Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready? One, two, three. Patriots, gay-triots, they-triots, black-triots, brown-triots, we love you. And all of the fascist triple Trumpers can do what, Pumps? Welcome to America's Top DEI Podcast, where we kick ass and take names every day, seven days a week, 24-7, 365. Pumps, what have you had it with?
Okay, what I've had it with, and I think this just proves that I am nothing but a cranky old fart. I have had it with self-checkout. Until I only have three items and then I have to wait in line. So then I've had it that they don't have self-checkout. So what I've decided is I can't be happy. I don't want to be happy. I want to bitch that there's no self-checkout.
And then I want to bitch that there's only self-checkout.
I relate to this. There are so many things that I have absolutely had it with. And then when they're not available to me, I'm irritated at that. I think that's incredibly relatable. I would imagine that you're not very good at self-checkout.
Yeah.
Okay.
I have to say, I am not very good at self-checkout and it has given me like a huge respect for grocers that do that all day because like finding the deal and doing all that, it's just harder than I thought it would be.
Yeah. I imagined. Yeah, I imagined. I'm kind of surprised to no one. I'm great at self-checkout. I shine. I thrive. I'm ready. I'm efficient.
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Chapter 2: What frustrations do the hosts express about self-checkout?
It's kind of like I approach self-checkout the same way I do TSA. When I go through TSA, I want all of the TSA agents to be like in awe, like, wow, she was ready. She had everything out and ready. She went through, what a great passenger she is. Likewise, I think about the feelings and the observational view of the checker outers behind me, the customers behind me.
They were like, God, this old lady, this Gen Xer, she's going to take forever. And I'm like, hold my beer. out the door. And I got my dogs with me half the time too. And they just sit and they just, they watch and that's a great support as you can imagine. All right. So let me tell you what I've had it with. Um, this has to do with my husband, Josh.
And, um, he doesn't really listen to this podcast. He just finds out from other people what I say about him on it. Yeah. So when he was in New York last week, we work out together and it's fun to do to go work out together. The problem is I like to work out without taking a break.
Like if I do a bicep curl and then a squat and then a sit up and I'm going to do all of those things in rotation, I don't take a break in between each one. And he likes to lollygag and have a sip of water. and all of these things, right? Which, okay, whatever, I'm a little bit more fit than he is. I mean, whatevs, right? So the last, I went at his pace.
Monday through Thursday that he was in New York last week. I went, we were team, we were in unison. He did a curl, I was doing curls. If I finished before him, I paused, I waited. By Friday, I had fucking had it. And I was like, it's game on. So I went and our trainer's name is Emily. And I was like, okay, Emily, what's the next exercise? And I have lapped him now.
I'm like so far ahead of him in the exercise. I can feel the titty baby exuding from his body, right? I can feel it. And I know, I've made a calculation. I know that later on today, I'm gonna hear like, we were supposed to work out together. And I knew, and I thought, you know what? I'm gonna take that. Because I want my heart rate to get up and I want my heart rate to stay up.
And I'll just – I'll deal with the aftermath at a later date. So I finish the workout much faster than he does and I go to the rowing machine and just crank out about 700 meters just until he finishes. Oh, you were that far ahead? Oh, way ahead. Wow. It's not even close. Okay. So we leave and as we walk home it starts. He said – You know, we were supposed to like work out together.
And I go, oh, here we go. Here we go. I knew this was coming. And he goes, I said, I'm just, I don't like to take a break. I like to get a cardio exercise. And if we're just working out for an hour, I can rest before. I can rest after. I don't want to rest during. I want, I like to be an efficient person. And he said, he said, well, I'm lifting much heavier weights than you are.
And I'm I'm really, you know, like basically he's telling me he's stronger and he's a better exerciser than I am, that I'm just blazing through it. And that's not the case. Yes, he is stronger. He is stronger. There's no question. He's a male. He's six foot four, et cetera. Actually, six foot three. Last year, he upgraded his height to six foot four.
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Chapter 3: How do the hosts navigate the dynamics of working out together?
We do. I think this would be ubiquitous with lesbians, high-charged emotional stuff.
Yeah, and I'm a very serious TV watcher. Yeah. Right. Anna, you know, pretty ADHD. TV is not like she's just not laser focused on it. I'm the annoying one that's like watching her watch the show to make sure she's paying attention. I hate that. So I've just started blazing through and I think she's kind of given up on. I want to talk to you all about something.
This is something interesting that we need to discuss with the les triots. So if you have friends that are a lesbian couple. And you're friends with one over the other, but you like the other person's wife a lot. And you're going to do some sort of girl dinner. Oftentimes, you might think, I want to invite my main friend, but not the wife. Well, that seems really exclusionary.
You know, that doesn't seem right. But nobody else is bringing their husband.
Right.
Right? So this is a tricky situation in lesbian culture. And Kyla, I'd like for you to weigh in on this because I've experienced this back in Oklahoma City. We have, you know, a lot of my pickleball friends are lesbians. And this is something that we've talked about. So how do you navigate this?
You've just nailed like a real issue. It's real. Because the lines are so blurred with it being girls. Right. Anna and I have, we purposefully work on this, like, she has to go have time with her friends. It's completely separate because I wouldn't want my friend to bring her boyfriend who I don't like.
So, like, but it is tricky, like, couple friends, especially in lesbians, it's foursome or pretty much bust. Someone's feelings are going to get hurt.
Couldn't the rule just be if you're not inviting the husbands, the girlfriend doesn't come, the wife doesn't come?
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Chapter 4: What challenges arise in the hosts' relationship with gym etiquette?
It just got dismissed. But Laura Loomer like brags about giving Trump a blowjob, which I'm like, that would be my nobody would know that ever. I would deny that until they laid me in the ground.
I also just I miss. Wait, hang on. Would you rather Ted Cruz or Donald Trump blowjob? From soft to completion to ejaculation to swallow, you have to pick Donald Trump or Ted Cruz pumps. Pick one.
Okay. A couple of questions before I answer. Okay. I'm happy to answer. I would think that with Trump's ankles, I think he cannot, he does not have enough blood flow to get a hard dick. So I think it would just, it would go on forever and ever. So you could never, I mean, you'd be sitting up forever. So you're sucking Ted. Your second Ted. That would have to be Ted.
You know, we haven't done a good fuck, marry, kill in a long time, Kylie.
We need to do that. We do. Those are so fun. Kylie, what did you find? I was just, I messed up and I didn't read the best part of this tweet. This is how Laura closes out her Candace tweet. Let's be clear. There is nothing pure, Christ-like, or Catholic about Candace Owens. She's basically, she's basically a female Jim Jones.
What?
Like Jones, she will lead all her followers to their own demise when they drink too much of her poisoned Kool-Aid. Oh, that's so good. God. The Insane Asylum is... Rampant. It's open. It's open.
Laura and Erica could park next to each other in the lot.
Were they ever friends? It sounds like it. She says she told me.
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