about... talk for a living. Did we finally use that word right?Support us o...
167: Reviews of Shein Products
09 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
See pics of some of these ridiculous products on our Instagram! instagram.com/beachtoosandySupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Get your...
166: Reviews of Phone Repair Shops
02 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
While you're out shopping for Bitch Too Sandy perfume, be sure to pick up Christine's latest book: Costumer Service 101!Support us on Patreon at patre...
Between You And Us: Episode 32
31 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
What's good for the goose is good for this podcast.For more bonus content, check out our Patreon: patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Check out our merch! https...
165: Reviews of Perfumes
26 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
BITCH TOO SANDY... coming soon to a department store near you!Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Get your Warning: Contains Sexy Stuff...
164: Revisiting Old Friends
19 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Come down to the Lizard Hole! Tonight's entertainment is Christine singing and Xandy playing game show host again...Support us on Patreon at patreon.c...
163: Reviews of Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville
12 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
If you want a full version of 'Toes in the Sand,' let us know and we'll give you recommendations for therapists.Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/b...
162: Reviews of Helen, Georgia
05 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Throw on your airbrushed lederhosen, because we're going tubbing!Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Get your Warning: Contains Sexy St...
Between You And Us: Episode 31
31 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
You know what they say... Whatever can't kill you is a terrible product.For more bonus content, check out our Patreon: patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Check...
161: Reviews of Lighthouses
29 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
What is a lighthouse if not a house with a light on it?Check out Xandy's TikTok lighthouse adventures: https://tiktok.com/@xandyschieferGet your Warni...
160: Reviews of Ornaments
22 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
You can tell we're handling the holidays well when we're wishing you a Happy New Year over a week early...Check out Xandy's TikTok lighthouse adventur...
159: Holiday Reviews
15 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Gather round as we try to figure out the true meaning behind Mensch on the Bench.Check out Xandy's TikTok lighthouse adventures: https://tiktok.com/@x...
158: QVC Holiday Special
08 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Want to join the sisterhood of the traveling poopy pants? Listen to the episode to find out how!Check out our Instagram for holiday pine cone ideas: i...
157: Reviews of Christmas Tree Farms
01 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Ding dong!Check out our Instagram to see how our Christmas Tree shopping went: instagram.com/beachtoosandyGet your Warning: Contains Sexy Stuff merch ...
Between You And Us: Episode 30
30 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
For more bonus content, check out our Patreon: patreon.com/beachtoosandy!Check out our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-wate...
156: Subway or Subway?
24 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Enjoy this game show style episode that has all the brown fixins you can ask for!Get your Warning: Contains Sexy Stuff merch here: https://store.dftba...
155: Reviews of Subway Sandwiches
17 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
This week, Xandy talks about his biggest shame while Christine judges as if she's never catfished anyone before...Get your Warning: Contains Sexy Stuf...
154: Reviews of Subway Stations
10 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Go see pics of Xandy at The Transit Museum: instagram.com/beachtoosandyGet your Warning: Contains Sexy Stuff merch here: https://store.dftba.com/colle...
153: Rate My Professors
03 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Please give us some chili peppers, it'd make us so happie!Get your Warning: Contains Sexy Stuff merch here: https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-...
152: Reviews of Halloween Attractions
27 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
If you look up in the night sky, you just may see the siblings Schiefer flying by.Get your Warning: Contains Sexy Stuff merch here: https://store.dftb...
Between You And Us: Episode 29
25 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Between talks of foreplay and vacuums, this episode really sucks.Check out our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-we...
151: Reviews of Halloween Costumes
20 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Lovely Clown Xandy coming to a party near you!Get your Warning: Contains Sexy Stuff merch here: https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-wa...
150: Reviews of Halloween Movies
13 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Christine is one step closer to her final form: White Mist.Get your Warning: Contains Sexy Stuff merch here: https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach...
149: Pumpkin Reviews
06 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Christine finally admits she wouldn't fly to Maine to teach a child about the birds and the bees.Get your Warning: Contains Sexy Stuff merch here: htt...
148: The Ultimate Karen
29 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
While Xandy was busy browsing our subreddit, Christine went down a rabbit hole of misery. Enjoy!Get your Warning: Contains Sexy Stuff merch here: http...
Between You And Us: Episode 28
27 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Don't forget to wear goggles if you approach Xandy in public!Check out our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSup...
147: Reviews of Whale Watching
22 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Someone PLEASE erect a statue of Xandy...Get your Warning: Contains Sexy Stuff merch here: https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-t...
146: Reviews of Beanie Babies
15 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
We apologize for the bummer parade we're about to take you on...Get your Warning: Contains Sexy Stuff merch here: https://store.dftba.com/collections/...
145: Reviews of Airports
08 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
This week we learn that Christine and Xandy should never be in a cockpit together.Get your Warning: Contains Sexy Stuff merch here: https://store.dftb...
144: Reviews of Cracker Barrels
01 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
You've been asking for it, and it's here! Get your Warning: Contains Sexy Stuff merch here: https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-...
