Handing the Shame Back
Episodes
Marita Murphy Interview - Part 2
17 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Marita Murphy: Victim. Survivor. Advocate.This is part 2 of Marita's story.She was initially sexually abused by a teenage boy & friend ...
Marita Murphy Interview - Part 1
15 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Marita Murphy: Victim. Survivor. Advocate.This is part 1 of Marita's story.She was initially sexually abused by a teenage boy & friend ...
Survivor Tip #30 - Not Giving up
12 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Hey SurvivorsThis is linked to Lorward Choi's interview, now live on YouTube.Not giving up on yourself, can be a real challenge. E.g., stopping t...
Lorward Choi Interview - Part 2
10 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Lorward ChoiSurvivor. Optimist. Brother.In this: Part 2 of his interview, Lorward discusses the challenges he faced, sometimes on a daily basis w...
Lorward Choi Interview - Part 1
08 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Lorward ChoiBrother. Optimist. Survivor. He was groomed and abused in his first year at college by someone who was considered a friend. This per...
Survivor Tip #29 - Dysregulation
05 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
SurvivorsThis tip is linked to Juanita Phillips interview, which is now live on YouTube.We need to understand dysregulation and how it affects us: It ...
Juanita Phillips Interview - Part 2
03 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Juanita PhillipsSurvivor. Advocate. Poet.In this: Part 2 of her interview, Juanita discusses how Dysregulation affected her life as a survivor. S...
Juanita Phillips Interview - Part 1
01 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Juanita PhillipsSurvivor. Advocate. Poet. She survived abuse from 8 perpetrators starting from the age of 3. She tried to get justice by going t...
Justifying
26 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
All too often as survivors we find ourselves justifying what happened, over explaining, compensating, rationalising and defending our position.Stop do...
Survivor Tip #28 - Get out of Your own Way
24 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors:Sometimes we have an intention or a wish to have certain things experienced.We put it out there and hope it will happen. BUT: Then we get re...
Phillippa Corney Interview: Trigger Warning
21 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivor, advocate, Traditional Chinese Medicine Practitioner 'After decades, a NZ woman reveals her explosive escape from the SRA cult she was ...
Survivor Tip #27 Seeing your Abuser
17 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors Seeing your AbuserThis provides insight into responses triggered by seeing your abuser unexpectedly. Your behaviour may surprise you, espec...
Rehann Handford Interview
14 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Rehann Handford,Dad. Survivor. and Mens Mental Health Advocate.He was sexually Abused between 7 and 12 years of age by a male family friend aroun...
Tips for Supporting Survivors #37
12 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Monthly Tips for those of you Supporting survivors.Sometimes your survivor telling their story to people who struggle with cognitive dissonance, can b...
Survivor Tip #26
10 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
SurvivorsWe need to look for the positives in our lives. We sometimes default to existing in our trauma responses, and being careful, cautious and ove...
Rachel Vaughan Interview
07 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Rachel VaughanAbused from when she was a toddler, what Rachel has been through is unimaginable. This brave survivor says that speaking out has he...
Survivor Tip #25 Cognitive Dissonance
03 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors Cognitive DissonanceDescribes the mental discomfort people feel when their beliefs clash with reality. With CSA they want to believe that p...
John Callas Interview
31 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
John CallasFilmmaker. Survivor. AuthorJohn's trauma began when he was 3 and his dad died. His sisters friend tried to rape him when he was 11, th...
Survivor Tip #24
27 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors Trusting your instinct is something we constantly need to revisit.It will be difficult, as we couldn't follow our instinct during the ...
Emma Jane Taylor Interview
24 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Emma Jane TaylorSurvivor.Campaigner/Founder Project 9010 90 being the percentage of abusers known to child, the other 10 being the percentage of...
Power and Survivors
22 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
For Survivors of sexual abuse: Feeling confident doesn't happen naturally, the fear and paralysis can be so strong, it can re-traumatise us if ig...
Survivor Tip #23 Walking on Eggshells
20 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors at times:We feel blocked. There is a massive elephant in the room, because we know others don't want to know what happened to us, but...
Greg Evans Interview
17 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Greg EvansSurvivor.Survivor Advocate.Vlogger.He survived Dilworth School, and the physical sexual and emotional abuse by teachers and older boys....
