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Chapter 1: What is the significance of the newspaper chairs on Russell Howard's show?
hello this is joe uh welcome to the monday vault uh in this episode james our editor is just putting whatever old depths out randomly uh don't know if it's gonna be any good or shit um but that's the chances you take some of them from the past for a bit anyway cheers
Good morning. Hi. Hi. How are you? Good. How are you? Yeah. I'm glad you're just in a t-shirt. I'm freezing. Wait, I'm in my shorts. Fucking hell. Knock, knock. Who's there? I done up. I done a poo. Yeah. I've said that joke, and that joke said to me about 900 times in three days. From, uh... I just, I lay in bed, we have to do it for like 20 minutes. You say it, okay. Knock, knock.
I done a poo. I done a poo. Ah, you bastard. Well, I don't do that, but it's quite good, sort of.
It's good. I'm trying to think of another knock-knock joke. Well, there's also Knock Knock. Who's there? I don't know. That's a different one. No, why did you do the Pair of Curtains one? Oh, it's Doctor Doctor. Yeah, I feel like a Pair of Curtains.
Yeah, Poison. Yeah, that one.
Yeah. I can't think of any other Knock Knocks.
Well, that's my whole stand-up, Richard. I've got fucking loads of them. Knock Knock. Who's there? Grandad. Hello, Grandad. You all right? Yeah? They're going on praises. Basically, his wife's ill.
Yeah. I think the earlier one was better.
The one that actually is a joke. Basically, he won't come in the house because his wife's ill. So he makes it awkward for his grandson.
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Chapter 2: How did Beppe Di Marco impact the conversation?
I didn't. Well, I did.
Just because you didn't, I did. And I'll be honest with you, and I'll say this to the producer of the Russell Howard show. Who is it? It ruined my watching experience.
I'm literally going to email the producer now. Yeah, hi, Adam. I'm not having a go. I'm not going to say that. I'm going to ask what it's made of. Oh, right. I'm not going to do that. What a fucking wanker. Oh, it's Jason Dawson. No. Yes, it is. Well, it's not the person I was about to email. Yeah, but is Jason Dawson involved?
Oh, well, I'd say it's Jason Dawson's face. Why? Do you not like Jason? No, I've just got big kahunas.
Oh, well, Jason's very nice.
My mum phoned.
She watched it. Dan Atkinson? What? Producer Dan Atkinson. Wasn't he a stand-up? Yeah. Does he not do it anymore? I recognise that name from when I started.
Yeah, he used to... Yeah, he was like a... He compared a lot. Yeah, fuck. Is he the producer then? I don't know. I'm not involved in the show that much as you think I am. I was there for 25 minutes.
But we're having a conversation. Why are you getting defensive? Because you won't get booked for Russell Howard again. Just because I'm slagging off the chairs.
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Chapter 3: What are the thoughts on celebrities from Redhill?
Not where I felt comfortable.
Right.
Because it's like, like talking about yourself, I just find like, Because in that moment, you go, well, I have to because I can't self-sabotage.
Yeah.
Like, you know, like I wanted to.
And were you pressured to go on there?
Well, not pressured. That's the wrong word. But it's like for our show, isn't it? It's to promote.
Did you feel pressure to go on there?
In what way? What do you mean?
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Chapter 4: What TV shows should you watch according to Joe the TV reviewer?
I can't play that role. I can't pretend. I can't play a game. I can't do it. And it made me go, oh, yeah, I can't do panel shows. I can't play that game. I can't do it. And you have to play a role. And I'm like, nah, I'm not doing that.
But it was, I heard an interview someone talking about, oh yeah, no, there's podcasts talking about like people that go on, like Jonathan Ross and things like that and just have anecdotes.
Oh, I could do that.
Oh yeah, yeah. No, no.
I couldn't do any of that. I couldn't do any of it.
But like Tom Cruise's and people like that, that just go on Graham Norton, but that's like, that's not even like anything to them.
