Chapter 1: How can Bec incorporate golf into her wedding?
a listener production.
Activate your internet because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three, two... Sorry, still buffering.
Ahoy to me perimetrium, Hamish. Just before the metrium, huh? Yes. Okay. Ahoy to me myometrium, Jack.
Okay.
We're inside the body somewhere.
Yes. But where, Jack? It's in our tiny, shrunk-down submarine that we're touring the body in. It's such a big place.
Maybe where Andy is driving, we'll discover where we are. I think this is probably the one.
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Chapter 2: What surprises does Darcy face in 'Darcy Under the Microscope'?
This is the part that I was like, oh, I recognise this. The other two I didn't know. Endometrium. I am.
Oh, are we in the womb? We are in the womb.
In the reproductive system. Yes, we are.
What are we doing in there? No-one asked us to go in there.
You are the outermost layer, Ham. Jack is the middle layer, the thickest layer. And I am the innermost layer, the mucous membrane. But together, you and I are hugging Jack and making sure that no-one can get to him. We sure are.
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Chapter 3: Why does Hamish's meme not resonate with his wife Zoë?
And while... I mean, yeah, just for three guys to assume the role of the inner workings of a womb is... No, we do it. I mean, it's a controversial way to start the show.
No, it's okay. We're learning. We're learning.
No, we are being progressive. We're being allies. I don't think it's being scientific.
But it was good science. Ahoy also to Will, who went to hamishandy.com to let us know what he's been up to.
Ahoy, boys. Will here, calling in from a sunny San Francisco. Just a quick note. I think something went a little bit under the radar in last week's pod.
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Chapter 4: What challenges arise when returning borrowed items?
At around seven minutes and three seconds, to be exact, Andy did pronounce what I would call a shammy, and I think most would term it that. He did pronounce it as a sham-wah. which perhaps, Andy, you've got a butler at home or maybe even a few who are French and perhaps do pronounce them as chamois when they are drying your car off.
But I would say the common man is typically calling that a chamois. So, Andy, enjoy the chamois. But, yeah, that's lost touch.
MUSIC
He's got you. What would you call it? I call it chamois. I thought a chamois was like the brand name for it. Chamois for me. I'm very calm now.
Yep. I was always going to say that.
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Chapter 5: How do the boys plan to execute the wedding idea?
Are you thinking of the ShamWow? Maybe I'm thinking of the ShamWow. That's it.
I think that was like a home shopping. My dad used to call it a ShamWow, and I wouldn't say he's lost touch. He's passed that down. Well, maybe he had, and you didn't know. He's a primary school teacher. We had the one camper van that I was helping him watch. It was a family car and camper van that I was helping. No other cars. Oh, two cars. No, he had the one car. Oh, double used car, though. No.
Chapter 6: What are the humorous moments during the wedding planning?
Oh, wait, it's the same. It was a camper van and your... It was the family car. The camper van was the family car.
That's pretty common, man. That is pretty common. It's tough to dissect that one.
There was a point where we all went to the same school. Mum and Dad both taught at the school. We all went to that school.
And there was a point... And did you live in the camper van at the school or did you go to some other house?
No, we had a house. Must be nice. Multiple places to sleep. Must be very nice. Do we sleep at school?
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Chapter 7: How does the discussion shift to the drum kit situation?
Do we sleep at home? We're spoiled for choice. Too many beds. Pass the chamois, Daddy.
Why don't we just roll up all our chamois and sleep on a big mattress of chamois?
There was Red Nose Day back in the day. There was a day where I can remember all five of us with a red nose on heading into school, and I was like, can't believe we didn't get bullied more as kids.
As we get out of the camper van, there's a family. Yeah.
Anyway.
Well, I mean, fond memories, but it just goes to show you can't slip anything past listeners. They will catch you. They'll catch any indiscretion. I mean, I'd say your upbringing was pretty common, man. If there's one area I'm happy for you to lose touch, it's for your upcoming wedding.
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Chapter 8: What conclusions do they reach about the drum kit return?
It'll be later this year, and the more outrageous the idea is, the better. That's certainly been the policy that we've been running on the show. Jack and I have had limited success getting our ideas into your wedding.
Can I say, even though Beck now knows it was a joke, the lingering feeling of me having bad ideas remains. Oh, so you're trying to pitch real ideas now, but you're tarnished by your reputation. I'm gone. You're a clown. Yeah. So just be careful with games, everybody, because I think Beck subconsciously now thinks that every idea I have is terrible.
Give us an example of a real one you tried to pitch that's, like, elegant.
I wanted surprise, surprise speech. So at the wedding.
This sounds like a two-pointer.
Jeez.
That would fit right in with the game. It's boring. It's always the same people speaking. I reckon there should be like...
I think like a spotlight goes round. Mate, it's bad enough when people get a speech and they're prepared. You do not want it landing on number 72 at the wedding and them standing up going, here I go. I'm just going to wing it.
A lot of my mates are very keen on the where approach with the number of what order of invite you thought you were going to be.
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