Tips for Supporting Survivors #36
15 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Monthly Tips for those of you Supporting survivors.Did you know there are 4 main Love languages and they include: Kindness, Spending time with, Physic...
Survivor Tip #22
13 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors Feeling Triggered is something we will experience throughout our lives.This is especially hard in situations where we have to do an intro...
Mekaela Nance Interview
10 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Mekaela NanceDog mum. Survivor. MusicianShe is from North Carolina, and the youngest of 4 children, the only girl.She was abused by her brother 5...
Survivor Tip #21 Connection
06 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors Its time to think about connection.Connection with people that matter: friends and family who know what you went through but don't kno...
Sam Troth walking NZ
06 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Sam TrothBack again, this time walking the width of NZ to raise awareness for the male survivors of child sexual abuse.He is passionate, dedicate...
John-Michael Lander Interview
03 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet John-MichaelSurvivor.Athlete & AdvocateJohn survived years of sexual abuse and grooming both within and outside of the home. He was Abused b...
Survivor Tip #20
30 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors:How and when should you tell your kids about your abuse?First check in with yourself, is this your need to share, or is it going to be helpf...
Lisa Cameron Interview
27 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Lisa CameronMother. CSA Survivor. Warrior.Lisa was abused for years, from the time she was 2 years of age, until she was around 23. The abuse was...
Survivor Tip #19 - Lets Celebrate
23 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors:Let's CelebrateHow far you've come and what you've managed to achieve . Look at what you are now able to do in your life. We ...
Lake Alice Panel Discussion [Severe Trigger Warning]
20 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
SEVERE TRIGGER WARNING.Disturbing Content - Viewer Discretion AdvisedLake Alice Hospital, was a rural psychiatric facility in the South Island of NZ. ...
Telling your children
18 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Before you launch into telling your children about your abuse, some valuable questions to ask yourself first is why? Why now? Who will this benefit? H...
Survivor Tip #18 - Survivor Guilt
16 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors:It is time to realise that guilt about younger siblings being abused, has no place in our lives anymore.If you had a younger brother or sist...
Chris Tuck Interview
13 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Chris TuckActivist. Survivor. Author.Chris survived sexual abuse at the age of 9 and then again at 15. She also endured physical and emotional ab...
Tips for Supporting Survivors #35
11 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Monthly Tips for those of you Supporting survivors.This month is on intimacy and sexual relationships, and the challenges that can emerge.Be real with...
Survivor Tip #17
09 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors - We Need to:Give ourselves permission to struggle at times with intimacy and intimate relationships. This is a topic not often discussed as...
Kane Brisco Interview
06 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Kane Brisco.Survivor. Dad. Husband. FarmerKane was abused between 8-9 years old by a teenager known to his Uncle. He didn't tell anyone for...
Survivor Tip #16
02 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors - We Need to:Consider how we deal with Medical appointments specifically smear tests for women and prostate exam for men. Even going to the ...
Jodie Herlihy Interview
29 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Jodie Herlihy. Survivor. Jodie survived 28 years of relentless targeted sexual abuse from her stepfather. Her son is the product and the most am...
Survivor Tip #15
25 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors - We Need to:Start using our MindsIt is the most powerful thing we have. There will never be a device or computer that can begin to measure ...
Shawn Wildermuth Interview
22 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Shawn Wildermuth from Atlanta Georgia. Survivor. Author.Filmmaker. He was abused at 6, then again at 13 by his older brother. He believes that i...
Having your own back
20 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Having your own back is sometimes hard for us as survivors.It can be difficult if we have been used to not speaking up for ourselves, and when we are ...
Survivor Tip #14
18 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors we need to: Start using the words: I AMAnything added after those words can become your reality.Without thinking we so often put ourselves ...
Tips for Supporting Survivors #34
13 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Monthly Tips for those of you Supporting survivors.Feel free to reach out for any resources including coaching and books, by going directly to https...
Survivor Tip #13
11 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors - We Need to:RESTSometimes we keep ourselves as busy as possible so we are distracted from the reality of our trauma and the impact the abus...
Kimi Parata Interview
08 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Kimi ParataSurvivor. Mother. Wahine Toa.She was abused from the age of 5 by her neighbour, then her brother in law at age 10 and finally her uncl...
Survivor Tip #12
04 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors - We Need to:Stop Doing: Start BeingBeing gets a bad wrap, its not understood, but, it's just as important as doing. All it means is be...
