TPP 371 — Parent Lean-In: What Should I Do When My Young Adult Isn't Taking Steps to Reach His Goals?
episode
Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
18 min
2 speakers
3 chapters
transcribed 14 hours ago
Transcript
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
What is the purpose of the Parent Lean‑In mini‑episode and who is the guest?
I'm Debbie Reber and welcome to Tilt Parenting, a podcast featuring interviews and conversations aimed at inspiring, informing, and supporting parents raising differently wired kids. I get a lot of questions from listeners looking for help navigating complex situations with their kids. So in this new mini episode format, I'll be answering listener questions, sometimes all on my own, sometimes with one of the parent coaches from the Differently Wired Club, and sometimes with an author or expert who's become a trusted resource. Think of these bite-sized, short and sweet Parent Lean In episodes as a quick check-in. One question, one answer, featuring strategies, tips, or reframes that can support you in your parenting world.
To submit a question for a Parent Lean In episode, just go to TiltParenting.com slash Lean In. That's TiltParenting.com slash L-E-A-N-I-N. All right, here's today's episode. Hey everybody. I have today with me educator Zach Morris for this parent lean in episode. Zach specializes in working with parents and young adults who are navigating in the complex dynamics of neurodivergent experience. He is uniquely equipped to serve families with profiles of autism, especially PDA families who are navigating trauma and families who need to heal and repair relationships.
Um,
Zach's been on the show multiple times. So likely, if you're a longtime listener, you've heard him on the show. And he is also a parent coach in my Differently Wired Club. So welcome, Zach. Thank you so much for joining me.
Thanks, Debbie. Happy to be here.
This question, I was like, oh, I need Zach's take on this.
So
this is a good question. And it's one that, again, I think many listeners are going to resonate with some aspect of what the parent who wrote in is dealing with. So here's the question. How should a parent handle the balance of letting a neurodivergent young adult be themselves, dress the way they want, engage in certain limited activities, not pressure about school when the child conversely struggles from severe depression because they want the outcomes their neurotypical peers are experiencing. For example, they desperately want friends, but they won't go out, wear clothing typical of peers or shower frequently. They wish they could go to college, but will not study. They wish they could join a team, but won't practice the activity.
So again, for context, this is a 20-year-old who's autistic, learning disabilities, ADHD, depression, and anxiety. So Zach, I'd love if you want to kind of kick us off with this. I'd love to hear your thoughts on that.
Yeah. You know, a lot, a lot of thoughts coming up and, and I think the question was sort of originally asking, you know, like, how do we balance this, this like sort of letting them be themselves and kind of, you know, trying to support some of these other things. And I think, you know, my sort of from a reductionist standpoint, I, I think I would support the idea of like, we really want our kids to lean into themselves. Like we really want to support this sort of like full version of themselves. Right. Because, um, That's not only a really hard thing to actually get to know for just like all of us as humans, right? But maybe especially hard for me, depending on my nervous system, right? Some of the sensitivities I have, what my interoception is like, my ability to notice those things, right?
So we really want kids, I think, to get to know those parts of themselves. And I see this a lot, right? This discrepancy between like what I want and what I envision, right? and what I actually experience, right? And I think this is a huge part of the process of like helping our kids get to know themselves and what they're open to and what they're willing to try and what some of their foundational truths are, right? So I think a lot of times when it comes to this like vision and not maybe being able to sort of take the steps towards that thing, I think a lot of times we're talking about can't, not won't. So that's sort of a reframe I would sort of add to this is that it might be more that they can't engage some of those practices more than they just won't engage those practices.
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Chapters
3 chapters
1
What is the purpose of the Parent Lean‑In mini‑episode and who is the guest?
0:02–10:02
2
What is the listener’s question about balancing autonomy and support for a neurodivergent young adult?
10:02–15:08
3
How does Zach suggest we reframe “can’t” vs. “won’t” when a teen struggles to take steps?
15:08–18:14
Speakers
2 identifiedMore from Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
TPP 266a: A Conversation with Poet and Advocate LeDerick Horne
TPP 522: A Whole Child Approach to ADHD with Phil Boucher, M.D.
TPP 091a: A Conversation With Steve Silberman About His Book “Neurotribes”
TPP 521: A Conversation with Dr. Peter Gray About Restoring Childhood
TPP 253a: Advocate and Author Jonathan Mooney on Why Normal Sucks
TPP 520: Dr. Özgür Bolat on Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science of Motivating Kids