Begin Again Moments: How To Communicate When Love Gets Hard
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What everyday frustrations become emotional triggers in relationships?
What other kind of triggers can people go through? 'Cause you said like people often have five. You know, like old past like hang ups that sometimes through I mean after abuse or something like that. Yes. But th they're not sort of the day to day triggers. They they are they're sort of more deeply embedded and they they live they live there all all the time. They they need work. The triggers that I'm talking about are the sort of ones that get, you know, stupid triggers like leaving The dishwasher, for example. You know, how many times have people mentioned the dishwasher? Oh really? Oh my god, how many times I do the dishwasher and then he or she comes and changes the dishwasher and it and off they go in the kitchen.
Why'd you have to do that? Why can't you just leave it? I mean it's a trick.
But people can't, they get triggered. But I was just gonna say, like You know, have you had people going, Well, that's easy for you to say, but it drives me fucking mad. Yeah. How can you get out of that? Well then we have to talk about where's your capacity to tolerate? What do what come on, let's have a think about. What what how do how do you make this environment, this couple environment, more more able to tolerate both of you? Come on, you've we've all got quirks. We're all different. We've all got these little bits and pieces. Where how do we meet how do we get to accept? of those, without them being triggers, without them you know, understanding actually do you know, I'm not gonna say that now 'cause it just come in.
Oh I we'll bet give him ten, give him, you know. or oh it's that time of the month so um I know that she's not feeling very well and I won't mention that today.
How can couples identify and de‑escalate each other’s hidden triggers?
I'll do it later. Maybe I'll go and get a bunch of flowers. Something just having an awareness of each other's triggers actually de escalates so often what could have become something ridiculous. And w the the point is those escalations within a couple, they are They're exhausting. Yes. And they wear away at the very they wear away at the patience of the couple. They wear away at the tolerance and and then you've got this again, that's when the y the couple just starts to move away from each other because they can't be bothered. But if there is an intention to sort of find out, actually what what what what what can I do not to trigger? Let's think about that. I mean, I have people sort of if they've had a bicker, if they've had a bicker, you know, separate and then the next day, can we have a process conversation?
Yes. Can you tell me, please, exactly what it was that triggered you? Okay. I don't want to do that again. Yes. Oh wow. So yes. That's so nice 'cause that's saying I know I triggered you I don't want to do that again. I don't want to do that through. Yeah, please just tell me. That's such a nice way of coming about it rather than going, you triggered me. No, no, no, no, no. I did it. Oh yeah. I did it. Please, please. What what what was it? Just tell me.
When is the best moment to start a difficult conversation?
I don't want that to happen to us. And if I know, then maybe I can avoid it. And that really works. And also I think if somebody said that to me, I'd be so appreciative. I'd go Couples thank you for Yeah. Couples like it. They like it. They they like it. They're starting to get to know each other again. Mm. Cause don't forget with the general You know? Life. It's too busy. People don't get they think they get to know each other, you know, they're together before the kids come along and they know they know each other then in this wonderful, you know, full flows of limerants and free and do whatever do whatever. Yes, but spontaneous sex happens all the time, yeah. Everywhere. Everywhere. Nobody nobody's thinking about it.
But don't worry, when your kids leave home, it all happens again. It does. I've got let's play. people that you know, ca uh really, really they can rekindle after that, you know, they can get back to normal. But yes, that's yeah, it's it's that sort of um it's getting to know each other, keeping in touch with each other. Well have you developed that cough? Where did that come from?
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What everyday frustrations become emotional triggers in relationships?
0:00–1:40
2
How can couples identify and de‑escalate each other’s hidden triggers?
1:40–2:58
3
When is the best moment to start a difficult conversation?
2:58–4:11
4
Why should couples set rules about talking in bed or at night?
4:11–5:19
5
What types of therapy and informal “therapy” can help a struggling partnership?
5:19–7:26
6
How does reframing a conflict from “you vs. partner” to “team vs. issue” change arguments?
7:26–9:28
7
What simple feedback questions can improve accountability after an argument?
9:28–11:05
8
How does the “crap sandwich” communication technique foster constructive criticism?
11:05–12:21
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from Begin Again with Davina McCall
Jake Humphrey on Grief, The Trauma Of Childhood Bullying & His Mission To Save Young Men
Begin Again Moments: Growing Up With A Narcissistic Parent
Liz Houghton: Losing My 20-Year-Old Son & How To Keep Living When Your World Ends
Begin Again Moments: Hitting Rock Bottom And What Comes Next
Caitlin Moran: “I Thought My Brain Had Broken” Becoming Hopeful After A Life Of Anxiety
Begin Again Moments: What Makes a Successful Marriage?