TPP 497: The Inner Work Behind Staying Present, with Matthew Fishleder

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Unknown 0:00
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Debbie Reber 0:29
I'm Debbie Reber, and this is Full Tilt Parenting. Today we are turning the lens inward and talking about the inner life of parents, especially those of us, you guys out there listening to this show, Raising Neurodivergent Kids. My guest is Matthew Fischleader, a licensed marriage and family therapist who works with adults navigating anxiety, life transitions, and just the emotional complexity of being human. Essential focus of Matthew's work is supporting parents. Parents in understanding their own worry, guilt, and burnout as understandable responses to chronic stress. His approach is neurodiversity affirming and it's grounded in humanistic acceptance-based frameworks. So today we're gonna explore what's actually happening when parents get stuck in chronic worry about their kids' future, how self-criticism takes root, and why tending to our own inner world is foundational to our kids' sense.
Debbie Reber 1:19
of safety. Matthew will share practical, compassionate strategies for relating differently to anxiety so we can show up with more steadiness, more presence, and more connection, even in those moments when we're activated the most. So here is Matthew Fischleeder on the inner work behind staying present. Hey Matthew, welcome to the podcast.
Matthew Fishleder 1:41
Thanks so much for having me.
Debbie Reber 1:42
Yeah. I'm uh curious to see where we go in this conversation today. But I'd love to hear a little bit more about you. So just give us a little bit about your background and the lens through which you do the work that you do and maybe as part of that your personal why.
Matthew Fishleder 1:56
I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist in Maryland, Virginia, and California. I work with adults on understanding in kind of a depth oriented way, their current relationships, how they're showing up with important people in their life, especially parents, and the connections between What the present moment can feel like and a person's own past experiences in relationship, like how we show up as parents relative to how we were parented, the impact that the lifespan can have on the present moment.

What is the inner life of parents and why does it matter for neurodivergent kids?

Matthew Fishleder 2:33
Part of my journey is both being a child of parents and a parent myself. But also I've been interested in this work since high school I started reading about psychotherapy and the benefits of a healing relationship when other kids were playing sports. And it's always been a deep curiosity of mine, a passion of mine to connect people's stories.
Debbie Reber 2:59
Yeah, I actually read in your bio that you were using nonviolent communication to help support conflicts in the fourth grade. Can you say more about that?
Matthew Fishleder 3:09
Yeah, in fourth grade there was this conflict resolution team at my school that I volunteered for. I was just inclined. It was like, Yeah, I wanna do that. And when we saw a any kind of dispute or even like a physical, reasonably safe physical fight on the playground, I would go toward that and I would ask people to stand which you stand over here, you stand over here. Why don't we talk about what happened and try to use I statements, sentences that start with I, I feel or I was doing this. And we would parse through whatever the conflict was. And I just found that the process of helping people through that present moment was really rewarding. And I went different directions in my life and circled back to counseling and psychotherapy.
Matthew Fishleder 3:56
It's always been kind of a a sort of home base for me.
Debbie Reber 4:00
That's super interesting. Yeah, when I read it I I was like, Wow, you were very precocious young person, but that's so cool that there was actually a formal conflict team. That's very cool.
Matthew Fishleder 4:09
Yeah, I had my little blue shirt with conflict resolution team on it.
Debbie Reber 4:12
Oh, that's awesome. So all right, let's move into the present day then and the work that you do with parents.

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