Your Summer Dilemmas with Dr Richard Hogan
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Psychotherapist, Dr. Richard Hogan. Good morning. Good morning, Brendan. So Richard, we're throwing it open to the floor today. We're at peak summer now. We asked people last weekend to send in their summer dilemmas, issues, problems for you. All heat exacerbated, I would say. So we have loads to be getting on with, but you'll be okay to take stuff on the fly as well.
Absolutely.
So people can email Brendan at RT.ie, text to 51551 or WhatsApp to 087 032 3232 with your summer dilemmas or issues for Richard. How's your summer going so far, Richard?
Yeah, not bad. I'm just back from the Philippines there. So I'm jet lagged over the last couple of days trying to get back into life. Kids in camps all week. As we speak, my wife and three kids are heading off now to Spain with their best friends for a week. OK. So my summer's gotten a whole lot better.
OK. Do you ever get the feeling that I think a lot of people feel this, that you should be enjoying the summer more?
Yeah.
Like I wait all year for it and I have this fantasy and all these expectations and you end up kind of putting pressure on yourself. I should be enjoying this more.
It's like Lenny and George, if you've ever read Of Mice and Men, you know, and then we'll be living off the fat of the land. You know what I mean? This dream about the future and this dream about like the summer, the expectations we put on it. It's kind of like, you know, we'll be happy then, we'll be connected then, we'll be rested then. Then the biggest one is we'll have great, we'll create massively important, significant family memories together on our summer holiday. I mean, I can't think of anything more pressurising than those ideas around the summer holiday. Okay, so let ourselves off just be let the summer unfold as it's going to unfold and you know move from this position of like it has to be a certain way it has to be perfect there's no such thing as perfect allow it to unfold as it's going to unfold for me last year we didn't actually go on any continental holiday we had the longest holiday we've ever had we went around Ireland and we all talk about it the most beautiful holiday we've had was that you know and sometimes I think we put the expectations that the price of the holiday will mean the greatness of the holiday and of course that's not the case at all
Now, it's not helped by the fact that people, it's on social media for a lot of people.
How can I stop putting pressure on myself to have a ‘perfect’ summer?
It happens IRL as well for everyone, even if you're not looking on social media. You get this FOMO that everybody else is having a better time, don't you?
You do, I suppose. But look, Brendan, my worst day in a two minute reel could look fantastic. You know what I mean? So we're looking at reels. And what you're trying to say is, well, am I going off to create content here or am I going off to be present with my family? And when you see other people's holidays and that's going well, great for them, whatever, that's fantastic. But that's a content reel or that's a two minute flash of someone's. You didn't see the tantrums and the queues in the airport. You didn't see the flight, the delays. You didn't see the food. You didn't see the sleepless nights. You don't see the sand and people arguing because they're a bit more irritable on the holiday. You don't see any of that stuff.
You just see the two minute, you know, the reel. Okay. So let's, we all know comparison is the thief of joy.
Yeah. And we all have a good two minute reel.
Well, Jesus, I could have a great two minute reel in my worst day. Could be a great reel.
Okay. It can be a difficult time of year for working parents as well. Like there's a kind of a constant going guilt anyway. There's an extra kind of pointless guilt in the summer often, isn't there?
I just mean, we talked about that before, about guilt and shame, you know, and I think one of the things that we really struggle with as parents and I think moms maybe particularly is the guilt and the fact that we both have to work now and that like, you know, the financial demands are irrevocably different than it was 20 or 30 years ago on us as a couple, you know, and with kids and that.
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:00–2:11
2
How can I stop putting pressure on myself to have a ‘perfect’ summer?
2:11–7:25
3
How does social media fuel FOMO and comparison during holidays?
7:25–10:11
4
What are practical ways parents can manage summer guilt and burnout?
10:11–18:20
5
How should I handle teenage independence and set boundaries this summer?
18:20–27:55