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Chatabix

S15 Ep 801 Vault Mondays: Russell Howard's Newspaper Chairs + Beppe Di Marco

23 Mar 2026

Transcription

Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.

Chapter 1: What is the significance of the newspaper chairs on Russell Howard's show?

0.622 - 20.115 David

hello this is joe uh welcome to the monday vault uh in this episode james our editor is just putting whatever old depths out randomly uh don't know if it's gonna be any good or shit um but that's the chances you take some of them from the past for a bit anyway cheers

0

64.544 - 98.473 Richard

Good morning. Hi. Hi. How are you? Good. How are you? Yeah. I'm glad you're just in a t-shirt. I'm freezing. Wait, I'm in my shorts. Fucking hell. Knock, knock. Who's there? I done up. I done a poo. Yeah. I've said that joke, and that joke said to me about 900 times in three days. From, uh... I just, I lay in bed, we have to do it for like 20 minutes. You say it, okay. Knock, knock.

0

98.493 - 106.004 Richard

I done a poo. I done a poo. Ah, you bastard. Well, I don't do that, but it's quite good, sort of.

0

106.024 - 124.707 Joe

It's good. I'm trying to think of another knock-knock joke. Well, there's also Knock Knock. Who's there? I don't know. That's a different one. No, why did you do the Pair of Curtains one? Oh, it's Doctor Doctor. Yeah, I feel like a Pair of Curtains.

0

125.649 - 126.95 Richard

Yeah, Poison. Yeah, that one.

127.531 - 129.493 Joe

Yeah. I can't think of any other Knock Knocks.

129.513 - 145.51 Richard

Well, that's my whole stand-up, Richard. I've got fucking loads of them. Knock Knock. Who's there? Grandad. Hello, Grandad. You all right? Yeah? They're going on praises. Basically, his wife's ill.

146.632 - 150.058 Joe

Yeah. I think the earlier one was better.

151.4 - 157.191 Richard

The one that actually is a joke. Basically, he won't come in the house because his wife's ill. So he makes it awkward for his grandson.

Chapter 2: How did Beppe Di Marco impact the conversation?

241.203 - 243.226 Unknown

I didn't. Well, I did.

0

243.627 - 258.107 Richard

Just because you didn't, I did. And I'll be honest with you, and I'll say this to the producer of the Russell Howard show. Who is it? It ruined my watching experience.

0

258.208 - 283.271 David

I'm literally going to email the producer now. Yeah, hi, Adam. I'm not having a go. I'm not going to say that. I'm going to ask what it's made of. Oh, right. I'm not going to do that. What a fucking wanker. Oh, it's Jason Dawson. No. Yes, it is. Well, it's not the person I was about to email. Yeah, but is Jason Dawson involved?

0

283.291 - 289.506 Richard

Oh, well, I'd say it's Jason Dawson's face. Why? Do you not like Jason? No, I've just got big kahunas.

0

290.767 - 291.849 Joe

Oh, well, Jason's very nice.

293.711 - 295.533 David

My mum phoned.

295.553 - 306.227 Richard

She watched it. Dan Atkinson? What? Producer Dan Atkinson. Wasn't he a stand-up? Yeah. Does he not do it anymore? I recognise that name from when I started.

307.108 - 320.744 David

Yeah, he used to... Yeah, he was like a... He compared a lot. Yeah, fuck. Is he the producer then? I don't know. I'm not involved in the show that much as you think I am. I was there for 25 minutes.

320.764 - 327.753 Richard

But we're having a conversation. Why are you getting defensive? Because you won't get booked for Russell Howard again. Just because I'm slagging off the chairs.

Chapter 3: What are the thoughts on celebrities from Redhill?

411.812 - 413.094 David

Not where I felt comfortable.

0

413.755 - 414.036 Richard

Right.

0

414.316 - 423.448 David

Because it's like, like talking about yourself, I just find like, Because in that moment, you go, well, I have to because I can't self-sabotage.

0

424.329 - 424.569 Richard

Yeah.

0

424.87 - 426.512 David

Like, you know, like I wanted to.

426.652 - 429.556 Richard

And were you pressured to go on there?

431.839 - 435.684 David

Well, not pressured. That's the wrong word. But it's like for our show, isn't it? It's to promote.

436.304 - 438.267 Richard

Did you feel pressure to go on there?

439.629 - 441.311 David

In what way? What do you mean?

Chapter 4: What TV shows should you watch according to Joe the TV reviewer?

589.433 - 608.901 Richard

I can't play that role. I can't pretend. I can't play a game. I can't do it. And it made me go, oh, yeah, I can't do panel shows. I can't play that game. I can't do it. And you have to play a role. And I'm like, nah, I'm not doing that.

0

609.404 - 622.563 David

But it was, I heard an interview someone talking about, oh yeah, no, there's podcasts talking about like people that go on, like Jonathan Ross and things like that and just have anecdotes.

0

622.603 - 623.304 Richard

Oh, I could do that.

0

624.686 - 626.048 David

Oh yeah, yeah. No, no.

0

626.068 - 628.111 Richard

I couldn't do any of that. I couldn't do any of it.

628.472 - 635.682 David

But like Tom Cruise's and people like that, that just go on Graham Norton, but that's like, that's not even like anything to them.

636.387 - 653.546 Richard

No, no, of course. But anything, just any of that world, I'm like, I can't do it. I cannot. I can't do it. It's weird. So, welcome to the show. No, no, no, I'm going to keep digging into that.