Between You And Us: Episode 27
31 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
The devil smiles as another bonus episode is released.Check out our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us...
143: Reviews of Minor League Baseball Stadiums
25 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Toasty please hit Xandy up. He won't stop talking about you.Check out our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupp...
142: Reviews of Public Art
18 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
If enough people sign up for our Patreon, maybe we can afford to commission a new vein on Blucifer's penis.Check out our merch! https://store.dftba.co...
141: Reviews of Storage Facilities
11 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Fingers crossed no one finds out we, just like Barry on Storage Wars, get paid for what we do...Check out our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collectio...
140: Reviews of Candle Stores
04 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Please don't yank your candle while listening to this episode.Check out our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSu...
Between You And Us: Episode 26
31 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Oalf is a bad role model.Check out our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/be...
139: Reviews of Truck Stops
28 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Christine found another forum to explore, which means Xandy is one step closer to quitting the podcast...Check out our merch! https://store.dftba.com/...
138: Reviews of Ripley's Believe It or Not!
21 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Picture if you will a podcast, where, believe it or not, they discuss big honkers.Check out our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-s...
137: Reviews of Car Rentals
14 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
We're here for more bible analysis. With maybe a review or two sprinkled in...Check out our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy...
136: Reviews of Islands
07 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
The footnote to Christine's life is her pending patent for a new form of animated candy dispenser.Check out our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collect...
135: Reviews of Pride Merch
30 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Don't be so naive...Check out our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachto...
Between You And Us: Episode 25
29 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Beans be bussinCheck out our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosand...
Between You And Us: Episode 24
28 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Listen to this episode to for tips on how to keep Joe Biden away from your hard case luggage!Check out our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/...
134: Reviews of Dick's Last Resorts
23 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
We finally find reviews where people are upset they didn't get verbally abused. What is this podcast coming to?Check out our merch! https://store.dftb...
133: Reviews of Gay Bars
16 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Isn't it strange how when you're in Anchorage, AK things aren't quite the same as they are in New York, NY? Ugh better write a one-star review about i...
132: Reviews of Public Pools
09 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Just a couple of siblings who've been gathering filth since the 90s. If anyone asks, we came up with that.Check out our new merch! https://store.dftba...
131: Reviews of the Gaylord Opryland
02 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
If you feel like a gay royal on a pride float, this episode is for you! If you like raisins, this episode is not for you!Check out our new merch! http...
130: Reviews of the Mall of America
26 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
:~| 8~| 8~/ :~(Check out our new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoo...
129: Reviews of Obscure Museums
19 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
How will I tell my children that these podcasters were not cats?Check out our new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too...
128: World's Largest Landmarks
12 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Wow, we finally did it y'all. We proved that evolution isn't real and Darwin is a false prophet. Time to praise the Oklahoma Peanut Princess instead!C...
127: Nurseries Plants Garden Centers Seeds? and Seeds Germination Germination! Etsy Etsy Etsy Plant Sellers Plant Sales
05 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Christine is pregnant!!!! But more importantly, Alex is on Tinder.Check out our new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-t...
126: Diners on Route 66
28 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
XylophoneANDYCheck out our new poster! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoos...
Between You And Us: Episode 23
26 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In our humble but honorable opinions, it's about time ski resorts start serving nachos. PERIDOT.Check out our new poster! https://store.dftba.com/coll...
125: Pasty Shops in Michigan
21 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Interested in Jared Leto and Marky Mark's nipples? This is the episode for you! Oh wait, wrong type of pasties...Check out our new poster! https://sto...
124: Reviews of Escape Rooms
14 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Not sure if Christine's casket story is something I need to talk to the police about or not... Please advise.Check out our new poster! https://store.d...
123: Lil Nas X
07 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
This week we talk about the latest flash in the satanic panic. His name is Montero and he worships pentagons or pentagrams or something. Enjoy the art...
122: Reviews of Churches
31 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Catch us in Spotify's new playlist: Podcasts brought down by Scientology. Hopefully we can still make it as minions at a megachurch!Check out our new ...
Between You And Us: Episode 22
29 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
We're reading reviews sent in by you! To send your favorite reviews in, write to [email protected] with the subject "Between You and Us"Check ou...
121: Reviews of Fish Fries
24 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
If you don't pray to the tabernacle of Betsy or Fish Fry Daddy, then what're you doing with your life? Probably poppin' pillies and listening to Tupac...
120: Bagel Shops in New York, New York
17 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
To anyone who wants to buy the rights to Boris' Yelp account for their dissertation, please get in touch. Oh and FBI, you're welcome for finding the Z...
119: Reviews of Crystal Shops
10 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Christine is throwing stinging bites at reviewers while Alex wonders where you were all conceived.Check out our new poster! https://store.dftba.com/co...
118: Reviews of Six Flags
03 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
The demonic Foghorn Leghorn rises from his coffin after 30 hours of eating cockroaches. Bert and Ernie quake in fear.Check out our new poster! https:/...
117: Valentine's Day Reviews
24 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
This episode will have you believing in love and God. We hope it makes you ripple ;)Check out our new poster! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beac...
