TPP 311: Deb Dana on Befriending Our Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory
episode
Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
40 min
2 speakers
8 chapters
transcribed 6 hours ago
Transcript
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
What is Polyvagal Theory and why is it important for parenting?
The key ingredient for kids is to have regulated adults around them. And that's really the challenge for us as the grown-ups in kids' lives is how do I anchor in regulation so that I can be regulated and offer that safe, predictable, welcoming energy to my childhood.
Welcome to Tilt Parenting, a podcast featuring interviews and conversations aimed at inspiring, informing, and supporting parents raising differently wired kids. I'm your host, Debbie Reber. If you are a regular listener of this show, you'll be familiar with polyvagal theory as it's come up in multiple interviews, including those with Dr. Mona Delahook and Seth Perler. But this episode is the first one dedicated solely to exploring this powerful theory and And to do that with us, I am thrilled to be talking with Deb Dana, a clinician, consultant, and author who's known for being a translator of polyvagal theory, which was developed by Dr. Stephen Porges in the mid-1990s. In this episode, Deb gives us a primer of the key points of polyvagal theory, and in doing so, explains the ways in which it can support the way we parent our differently wired kids.
Deb Dana explains nervous system pathways, why co-regulation is essential to our survival, what befriending and listening to our autonomic nervous system looks like in practice, and the benefits of having a breathing practice. We also talk about why these concepts can change our relationships to our daily life, even if our circumstances stay the same. Before we dive into this interview, here is a little more about my guest. Deb Dana, a licensed clinical social worker, uses the lens of polyvagal theory to understand and resolve the impact of trauma and create ways of working that honor the role of the autonomic nervous system. She's a founding member of the Polyvagal Institute and developer of the signature Rhythm of Regulation Clinical Training Series.
She's the author of several books on polyvagal and the nervous system, including the one we're talking about today, Anchored, How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory. I just loved this conversation so much. As you'll hear, it kind of blew my mind open in unexpected ways. And since we first recorded this conversation, it has continued to impact the way I parent and move through the world. I hope it lands for you in an equally powerful way. Thanks so much. And now here is my conversation with Deb Dana. Hello, Deb, and
welcome to the podcast. I am really happy to be here and to meet you and to dive into a conversation.
Yeah, me too. This is a conversation I've been looking forward to and was thrilled when you accepted my invitation to come on the podcast. I know you're interviewed a lot. So I want to just start with your personal why. And if you could just tell us a little bit about the work that you do in the world.
I like that. My personal why. Yeah. It's a thing I've been reflecting on recently because, you know, I'm 69 and I'm at that place where I'm trying to decide what is it that I want to bring out into the world. And my passion is really for helping people understand how their nervous system operates so that they can begin to become active operators of it. Because the nervous system is at the heart of every moment in our lives. And I think... In the world we're living in right now, a regulated nervous system is a path forward to healing, to individual and community well-being. And it feels like it's a time to really be offering how I look at this work to others. So I suppose my personal why began in the clinical world.
I'm a clinician. and began wanting therapists to be able to help their clients in a different way. And now it's expanded to, oh, can we help reshape the world perhaps so that it's a safer place for people to live?
I love that mission. And it is so timely. You are known as a translator for polyvagal theory, which I love because it is complicated. Even reading your book, which we'll talk about today, I was telling my child, I have to keep going back and like rereading these paragraphs, and you're breaking it down in such an accessible way.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is Polyvagal Theory and why is it important for parenting?
0:00–6:54
2
How does Deb Dana define the three nervous‑system pathways and their states?
6:54–12:14
3
Why is co‑regulation essential for survival and how can parents practice it?
12:14–17:03
4
What does “befriending” your autonomic nervous system look like in daily life?
17:03–22:20
5
How can micro‑moments or “glimmers” help us notice regulation cues?
22:20–26:04
6
What role does intentional breathing (especially sighing) play in resetting the nervous system?
26:04–31:09
7
How can families create a personalized “resource menu” for nervous‑system regulation?
31:09–35:39
8
Where can listeners find Deb Dana’s books, tools, and additional support?
35:39–40:07
Speakers
2 identifiedMore from Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
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TPP 522: A Whole Child Approach to ADHD with Phil Boucher, M.D.
TPP 091a: A Conversation With Steve Silberman About His Book “Neurotribes”
TPP 521: A Conversation with Dr. Peter Gray About Restoring Childhood
TPP 253a: Advocate and Author Jonathan Mooney on Why Normal Sucks
TPP 520: Dr. Özgür Bolat on Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science of Motivating Kids