Phill Ashworth Interview
01 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Phil Ashworth only speaks the truth. He was abused over a 4 year period, while at boarding school in Australia. The school in question; Knox Grammar ...
Survivor Tip #11
28 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors - We Need to:Have some Fun!I know it sounds weird on a channel like this, but we need to lighten our load. We cant always be in the trauma a...
Jeanette Archer Interview
25 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
SEVERE Trigger WarningMeet Jeanette: Survivor of Satanic Ritual abuse, Advocate and Campaigner.She was raised in a family of satanists. Her family wer...
Self-Sabotage
23 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Self-SabotageAppears in our lives and is never welcome. However we do have the power to rid ourselves of this, we just need to understand it first. ...
Survivor Tip #10
21 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors - We Need to:Understand that when we are meant to face into our trauma, we will know without any doubt whatsoever. It will appear, reappear ...
Corey Boden Interview
18 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Corey, Survivor, Father and Truth-teller.Sadly, he lost both parents between the ages of 13 - 15, first, his mother to cancer, then his father a ...
Survivor Tip #9
14 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors - We Need to:Understand that our potential may still be untapped as the voice in our heads negated who we were and the possibilities we had ...
Global Awareness Walk
13 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Global Awareness WalkThis walk is on sat 17th June at 10am (your time) for people around the world, to raise awareness and show support for the up to ...
Global Awareness Day
12 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Global Awareness DayWe are launching our Global Awareness Day for Handing the Shame Back on Friday 16 June, which incorporates the following focus:1. ...
Liz Roberts Interview
11 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Liz, a survivor of Sibling Sexual Abuse.She believes that, in part, her parents created the environment where abuse was allowed to happen and con...
Tips for Supporting Survivors #33
09 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Monthly Tips for those of you Supporting survivors.Feel free to reach out for any resources including coaching and books, by going directly to https...
Survivor Tip #8
07 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors - We Need to:Understand that forgiving our abusers and/or their enablers is entirely our choice. We are not a better person if we do. We are...
Phil Goldstein Interview
02 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Phil GoldsteinSurvivor of Sibling sexual Abuse, Poet and Dad of Fur Babies.What helped him emerge through his abuse was Creative writing (poetry)...
Survivor Tip #7
28 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors - We Need to:Start to honour ourselves and our feelings by allowing whatever is emerging in us to come through us. This helps us to further ...
Katy Sudano Interview
27 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Katy Sudano, Survivor, Author and mother of 5.She was abused by her stepfather for years, with her mothers knowledge. She wrote the book Truth gi...
Feeling Proud
25 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Feeling proud is not available to us as survivors, or is it?We were conditioned to keep quiet and silent, and pride filled moments did not fit within ...
Survivor Tip #6
23 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors - We Need to:Build Self care: including resting, having breaks, eating properly. We also need to stop responding to everyone else's nee...
Dragica llic Interview
20 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Poet. Sibling Sexual Abuse Survivor. Dragica experienced Sibling sexual abuse for over 4 years by her older brother. She believes that what would ...
Survivor Tip #5
16 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors - We Need to:Start to understand which one of the trauma responses is our predominant one, and observe that. This will show itself in all ou...
Craig Heiting Interview
13 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Craig Heiting: Survivor, Husband and Entertainment industry executiveHe was abused by an older neighbour between 8-14 years of age. They were tr...
Survivor Tip #4
09 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors - We Need to:Stop gaslighting ourselves through: Thinking its all in our heads: Not validating how we really feel; Putting others feelings a...
Tips for Supporting Survivors #32
08 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Monthly Tips for those of you Supporting survivors.Feel free to reach out for any resources including coaching and books, by going directly to https...
Kerry-Anne Gibbins Interview
05 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet the wonderful Kerry-AnneSurvivor, Singer, and advocate for Van Hippel-Lindau (VHL) sufferers.When Kerry’s parents died, she went into foster ca...
Survivor Tip #3
03 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors we Need to:Look after ourselves when days are toughDo less not moreSurround ourselves with kindnessAcknowledge how amazing we are.Go to our ...
Survivor Tip #2
02 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors we need to:Stand in the truthHave own back.Not waste time justifying ourselves to others.We do not need to be DARVOedGo to our website (see ...
