TPP 396: Robyn Gobbel on Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors
episode
Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
41 min
1 speaker
8 chapters
transcribed 1 day ago
Transcript
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
What is the core problem behind most children’s baffling behaviors?
In the moment that that behavior happens, where I'm not implying it doesn't have grave consequences, but in that moment, it a hundred percent matches what's happening in that person's inner world. Memory, autonomic nervous system, all the things, the ways they all come together. Now in the next moment it could change because we change moment to moment in all of those ways, in the way we're processing information. But in that moment, that behavior is an adaptive response to what's happening inside that person's nervous system.
I'm Debbie Rieber, and welcome to Tilt Parenting, a podcast featuring interviews and conversations aimed at inspiring, informing, and supporting parents raising differently wired kids. If you've ever used the word baffling when describing your child's behavior, this episode is for you. My guest is Robin Gobel, an expert in relational neuroscience and interpersonal neurobiology, the author of Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behavior. Brain Body Sensory Strategies That Really Work, and the host of the podcast The Baffling Behavior Show. As a psychologist, Robin has always been passionate about working with those kids who have more tricky or extreme behaviors, and she does that by harnessing the power of neuroscience.
Through her work with families, she decodes the latest brain science into easy to understand principles and metaphors to help parents become an expert in their child's behavior. During this episode, Robin and I explore the core issues underlying nearly all struggles in children dysregulation, disconnection, or feeling unsafe, and how understanding the brain's operation in either connection mode or protection mode can transform our approach to parenting. We also touched upon Robin's metaphors for the three brain states the owl, the watchdog, and the possum, which can help us better understand and respond. respond to our children's needs. I have a hunch many of you will resonate with Robin's experience of feeling like she wasn't doing enough for the kids she was working with, or that it was her fault they continued to struggle.
I know I did. And I also find the reminder that it takes time to figure out how to best support our kids and ourselves, empowering and optimistic. I hope you feel the same after listening to this episode. Hey Robin, welcome to the podcast. Thanks for having me, Debbie. I was mentioning before we hit record that it was someone in my community referenced your book, which is called Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors: Brain Body Sensory Strategies that really work. And I was like, Okay, that ticks all the boxes for the kinds of things that I want to personally know about and that I know this community of listeners would want to hear more about. So We're gonna get into that, but would you take a few minutes and tell us a little bit about your work in the world and also your personal why that brought you to be doing this?
Yes. I'll start with my professional background and I think that will lead us into some of the personal stuff. But I was a therapist. I always have wanted to be a therapist. I wanted to work with kids with the hardest behaviors always. I found the memoirs of this woman named Tori Hayden when I was in high school. And she's a special education teacher, worked with the kids. Really, nobody else knew what to do with. And I remember being like, that's it, like that's what I want to do. So when I finished graduate school, that's what I did. I went right into working with the kids that really nobody else wanted to work with, nobody else knew what to do with. There was this kind of chronic, like, I don't know what to do, you take them.
And I, of course, had no idea what to do either. But there was nobody else for me to ask. And there was nobody else for me to send them to. I was kind of the end of the line. So I was very committed to figuring out what's happening with these kids. Why are these behaviors happening? The kids that I work with at that point in particular, our kids that had histories of very serious, complex attachment developmental trauma.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the core problem behind most children’s baffling behaviors?
0:00–6:09
2
How did Robyn Gobbel become interested in working with the most challenging kids?
6:09–11:41
3
What is relational neuroscience and how does it explain adaptive behavior?
11:41–17:28
4
How do the brain’s connection mode and protection mode affect a child’s behavior?
17:28–22:34
5
What are the owl, watchdog, and possum brain‑state metaphors and how can parents use them?
22:34–28:08
6
What practical tools does the book offer to invite regulation, connection, and felt safety?
28:08–33:29
7
Why is caring for your own regulated state essential before helping your child?
33:29–38:33
8
How can parents move from feeling stuck to making incremental, meaningful change?
38:33–41:19
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
TPP 266a: A Conversation with Poet and Advocate LeDerick Horne
TPP 522: A Whole Child Approach to ADHD with Phil Boucher, M.D.
TPP 091a: A Conversation With Steve Silberman About His Book “Neurotribes”
TPP 521: A Conversation with Dr. Peter Gray About Restoring Childhood
TPP 253a: Advocate and Author Jonathan Mooney on Why Normal Sucks
TPP 520: Dr. Özgür Bolat on Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science of Motivating Kids