654.707 - 656.389 David

What do you want this show to be?

656.969 - 659.272 Richard

No, I want to talk about what we were just talking about.

Chapter 5: What insights are shared about the pressures of promoting a show?

733.699 - 744.433 Richard

No, the character's dead. He's called Michael Greco. Oh, right. Fucking hell. I'm going to ask my sister. Did you meet Pepe de Mar?

0

745.334 - 749.7 David

Oh, him. Yeah, he was in his tenders in the 90s. Yeah, he was like the dish of the day.

0

749.78 - 756.53 Richard

I tell you, he's got something to do with Red Hill. I'm sure he has. If he has, this whole series is about Red Hill in Surrey.

0

759.333 - 761.957 David

I'm going to try and find the snooker hole with Red Hill.

0

762.562 - 772.546 Richard

I'll send a text to my sister. Did you ever meet Michael Greco?

773.308 - 774.11 David

A.K.A.?

774.371 - 801.681 Richard

Yeah. Oh, she'll know who that is. A.K.A. Beppe DeMarco. Is there a link with him and Red Hill? Morning. Morning, by the way. Yeah. Did you ever meet Michael Greco? I'm sure he has something to do with Red Hill. Okay, anyway.

802.522 - 804.767 David

Paul Heaton and Red Hill Heavy Series.

804.787 - 806.651 Richard

Oh, I contacted Paul Heaton last night.

Chapter 6: How do the hosts feel about their careers and public appearances?

931.025 - 936.298 Joe

I don't know why. Okay.

0

937.16 - 939.104 David

I just felt like I wanted a conveyor belt.

0

939.184 - 941.45 Richard

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.

0

941.47 - 952.212 David

That part of the world is... It's just like a belt of little... It's a soulless... Yeah, all the sort of same size, and you sort of go, have I been through this one?

0

952.232 - 968.857 Richard

So for all our Chatterbiscuits that live... In the Banstead area, I apologise. Is Banstead there? Yeah. So some people enjoyed the energy on yesterday's show, and some people didn't.

970.399 - 973.083 Joe

Oh, well, there you go. Well, they'll be fucking, aren't they?

973.103 - 977.029 Richard

I must admit, I don't mind doing it once every two weeks, but...

977.701 - 982.907 David

I, well, what did I feel? I got overexcited because I thought, God, this sounds odd.

983.247 - 984.348 Richard

Oh, did you really like it?

Chapter 7: What recommendations does Joe have for new TV shows?

1132.824 - 1149.246 Joe the TV Reviewer

Yeah, I've not done that again. That was fine. I've gone on to fishing now. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. I've tried that a couple of times. Yeah, it's pretty good. It's a good excuse to sit around and do nothing. I was going to do computer fishing by a computer fishing game. Oh, what, like that?

0

1149.386 - 1166.786 Richard

It's like Bass Challenge or whatever it is. Yeah, Bass Challenge or Carp. Yeah. I really like it. But why I haven't bought it is because I'm pretty sure you catch a fish every 45 seconds, whereas I want it to be like a good hour and a half in between bites.

0

1167.006 - 1170.21 David

You just want to sit on the bank of a virtual river.

0
0

1170.43 - 1193.786 Joe the TV Reviewer

i do wow yeah it's like i think i've been three times i think and the majority of it is nothing happening like even when i went last week my mate caught a 38 pounds carp that's enormous yeah it was huge but then he was there for another two days after that he didn't catch anything else so it's like isn't fishing mainly about smoking pot I wouldn't know about that, I'm sure.

1195.148 - 1205.282 David

But isn't fishing, though, like you sit all the day, my dad, he's always exhausted because you're just staring at the floods.

1205.722 - 1215.015 Joe the TV Reviewer

Well, yeah, there's actually quite a lot of sort of, it seems there's quite a lot of gubbins involved. I always thought it was just you put something on a hook and chuck it in the water. It's very much not that.

1215.035 - 1217.638 David

There's all sorts of... Techniques and things.

1217.738 - 1234.922 Joe the TV Reviewer

Yeah, and then they've all got like, the rods have got alarms on them. So, like... What? Yeah, so this guy camps at the lake. So he's got a tent. And then, like, so you'd be asleep. And then at three in the morning, you get this alarm start going off. God, that sounds hideous. Yeah, it's bad, I think.

Chapter 8: How do the hosts wrap up their discussion and what are their final thoughts?

1307.317 - 1309.101 Joe the TV Reviewer

Yeah, yeah. I'll watch that. Yeah.

0

1309.903 - 1314.191 David

You're very quick to say you'll review that. You really are.

0

1314.211 - 1319.001 Joe the TV Reviewer

Well, the thing is, I mean, it's not good for me to say no, is it, either? Oh, no, sure, sure.

0

1319.302 - 1321.224 David

Well, yeah, no, no, fair enough, fair enough.

0

1321.244 - 1327.352 Joe the TV Reviewer

That would be my reasoning for saying that I'm terrified it's going to be dreadful, so I won't do it. Oh, God. Fucking hell. Yeah.

1327.792 - 1330.135 David

Oh, God, yeah. Okay, yeah, shit.

1330.155 - 1333.019 Joe the TV Reviewer

Well, it can't be worse than those two tits the other day that we were talking about.

1333.58 - 1334.401 David

Oh, yeah.

1334.861 - 1339.707 Joe the TV Reviewer

The blokes with their 20 years of experience in TV or whatever. Yeah.

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