No, no, of course. But anything, just any of that world, I'm like, I can't do it. I cannot. I can't do it. It's weird. So, welcome to the show. No, no, no, I'm going to keep digging into that.
What do you want this show to be?
No, I want to talk about what we were just talking about.
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Chapter 5: What insights are shared about the pressures of promoting a show?
No, the character's dead. He's called Michael Greco. Oh, right. Fucking hell. I'm going to ask my sister. Did you meet Pepe de Mar?
Oh, him. Yeah, he was in his tenders in the 90s. Yeah, he was like the dish of the day.
I tell you, he's got something to do with Red Hill. I'm sure he has. If he has, this whole series is about Red Hill in Surrey.
I'm going to try and find the snooker hole with Red Hill.
I'll send a text to my sister. Did you ever meet Michael Greco?
A.K.A.?
Yeah. Oh, she'll know who that is. A.K.A. Beppe DeMarco. Is there a link with him and Red Hill? Morning. Morning, by the way. Yeah. Did you ever meet Michael Greco? I'm sure he has something to do with Red Hill. Okay, anyway.
Paul Heaton and Red Hill Heavy Series.
Oh, I contacted Paul Heaton last night.
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Chapter 6: How do the hosts feel about their careers and public appearances?
I don't know why. Okay.
I just felt like I wanted a conveyor belt.
Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.
That part of the world is... It's just like a belt of little... It's a soulless... Yeah, all the sort of same size, and you sort of go, have I been through this one?
So for all our Chatterbiscuits that live... In the Banstead area, I apologise. Is Banstead there? Yeah. So some people enjoyed the energy on yesterday's show, and some people didn't.
Oh, well, there you go. Well, they'll be fucking, aren't they?
I must admit, I don't mind doing it once every two weeks, but...
I, well, what did I feel? I got overexcited because I thought, God, this sounds odd.
Oh, did you really like it?
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Chapter 7: What recommendations does Joe have for new TV shows?
Yeah, I've not done that again. That was fine. I've gone on to fishing now. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. I've tried that a couple of times. Yeah, it's pretty good. It's a good excuse to sit around and do nothing. I was going to do computer fishing by a computer fishing game. Oh, what, like that?
It's like Bass Challenge or whatever it is. Yeah, Bass Challenge or Carp. Yeah. I really like it. But why I haven't bought it is because I'm pretty sure you catch a fish every 45 seconds, whereas I want it to be like a good hour and a half in between bites.
You just want to sit on the bank of a virtual river.
Yeah, I do.
i do wow yeah it's like i think i've been three times i think and the majority of it is nothing happening like even when i went last week my mate caught a 38 pounds carp that's enormous yeah it was huge but then he was there for another two days after that he didn't catch anything else so it's like isn't fishing mainly about smoking pot I wouldn't know about that, I'm sure.
But isn't fishing, though, like you sit all the day, my dad, he's always exhausted because you're just staring at the floods.
Well, yeah, there's actually quite a lot of sort of, it seems there's quite a lot of gubbins involved. I always thought it was just you put something on a hook and chuck it in the water. It's very much not that.
There's all sorts of... Techniques and things.
Yeah, and then they've all got like, the rods have got alarms on them. So, like... What? Yeah, so this guy camps at the lake. So he's got a tent. And then, like, so you'd be asleep. And then at three in the morning, you get this alarm start going off. God, that sounds hideous. Yeah, it's bad, I think.
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Chapter 8: How do the hosts wrap up their discussion and what are their final thoughts?
Yeah, yeah. I'll watch that. Yeah.
You're very quick to say you'll review that. You really are.
Well, the thing is, I mean, it's not good for me to say no, is it, either? Oh, no, sure, sure.
Well, yeah, no, no, fair enough, fair enough.
That would be my reasoning for saying that I'm terrified it's going to be dreadful, so I won't do it. Oh, God. Fucking hell. Yeah.
Oh, God, yeah. Okay, yeah, shit.
Well, it can't be worse than those two tits the other day that we were talking about.
Oh, yeah.
The blokes with their 20 years of experience in TV or whatever. Yeah.
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