Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash callconan. Okay, let's get started.
Hey, Noah. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan.
Hey, Noah. How are you? I'm doing very well. How are you doing? Oh, I'm doing great. First things first, I understand you're in Massachusetts. Where are you? I'm from said area as well. Whereabouts?
So I was born and raised in Shrewsbury, which is just outside of Worcester. but right now I live in Woburn with my husband.
Oh, okay. Very good. All right. I hail from Brookline. So I know these areas well, and all my family is from Worcester originally. So I know Shrewsbury as well. So I just wanted to make sure that we were super boring up front. And we were. Now, do you ever take Route 9? Do you ever use Route 9?
We might have to hijack this.
Yeah. All right. No, I'm moving on from that now. And I'm going to get to a more fruitful area. There's a Volvo dealership. No. Okay. It's Mazda now. It's Mazda. Okay. Mazda.
Very good.
Noah, we now know I know exactly where you live and there will be no more questions except for in a few minutes about the Boston area. I want to ask you what you do for a living. Let's talk about that.
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Chapter 2: What does it mean to be a condom size specialist?
How many sizes? That's our bread and butter. We have 52 different condom sizes. 52? I mean, I've always thought there's just hardly any size, you know, differences when you look at a condom.
No, you think of there being... Yeah, small, medium, and large. And Magnum.
Yeah. Wow, Sona, you are, Sona's on fire. And Mount Kilimanjaro. Excuse me, I'll have the Mount Kilimanjaro, please.
No questions asked.
We'll need three guys to take it out to the car. Do you want us to load it in the back of the station wagon? I'd like white glove delivery, please. It's like when you get a Christmas tree. I brought some bungee cords. Could you lash it to the roof? Would you like a fresh cut? All right.
Listen, you must be tired of this. Yeah.
And listen, we want to be you probably thought, oh, there's gonna be a lot of jokes and stuff. That's not the case in this interview. We're going to really get serious. This is a serious topic. Penises, different sizes, and you must cater to the different sizes. Now, tell me exactly 52 different sizes. What is the range, say, from smallest to biggest?
For sure. I actually brought some visual aids for us.
Thank you.
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Chapter 3: How many condom sizes are available and why does it matter?
Oh, so this thing is emitting heat. It's transmitting heat.
Yeah.
No, no, no, no. It's transmitting heat from your body to your partner's body.
Oh, I thought it was like those mitten warmers where you can put a setting on it and, you know.
You make everything unsexy. What are you talking about? She was getting all worked up over here and then you just killed it. I know, I was talking about like the body and you're like mittens. It's like mittens.
Well, that's in my day. That's what I used to call him. I'd say, give me a second. I got to put me mittens on.
I think I got to take the reins on them.
Okay. Well, first of all, Sona, you're like a sommelier.
I'm getting a... You'd be a size 38. I'm getting notes of oak. Peach. Getting a little peach in there.
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Chapter 4: What are the latest developments in condom technology?
Earl, he's got a little one. That's OK.
First of all, can women tell?
Big dick energy, yeah. I mean, I think there's a reason the term exists. You can tell that someone's, like, comfortable with themselves. Right, right, right.
They know they're not going to tip over in a high wind, you know?
Oh, my God. Like, it's a tripod. You're saying they're going to be supported? Yeah.
I'm quite confident in this high wind. I shall not fall. Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Well, anyway, so you can tell. And you just, do you ever walk around like a guy doing a party trick and just call out people's number?
Oh, my God.
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