TPP 307: Eliza Fricker Talks Parenting a Child with PDA
episode
Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
34 min
2 speakers
8 chapters
transcribed 6 hours ago
Transcript
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
What is Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and how does it differ from typical demand avoidance?
you're living with an enormous amount of uncertainty because you always have to be extremely flexible. So there aren't strategies that you can use that are fail safe and you stick to those and it's going to work. It changes continually because within that, you've also got a person who wants that autonomy over their situation so if there's any moment where they feel that that autonomy is being taken away from them then they'll need to change that up again
Welcome to Tilt Parenting, a podcast featuring interviews and conversations aimed at inspiring, informing, and supporting parents raising differently wired kids. I'm your host, Debbie Reber. On today's episode, I'm talking with Eliza Fricker about PDA, an acronym that technically stands for Pathological Demand Avoidance, although I know many people who interpret PDA as a persistent desire for autonomy. I've done a few episodes on PDA before. I'll have links to those in the show notes, but never from a parent's perspective. So after reading Eliza's insightful book, The Family Experience of PDA, I knew I wanted to share her perspective with this community. During the episode, Eliza and I talk about how demand avoidance is more extreme in a child with a PDA profile versus the inflexibility or rigidity we might see in other neurodivergent kids.
We also get into what Eliza has learned about herself parenting a child with PDA and what her resistance was to the changes needed to her parenting style. She also shared some great tips for teachers who have a PDA student in their classroom and for parents who are struggling with family, friends, or people close to them who aren't willing to understand what PDA is and what that means for their family. Let me tell you a little bit more about Eliza before we get into the show. Eliza Fricker is the illustrator behind Missing the Mark. A deeply personal and human exploration of a mother's journey navigating the education system and everyday life with a child who can't go to school. In addition to writing The Family Experience of PDA, Eliza has also launched a limited-run companion, Missing the Mark podcast, and launched a series of talks, consultations, and online courses to support parents who are in similar situations.
Her latest book, Can't Not Won't, will be published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers in December 2022. Thanks so much. And now here is my conversation with Eliza. Hey, Eliza, welcome to the podcast. Thanks for having me. I'm really looking forward to talking about your work and your book. I have done a few episodes on PDA, but not from the parent perspective. And you have such a unique lens and your book is amazing in the way that you can share this experience in such an accessible, gettable way. I'm just thrilled to be able to share this with my listeners. Before we get into that, can you take a few minutes and just introduce yourself? yourself. Tell us a little bit about your personal why and who you are.
Yeah, sure. So my name is Eliza Fricker and I am an author and illustrator. And I started out actually illustrating my blog a couple of years ago, which is called MissingTheMark.blog. And that was really, I had a background in design and illustration, but when my child became too unwell to go to school, that was really, the blog was to help me process things. eight years really of struggling within the education system and the systems of support. So for me, my medium has always been illustration and that helps me to process things. So I started with Missing the Mark and it was from there that I was asked to write a book about PDA and things have kind of escalated within the realm of writing about all sorts of things within the education system and neurodivergence.
So
I often talk to people on this podcast whose personal world has kind of meshed with their parenting world and collided in the best possible way. And it really seems like that has been the case for you. Although I imagine this wasn't part of your big career plan when you became an illustrator.
No, it wasn't.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and how does it differ from typical demand avoidance?
0:00–5:16
2
How does Eliza describe the extreme demand‑avoidance behaviors seen in children with a PDA profile?
5:16–10:00
3
What parenting shifts did Eliza have to make to support a child with PDA?
10:00–14:04
4
Which practical tips does Eliza suggest for teachers working with PDA students in the classroom?
14:04–18:38
5
How can parents handle family, friends, and professionals who don’t understand PDA?
18:38–21:27
6
What self‑care strategies and personal insights has Eliza gained from raising a demand‑avoidant child?
21:27–26:38
7
What resources and upcoming projects (books, tours, educator guide) does Eliza share for PDA families?
26:38–30:36
8
How can listeners access the show notes, transcripts, and additional support from Tilt Parenting?
30:36–34:46
Speakers
2 identifiedMore from Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
TPP 266a: A Conversation with Poet and Advocate LeDerick Horne
TPP 522: A Whole Child Approach to ADHD with Phil Boucher, M.D.
TPP 091a: A Conversation With Steve Silberman About His Book “Neurotribes”
TPP 521: A Conversation with Dr. Peter Gray About Restoring Childhood
TPP 253a: Advocate and Author Jonathan Mooney on Why Normal Sucks
TPP 520: Dr. Özgür Bolat on Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science of Motivating Kids