Dhru Purohit Show
Want a Better Relationship? Use These 3 Super Hacks to Improve Your Communication, Sex, and Intimacy
27 Nov 2024
This episode is brought to you by Ollie, Lifeforce, and Lumebox. Relationships, communication, and intimacy are the cornerstones of meaningful connections in our lives, yet they often present some of our greatest challenges. In today’s episode, leading experts explore the keys to fostering deeper relationships, improving communication, and creating lasting intimacy, offering practical tools to transform how we connect with those we love. Today on The Dhru Purohit Show, we bring you a special compilation episode featuring Dhru’s conversations with experts on relationships, connection, and intimacy. Drs. John and Julie Gottman discuss the importance of recognizing what your partner is doing right. They also highlight key findings from a seven-year study on happiness, including how to turn toward your partner and implement bids for connection. Dr. Emily Morse explains why scheduling intimacy—even if it feels like a chore—is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship. She also dives into the "Three T’s of Communication" and how to initiate conversations about intimacy. Esther Perel shares why letting go of the need to be right is essential, along with strategies to overcome the overwhelming feeling of disconnect when your partner doesn’t see your point of view. She breaks down how all fights connect to core pillars and offers tips on practicing mirroring for better understanding. If you’re ready to enhance your relationships and improve your communication and intimacy, this episode is a must-listen! In this episode, Dhru and his guests dive into: Evidence that your partner is doing things right (2:00) Seven-year study on happiness and turning toward your partner (3:10) Bid for connection and how to implement it (6:18) Interdependence versus independence (16:12) Scheduling intimacy (20:35) Who should initiate the conversation (23:35) The 3 T’s of communication: Timing, Tone, and Turf (25:15) Mirroring what you heard (29:15) Initiating the conversation and carrying the burden (33:25) The need to be right (39:52) The overwhelming feeling of disconnect (42:57) Catching yourself, listening, and mirroring (46:32) The core pillars: What all fights are about (53:15) Final thoughts (56:30) Drs. John and Julia Gottman have studied over 3,000 couples and through their research have found the secrets to successful partnerships. The Gottmans help give individuals the tools they need to listen and connect with their partner while providing a safe space for conversation and growth without criticism or contempt. Dr. Emily Morse is the host of the award-winning number one sexuality podcast, Sex With Emily, which has been on the air for nearly two decades. Esther Perel is a psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author, and is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Esther is also an executive producer and host of the popular podcast Where Should We Begin? and How’s Work? Also mentioned: Why Nobody Is Having Great Sex & How To Make it Amazing with Dr. Emily Morse 4 Big Signs That a Relationship Won't Last and the Latest Science on Creating Love with Drs. Julie and John Gottman Why Some Relationships Don’t Last With Esther Perel This episode is brought to you by Ollie, Lifeforce, and Lumebox. Want to give your dog the best in clean eating? Take the online quiz and introduce Ollie to your pet. Right now, Ollie is offering 60% off your first box of meals when you subscribe today! Just head to Ollie.com, use the code DHRU and you’ll get 60% off your first box of meals in your subscription. Right now, you can save $250 on your first diagnostic and get personalized suggestions. Optimize your longevity and track your progress; go to mylifeforce.com/dhru! Lumebox is offering my community 50% off their portable Red Light device for Black Friday! Just go to thelumebox.com/dhru to get your device. Sale ends 12/2. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Full Episode
Hi everyone, Drew Perrault here. On today's episode, we have three incredible, I've used every single one of these in my own life and relationship. We have three incredible tips in detail from three, actually four of the world's top experts on relationship, connection, and intimacy.
You guys have heard me talk about this before, but the longest running study from Harvard, which was like some 60, 70, 80 years, I don't have the notes in front of me, showed that human connection with the deepest relationships around us is directly connected to our happiness. our relationships are a huge part of our happiness.
Now, of course, that includes friendships, our relationships with our children, our friend group, but it also includes our partnership, our wife, our husband, our boyfriend, our girlfriend, whatever it might be. And maybe some of you listening today are not in a relationship, but might want to be in a relationship one day. These tips are still useful for you.
So if our relationships matter and one of the closest relationships to us is our partner, our intimate partner, why wouldn't we want to be thinking about the things that would bring us together? That's why we have three, as I mentioned, four actually, of the top folks on today's podcast sharing those tips from previous episodes. So we're going to go right into the first one, which comes from Drs.
John and Julie Gottman. speakers, researchers, therapists, OGs in this space. And what was unique about their approach is at a time when nobody was actually doing research on what solutions actually led to happier, long-lasting marriages, Drs. John and Julie Gottman started the Gottman Foundation. And in this next clip, they talk about a
seven-year-long study that they conducted that essentially found that a great way to destroy your relationships in life is to primarily focus on what's wrong instead of simply just celebrating what's right. But how do we do that? What's the practical way to do it? We're going to jump into this first clip where Drs.
John and Julie Gottman explain the how-to of how to actually do this process, which brings couples together.
One of the things that is kind of surprising in the research is when psychologists started developing couples therapies in the 1970s, they just assumed that unhappy couples weren't very nice to each other. But it turned out that they are quite often nice to each other, but their partner misses about 50% of that positivity if they're unhappily married.
So you don't have to get people to be more positive. You have to get them to notice the positivity that is there. And that requires a very different habit of mind. Instead of looking for your partner's mistakes... and correcting them, you look for what your partner is doing right and express gratefulness for what you see.
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