TPP 359: An Conversation with Dr. Emily Edlynn on Raising Autonomous Children
episode
Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
41 min
1 speaker
7 chapters
transcribed 14 hours ago
Transcript
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
What is autonomy‑supportive parenting and why does it matter?
The very first most important hallmark of autonomy supportive parenting is the role of empathy and perspective taking. And really this idea of what is going on for my child right now. And I know that's especially salient when parenting neurodivergent kids, especially if we don't have our own neurodivergence or the same, we may not really understand how they're operating. And I think it's so important. And so how do we have that empathy and understanding? is we really use curiosity and investigate and ask open-ended questions, not in a judgmental way, like why did you do that? But in a very curious, I'm really wondering what was going on for you when you made that choice.
I'm Debbie Rieber and welcome to Tilt Parenting, a podcast featuring interviews and conversations aimed at inspiring, informing, and supporting parents raising differently wired kids. There are so many parenting styles: attachment, helicopter, positive, peaceful, authoritarian, authoritative, and on and on. And those of us parenting neurodivergent kids know there is no one size fits all approach for navigating the day-to-day, even when our big picture goal may be similar: to raise children who grow up to know themselves deeply and are prepared to live self-actualized life. Lives, whatever that might look like for them. So I really loved learning about the focus of Dr. Emily Edlin's work on autonomy supportive parenting, which she defines as raising our children to understand their authentic selves, including developing self-respect, self-worth, behaving by values, the ability to self-govern, and feeling a sense of volition or control over choices and
Actions. She explains how to do this in her new book, Autonomy Supportive Parenting: Reduce Parental Burnout and Raise Competent, Confident Children. And that's what we get into in today's show. A clinical psychologist, author, mother of three, and co-host of the Psychologists Off the Clock podcast, Emily pens the regular parenting advice column, AskYourMom, for Parents.com. She's also written for National Outlets such as The Washington Post, Scary Mommy, and Motherly, and has been featured as an expert across parenting articles and outlets such as The New York Times, CNN, and BBC. She's also the mom of three children, ages 9, 12, and 14, and so she is immersed in exploring the concepts she writes about in her own family on a daily basis.
During this conversation, we talk about the ways in which autonomy Supportive parenting nurtures a child's autonomy, competence, and relatedness, which are actually the three needs that must be met according to self-determination theory. We also talk about what controlling parenting is and how it can have negative effects on a child's well-being, and how to balance autonomy support with appropriate support and intervention when parenting a neurodivergent child or a child who is experiencing mental health. Challenges. We also discussed what keeps parents from adopting autonomy supportive parenting and how to navigate it when one partner is not on the same page in terms of this parenting approach. I really love this conversation and Emily's book, Autonomy Supportive Parenting.
I encourage you to have a listen, be prepared to take a note or two, and then share it with a friend. Here's Doctor Emily Edlin. Hey Emily, welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much, Debbie. I'm really happy to be here. I'm happy to have this conversation. I'm so happy that I found your work and your awesome book, Autonomy Supportive Parenting. As soon as I read the title, I was like, oh, this is going to be a good read, a good fit for me personally and for our community. And so I want to get into that today. But before we do that, But I always ask guests to introduce themselves in their own words and always tie in their personal why as they answer that question. So would you do that? Sure, I love
that. It's kind of like the origin story, right? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Let's see. I am obviously a trained child clinical psychologist. So that's my professional identity.
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Chapters
7 chapters
1
What is autonomy‑supportive parenting and why does it matter?
0:00–6:59
2
How does Dr. Emily Edlynn define autonomy, competence, and relatedness?
6:59–11:36
3
What are the core hallmarks of autonomy‑supportive parenting?
11:36–16:55
4
How does controlling parenting differ and what are its negative effects on children?
16:55–22:30
5
How can parents balance autonomy support with structure for neurodivergent kids?
22:30–30:52
6
What practical tweaks help parents of children with ADHD use autonomy support?
30:52–37:17
7
How does autonomy‑supportive parenting protect against anxiety and depression?
37:17–41:20
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
TPP 266a: A Conversation with Poet and Advocate LeDerick Horne
TPP 522: A Whole Child Approach to ADHD with Phil Boucher, M.D.
TPP 091a: A Conversation With Steve Silberman About His Book “Neurotribes”
TPP 521: A Conversation with Dr. Peter Gray About Restoring Childhood
TPP 253a: Advocate and Author Jonathan Mooney on Why Normal Sucks
TPP 520: Dr. Özgür Bolat on Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science of Motivating Kids