Gratitude
02 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Feeling grateful as survivors can sometimes be a challenge.Isn't getting through the day enough?What is there to be grateful for? Really?Have a l...
Keeper Catran-Whitney Interview
30 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Keeper, Survivor, Brother of survivors and Speaker.He is a survivor of sexual abuse. He is also a brother to some of his siblings being sexually ...
Panel Discussion - March 2023
22 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Ken Clearwater and Todd Portsmouth join me in discussing one of the cruellest responses directed at male survivors of child sexual abuse: The one whe...
Survivor Tip #1
20 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Survivors we need to:Encompass Self LoveTrust ourselvesNot compare our story to others SufferingGo to our website (see below) for more information on ...
Tips for Supporting Survivors #31
17 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Monthly Tips for those of you Supporting survivors.Feel free to reach out for any resources including coaching and books, by going directly to https...
Jeremy Indika Interview
06 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Jeremy Indika who was abused between 8-10 years of age. This person was a trusted work friend of his father. He first disclosed at age 25. He s...
Nettie Long Interview
06 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Nettie LongShe was abused from age 3 - 7 years by an older female cousin, then again at 12 by an assistant pastor. She told her parents, and it...
Invisible
05 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Being Invisible as survivors is not an uncommon experience.We learned to hide and keep our shame hidden. For healing and a way forward perhaps its tim...
Unfiltered Stories interviews Gloria
02 Mar 2023
Contributed by Lukas
This interview depicts my 16 years of horror at the hands of my father, and then his paedophile rings. I share this, so other survivors can feel seen,...
Nick Cotton Interview
23 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
This short interview discusses my abuse, and looks at the impact it had.We talk through the Silent Endemic adult survivors of child sexual abuse exper...
Tony Baker Interview
20 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Tony BakerHe is a Peer support worker for Male Support Services Waikato, he is also a father and a Survivor.He was abused by a neighbour at 8 yea...
Tips for Supporting Survivors #30
16 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Monthly Tips for those of you Supporting survivors.Feel free to reach out for any resources including coaching and books, by going directly to https...
Taylah Ma Interview
13 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Taylah Ma is the sister of a survivor,Here is her story.Although 13 years younger than her sister, Taylah observed the pain and trauma her sister suff...
Disappointment
09 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Having disappointment in our lives helps us. It makes us vulnerable and therefore anxious; we have to dig deep to overcome and master these feelings b...
Nancy Morris Interview
06 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Survivor Nancy MorrisShe experienced Sibling Sexual Abuse from the age of 8 - 16 years, and generously shares her story. She believes that keepin...
Tips for Supporting Survivors #29
01 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Supporters sometimes don't set limits or boundaries with Survivors, but although they are well meaning; the effect can have a negative impact on ...
Girls on Fire Interview
29 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
This short interview discusses my abuse, and looks at the impact it had.We lightly touch on conviction rates in south africa and NZ.HELPNZ Sexual...
Penny Portsmouth Interview
26 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Meet Penny: Married to a Survivor called ToddShe shares what works for them in managing the impact child sexual abuse has in their lives. She suggests...
Welcome to 2023
23 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
This is a short introduction to the year and what is happening with Handing the Shame Back.Including introducing Events: 1. Speaking events 2. Walk/...
Lee Underwood Interview
19 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Welcome to our very first interview with a "Supporter" of a Survivor.Lee is an ex wife of one, and shares the experiences of navigating the ...
Round the Bays 2023
17 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Handing The Shame Back is doing its first charity held event. For those not familiar Round the bays charity fun run or walk is held in NZ annually and...
Doubt
15 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Doubt is hard for us as survivors and can show up unexpectedly at times.There are many reasons why this is a core feature of our lives, not the least ...
Tips for Supporting Survivors #28
14 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
This is actually dedicated to the person supporting the survivor.Please watch carefully and hopefully you will gain a few tips in there.If you are int...
Sarah Gallardo Interview
12 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Sarah interviews me and we cover many topics:One We discuss is the power of Truth, and how it will always stand the test of time. We also look at the...
REOSA Interview
10 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Libby and Kate are sisters who did a walk of awareness throughout NZ to share information about REOSA (Ripple effects of sexual abuse). What they fo...
Grace
08 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Grace:Seen as limitless and in plentiful supply, it is also defined as the powerful, benevolent, unwavering energy of the universe that guides us towa...