TPP 252: Boys and Big Emotions: Common Parenting Mistakes & What to Do Instead
episode
Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
38 min
1 speaker
8 chapters
transcribed 13 hours ago
Transcript
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
What is the purpose of the Tilt Parenting episode and who is the guest?
You know, our boys are really perceptive. They're watching and they're seeing that, oh Girls don't get in trouble for things that I do. Girls can be talking, but I get in trouble for it. The girls are chosen for the star students and boys aren't. And that they're being subtly given this message from an early age that you're too you're too much, you're too noisy, you're too active, you know, just sit still, listen and learn.
Welcome to Tilt Parenting, a podcast featuring interviews and conversations aimed at inspiring, informing, and supporting parents raising differently wired kids. I'm your host, Debbie Rieber. This week I'm talking with speaker, author, educator, and family coach Janet Allison about the emotional lives of boys. Janet is the founder of Boys Alive and the co-host of the podcast on Boys, and for more than 20 years has been on a mission to empower parents and teachers to raise boys to be more confident, caring, and capable men. In our conversation, we talk about the ways that learning, communication, and emotional expression might be different for boys, why schools are failing boys, and what you can do to meet your boys' deeply human need for connection.
And just a note, while our discussion largely centers around and relies on binary gender norms, we also discuss how our expanding understanding of gender identity is showing up in her work. Thank you so much, and now here is my conversation with Janet Allison. Hey Janet, welcome to the podcast. Hi, Debbie. So good to be here. It's fun to have you on my show. I've been on your show. Um, maybe take a few minutes and tell us about your work in the world and and your podcast.
Absolutely. Well, our show is on boys and I co-host that with Jennifer Fink of Building Boys and I Am Boys Alive, have been for about 20 years. Started with uh I was a teacher and I had 10 boys and two girls in my first first grade. and did not have a clue because I raised daughters. And so here were all these boys that were very active, very creative, I put that in air quotes, very busy. And I was scrambling to understand what they needed because nowhere in my training, in my university degree, nobody talked about how different boys would be in the class. Classroom than girls. This was the mid-90s, and all the focus at that time was on girls and equity in sports and all of those things. Yeah. And our boys were getting lost and left behind.
And so I got really curious and did a lot of uh looking into who was talking about boys at that time. There were not very many people talking about boys, uh, curious about. brain differences, curious about communication styles, learning styles, and all of that kind of just funneled me into Boys Alive. And I'm a family coach and an author and a podcaster like you. And you know it's interesting how how the events in our lives push us in certain directions. We've had the conversation conversation about Asher and and you taking up this work and I have just been Thrilled, especially with the podcast, to be able to interview experts and authors and thought leaders and bring the awareness that our boys are different in the way so often many of my family coaching clients are moms who were raised with sisters, who were raised with a single mom, and now all of a sudden here are these boys that are presenting them with.
Lots of puzzles to solve.
Yeah, absolutely. I love that story. brought up so many things for me. First of all, you may know this, but I used to be a teen girl expert. So before I had a child, I spent fifteen years writing nonfiction Self-confidence, self-esteem books for teen girls. I volunteered with teen girls like that. I spoke at girls' conferences. I was all about girl empowerment. And when I discovered I was having a son, I I remember being first of all shocked. It's like, can you check that again? And one of the first things I said to my husband was, I'm gonna have to do a lot of work around. my own baggage surrounding boys and what I know about boys because being so pro-girl and in that space, I was like, I got some work to do.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the purpose of the Tilt Parenting episode and who is the guest?
0:00–5:41
2
How did Janet Allison become interested in boys’ emotional lives?
5:41–10:59
3
What early messages do boys receive about behavior and how do they affect emotions?
10:59–15:11
4
Why do boys often express big emotions through anger and how can parents recognize it?
15:11–20:22
5
How can parents help boys process anger without shutting it down?
20:22–25:05
6
What strategies support boys who lie or give short answers like “I don’t know”?
25:05–29:34
7
How should parents adjust communication for boys who need more processing time?
29:34–33:55
8
What is the single most important piece of advice for raising emotionally intelligent boys?
33:55–38:02
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
TPP 266a: A Conversation with Poet and Advocate LeDerick Horne
TPP 522: A Whole Child Approach to ADHD with Phil Boucher, M.D.
TPP 091a: A Conversation With Steve Silberman About His Book “Neurotribes”
TPP 521: A Conversation with Dr. Peter Gray About Restoring Childhood
TPP 253a: Advocate and Author Jonathan Mooney on Why Normal Sucks
TPP 520: Dr. Özgür Bolat on Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science of Motivating Kids