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Hamish & Andy

330 - ⁠Hamish’s Meme Misfire

06 May 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: How can Bec incorporate golf into her wedding?

2.647 - 3.97 Hamish

a listener production.

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4.07 - 19.322 Unknown

Activate your internet because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three, two... Sorry, still buffering.

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23.757 - 34.184 Hamish

Ahoy to me perimetrium, Hamish. Just before the metrium, huh? Yes. Okay. Ahoy to me myometrium, Jack.

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35.907 - 37.649 Hamish

We're inside the body somewhere.

38.511 - 45.821 Jack

Yes. But where, Jack? It's in our tiny, shrunk-down submarine that we're touring the body in. It's such a big place.

46.642 - 51.028 Hamish

Maybe where Andy is driving, we'll discover where we are. I think this is probably the one.

Chapter 2: What surprises does Darcy face in 'Darcy Under the Microscope'?

51.068 - 57.056 Hamish

This is the part that I was like, oh, I recognise this. The other two I didn't know. Endometrium. I am.

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57.657 - 61.062 Jack

Oh, are we in the womb? We are in the womb.

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61.082 - 64.266 Hamish

In the reproductive system. Yes, we are.

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64.326 - 70.419 Jack

What are we doing in there? No-one asked us to go in there.

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70.459 - 85.616 Hamish

You are the outermost layer, Ham. Jack is the middle layer, the thickest layer. And I am the innermost layer, the mucous membrane. But together, you and I are hugging Jack and making sure that no-one can get to him. We sure are.

Chapter 3: Why does Hamish's meme not resonate with his wife Zoë?

85.636 - 97.415 Jack

And while... I mean, yeah, just for three guys to assume the role of the inner workings of a womb is... No, we do it. I mean, it's a controversial way to start the show.

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97.475 - 99.039 Hamish

No, it's okay. We're learning. We're learning.

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99.38 - 104.572 Jack

No, we are being progressive. We're being allies. I don't think it's being scientific.

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105.414 - 111.088 Hamish

But it was good science. Ahoy also to Will, who went to hamishandy.com to let us know what he's been up to.

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111.068 - 121.022 Will

Ahoy, boys. Will here, calling in from a sunny San Francisco. Just a quick note. I think something went a little bit under the radar in last week's pod.

Chapter 4: What challenges arise when returning borrowed items?

121.964 - 146.736 Will

At around seven minutes and three seconds, to be exact, Andy did pronounce what I would call a shammy, and I think most would term it that. He did pronounce it as a sham-wah. which perhaps, Andy, you've got a butler at home or maybe even a few who are French and perhaps do pronounce them as chamois when they are drying your car off.

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146.916 - 156.327 Will

But I would say the common man is typically calling that a chamois. So, Andy, enjoy the chamois. But, yeah, that's lost touch.

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157.272 - 169.712 Andy

He's got you. What would you call it? I call it chamois. I thought a chamois was like the brand name for it. Chamois for me. I'm very calm now.

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171.397 - 173.54 Jack

Yep. I was always going to say that.

Chapter 5: How do the boys plan to execute the wedding idea?

174.161 - 178.027 Jack

Are you thinking of the ShamWow? Maybe I'm thinking of the ShamWow. That's it.

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178.047 - 199.598 Hamish

I think that was like a home shopping. My dad used to call it a ShamWow, and I wouldn't say he's lost touch. He's passed that down. Well, maybe he had, and you didn't know. He's a primary school teacher. We had the one camper van that I was helping him watch. It was a family car and camper van that I was helping. No other cars. Oh, two cars. No, he had the one car. Oh, double used car, though. No.

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Chapter 6: What are the humorous moments during the wedding planning?

199.578 - 204.863 Hamish

Oh, wait, it's the same. It was a camper van and your... It was the family car. The camper van was the family car.

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204.883 - 207.985 Jack

That's pretty common, man. That is pretty common. It's tough to dissect that one.

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208.025 - 213.27 Hamish

There was a point where we all went to the same school. Mum and Dad both taught at the school. We all went to that school.

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213.81 - 217.253 Jack

And there was a point... And did you live in the camper van at the school or did you go to some other house?

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217.273 - 225.08 Hamish

No, we had a house. Must be nice. Multiple places to sleep. Must be very nice. Do we sleep at school?

Chapter 7: How does the discussion shift to the drum kit situation?

225.1 - 230.086 Hamish

Do we sleep at home? We're spoiled for choice. Too many beds. Pass the chamois, Daddy.

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230.107 - 234.415 Jack

Why don't we just roll up all our chamois and sleep on a big mattress of chamois?

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234.455 - 244.536 Hamish

There was Red Nose Day back in the day. There was a day where I can remember all five of us with a red nose on heading into school, and I was like, can't believe we didn't get bullied more as kids.

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244.516 - 249.524 Jack

As we get out of the camper van, there's a family. Yeah.

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249.624 - 250.125 Matt

Anyway.

250.405 - 268.234 Jack

Well, I mean, fond memories, but it just goes to show you can't slip anything past listeners. They will catch you. They'll catch any indiscretion. I mean, I'd say your upbringing was pretty common, man. If there's one area I'm happy for you to lose touch, it's for your upcoming wedding.

Chapter 8: What conclusions do they reach about the drum kit return?

268.615 - 280.814 Jack

It'll be later this year, and the more outrageous the idea is, the better. That's certainly been the policy that we've been running on the show. Jack and I have had limited success getting our ideas into your wedding.

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280.994 - 304.006 Hamish

Can I say, even though Beck now knows it was a joke, the lingering feeling of me having bad ideas remains. Oh, so you're trying to pitch real ideas now, but you're tarnished by your reputation. I'm gone. You're a clown. Yeah. So just be careful with games, everybody, because I think Beck subconsciously now thinks that every idea I have is terrible.

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304.186 - 308.312 Jack

Give us an example of a real one you tried to pitch that's, like, elegant.

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308.812 - 312.437 Hamish

I wanted surprise, surprise speech. So at the wedding.

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312.457 - 313.499 Jack

This sounds like a two-pointer.

314.4 - 314.5

Jeez.

315.577 - 323.747 Hamish

That would fit right in with the game. It's boring. It's always the same people speaking. I reckon there should be like...

324.183 - 336.925 Jack

I think like a spotlight goes round. Mate, it's bad enough when people get a speech and they're prepared. You do not want it landing on number 72 at the wedding and them standing up going, here I go. I'm just going to wing it.

337.265 - 343.316 Hamish

A lot of my mates are very keen on the where approach with the number of what order of invite you thought you were going to be.

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