Loser Line (8/3/26)

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Brooke and Jeffrey 12 min 9 speakers 5 chapters transcribed 1 month ago
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Fred Armisen (ad/clip) - Not a show guest 0:00
Hey, Portlandia fans.
Jeffrey (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 0:01
Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here.
Fred Armisen (ad/clip) - Not a show guest 0:03
The dream of the 90s is alive in podcast form.
Jeffrey (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 0:06
We're launching Podlandia AO Rewatch, our brand new podcast where we revisit every episode of Portlandia together, breaking down sketches, going deep on our iconic characters, and pulling back the curtain on how it all got made.
Fred Armisen (ad/clip) - Not a show guest 0:18
And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Kreisel, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more.
Jeffrey (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 0:30
Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised not just words, but a song, a melody.
Kyle MacLachlan 0:35
Well, I thought you were all going to write a song.
Jeffrey (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 0:37
I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia, AO Rewatch on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What's up, fam? I'm sports journalist Ari Chambers. Hey, what's up, y'all? It's your girl, Sam Jay. And we're the hosts of Everyone Watches Women's Sports, a new podcast from Together and iHeart Women's Sports. We're breaking down the biggest headlines.
Sam Jay 0:58
Naomi Osaka showing out. Shout-outs to you, Naomi. The viral moments. I've been obsessed with Kashawn Rock's boxing journey. She looks good. Her combos are swift.
Jeffrey (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 1:07
And the stories everyone's talking about across women's sports.
Sam Jay 1:10
Because everyone watches women's sports. Listen to Everyone Watches Women's Sports on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Nick Turturro 1:17
I'm Nick Turturro. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, The Longest Yard, or Spike Lee's Black Klansman. And on my new podcast, Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, I deliver pizza to a new guest. I've shared a slice with everyone from Seth Rollins.
Savannah James 1:31
What are you doing with my belt? To Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am.
Nick Turturro 1:38
And now we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Turturro.
Unknown 1:42
It's called happiness. Delivering happiness.
Nick Turturro 1:45
And many, many more. Open your free iHeartRadio app, search Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, and listen now.
Chelsea Handler 1:52
This is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea. Every week, the news gets worse, the world gets crazier, and Yamanika is here to tell whoever's responsible, you're the problem.
Sam Jay 2:01
Do you know I just found out who Sidney Sweeney was? If he got a bunch of women, then I should have a bunch of men. Do better or do less so I don't have to do so much. I'm Yamanika and I'm out. Listen to You're the Problem with Yamanika on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Jeffrey (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 2:22
I'm Nancy Glass, host of the Burden of Guilt Season 3 podcast. This is a story about a horrendous situation that destroyed two families. It's a scorched earth war that shows just how far someone will go to get what they want.
Paul (Paulie) 2:37
Cindy said I had to choose between the truth and my family, and I had to choose the truth.
Jeffrey (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 2:43
Listen to Season 3 of Burden of Guilt on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, girl. What's up with you? Wait a minute. Is this the right number? It's the loser line. Come on. Just call me back. If you haven't heard the loser line before, it works like this. Let's say someone approaches you while you're out at the Lego convention. Oh, my. And uses this charming pickup line on you. Yeah. Hey, girl. I promise it won't hurt if you step on me in the middle of the night.
Oh, yeah. It will. It will. It will.
Jeffrey (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 3:20
Whatever you do, don't point to the age group on the box and say, are you sure you're old enough for 14 plus? Instead, bat your eyes and tell him you'd like to get him in bed and give him the old Danish oven. What? What's a Danish oven?
Paul (Paulie) 3:33
I don't know.
Jeffrey (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 3:34
You know? Home of Legoland?
Brooke (Parks) 3:36
Yeah.
Jeffrey (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 3:36
Oh, now I get the joke in a sense. I don't know if it's actually reaching. But that's when you give him the number to the loser line. So hopefully he calls it and leaves an awkward voicemail that we can play on the air. Voicemails like this one.
Brooke (Parks) 3:47
Next message.
Jeffrey (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 3:48
Hey, this is Zaha. We met by the mailboxes in our apartment building. You helped me carry that giant Amazon box upstairs.

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