116: Poutineries in Canada
17 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
A lot is resting on this wiener.Check out our new poster! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon at pa...
115: Reviews of Girl Scout Cookies
10 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
We almost titled this episode "The Girl Scouts Trip to the Slaughterhouse."Check out our new poster! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-san...
Between You And Us: Episode 21
08 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
We're reading reviews sent in by you! Including possibly our least favorite review of all time... #FrozenHaters #IHateFrozen To send your favorite rev...
114: Reviews of Renaissance Fairs
03 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Warning: atheists and jugglers ahead. Don't say the town crier didn't warn you...Check out our new poster! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-t...
113: Government Buildings in Hawaii
27 Jan 2021
Contributed by Lukas
I would not buy this for my cat. I would not buy this for my hat. I do not like it, Sam I am.Check out our new poster! https://store.dftba.com/collect...
112: Reviews of Music Venues
20 Jan 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Please consider contributing to the fundraiser for Milan Loncar: https://www.gofundme.com/f/milans-memoryFollow us on TikTok! tiktok.com/@beachtoosand...
Between You And Us: Episode 20
18 Jan 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Hello plebs.. plubs? We're ready reviews you found on the internet and sent to us! To send yours in write to [email protected] with the subject ...
111: Reviews of Golden Corral
13 Jan 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Grab your pizgetlovy and stay close to the bathroom, because we've immune system compromising reviews to read ya!Check out our merch! https://store.df...
110: Ghost Towns in Texas
06 Jan 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Wait... what's that noise? Oh god Vicki's coming! Hurry, climb up the rocks. No, the colorful ones! But wait, don't forget to ask first. Oh no it's to...
109: New Year Reviews
30 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
*bomb* *cross* *airplane* if you know what we mean :grin:Check out our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport...
108: Holiday Reviews
23 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Four days and seven scores ago, Tim Allen learned the secrets of Santa Claus from his father. And now we’re here to pass those secrets on to you. En...
107: Reviews of Driving Schools
16 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
We're just two podcasters trying to make an honest living. So what if we like looking at hotties with honkers? Get your Karma Back To You pin before t...
106: MLMs in Utah
09 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
If you can get past our weird improv, you'll get to hear all about a great opportunity. Get in on the ground floor of our new oat milk multilevel mark...
Between You And Us: Episode 19
07 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
We're back with Between You And Us and it's amazing, crazing, looking for the mazing! Sorry we haven't been releasing these, we've just been so busy b...
105: Reviews of Target
02 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
This episode is brought to you by refrigeration and Gucci. Learn more at this year's Downton Abbey expo in Minot, ND. Follow Alex's Twitch stream to m...
104: Black Friday Reviews
25 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
This episode is sponsored by corporations that would probably not approve of our content. Just kidding, it's sponsored by the holy trinity of luxury: ...
103: Tourist Attractions in South Dakota
18 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
While we set the bar merely a millimeter above the ground, you can't deny this is the absolute BEST podcast hosted by siblings with the last name Schi...
102: Reviews of Private Investigators
11 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Or are they private dicks? Regardless, we're scared of them almost as much as we are of the idea that there won't be a Santa Clause 4 #TimAllenForSC4 ...
101: Autumnal Reviews
04 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
This week we explore our new favorite place to find reviews: QVC. It inspires Alex to start his campaign to become one of their next presenters, and i...
100: THE WORST OF BEACH TOO SANDY, WATER TOO WET
28 Oct 2020
Contributed by Lukas
We did the unthinkable! We made it to 100 episodes. Take a horrifying stroll down memory lane with us as we revisit the funniest, most cringe-worthy r...
99: Halloween Reviews
21 Oct 2020
Contributed by Lukas
WARNING: CONTAINS SEXY STUFF. Which basically just means we talk about Charlie Brown and Spooky Buddies. Please be safe this Halloween season and don'...
98: Cemeteries in Louisiana
14 Oct 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Hey ghostie, bring that thicc smoky body this way ;) Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-to...
97: Apple Orchards in New Hampshire
07 Oct 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Welcome to Asparagus: Fully Plucked, where we provide educational agriculture content to all members of Pat's Kingdom. So sit back, roll a rug in a bu...
96: Corn Mazes in Iowa
30 Sep 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Normally since it's his birthday, we'd say 'All hail Xandy!' but we're over here hailing the corn cob cannon king instead. Maybe next year, Xandy. May...
95: Daycares in Indiana
23 Sep 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Thanks for tuning in to episode 1 of Dilbert + Smash Mouth: A Haunting. We hope you enjoy the nonsensical ramblings of a former Indiana model and his ...
94: Airports in North Carolina
16 Sep 2020
Contributed by Lukas
You give podcasters a listen, you feed them a meal. Teach podcasters to steal listens, they probably get kicked off their platform. This made slightly...
93: Malls in New Jersey
09 Sep 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Well this was a weird one, so I'm not sure what to say here. Something something IKEA gnomes and bread bowls. Y'all know. Get your Karma Back To You p...