Alex Brooker: The Christmas Intervention (In April)
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
I fucking hate Christmas. What? So you, apparently, love it. Yeah, I'm all right about it. Yeah, I don't mind it.
Fucking hell. One thing we didn't want him to say. You might as well have been an elf, mate. His is movie quality. Mine's more sort of fake taxi quality. Half the room got the reference.
What did you say your occupation is? Professional disabled.
I've turned these little buggers and this bastard into a career. He's done with disability what you've done with the traitors. Milked it. Hello, welcome to my office. This is Joe Marla will see you now with me, Dr. Joe Marla. This is the show where I take a torch into the minds of Britain's favourite celebrities, shine a light around and see if I can help them find their way. With me, as always, is my trusty research assistant, Jake. Jake, why am I talking like this? Joe and Jake are coming. Joe and Jake are coming. Joe and Jake are coming. Always doing podcasts. Joe and Jake are coming. Joe and Jake are coming. Joe and Jake are coming. Always doing podcasts. Whoa! Christmas, motherfucker. Sorry, I don't know where that came from.
I've never said motherfucker ever. It's Christmas, brother. Wow. It is not Christmas, it's fucking March. Slash, depending on when this goes out, April. It's fucking April. Quick contingency plan, it's fucking May. It's fucking May. I think one thing we can all agree on, it is spring. It really is. And I mean that, I do. But sometimes you need to go to extreme lengths to help our patience out, right? Yeah. And this guy is obsessed with Christmas. So I think what we want to do is just hammer it home, put him face to face with the reality of the kitschness of a Christmas in the middle of spring and see how he deals with it.
Why are you dressed as Santa? I thought I was Santa. You are Santa.
Yeah. Because I have the movie quality outfit. Yeah, and obviously, you know, you're the host. And the voice. You're the host. And the retundness. Yeah. You were meant to be the fucking elf. I thought you were going to be the elf. And I did think to myself, that's weird that you're going to be the elf. Why would I be the elf? I don't know. That's why I thought it'd be weird if you would be the elf.
Unless you got confused that we were doing the film elf. In which you'd be main character. I would be the human, wouldn't I?
Yeah. I would be soon to be the... Oh, I should really be the... I've just worn what was out the back of the office.
Well, have you got... Maybe take it off. What have you got underneath?
No, you've got nothing underneath. Oh fuck, put it back on now. Are you wearing something underneath yours? Of course, I need something to like, sop it up. Whose costume is it?
I've gone fully nude underneath this, I think it's Janet's ex-husband's.
Oh my God.
I'm wearing, I'm naked in Janet's... He died in that. He died in this? Yeah.
Why did Joe and Jake stage a Christmas-themed ‘exposure therapy’ in April?
Janet's ex-husband died in this and I'm wearing it. Has it been washed? Does she know you've got that? Well, she was the one who said, oh, pop this on, it'll be fine. What? She said she had a lot of good times in this. But if he was wearing... Oh. That's the point. Okay, so we've cocked up on who's meant... We haven't got an elf, have we? We've got two Santas. I will always be your elf, though. Whenever you need anything elf-like being done. For example, I was a bit elfish earlier and I've done the office up. As you can see, your lovely skeleton. He's got a lovely hat on. We've got the lovely Christmas tree. Who's on the top of the Christmas tree? Michael Bourne! There's a tree I can see It can only mean one thing It's Christmas time for the world to see Just Christmas time for you, for me!
And me! Michael, ballie's knocking about. We've got tinsel, we've got lights. Honestly, it looks beautiful in here. It's going to be an absolute sort of attack to the senses for our patient when they come in. Do you like Christmas then? No. Why?
Worst time of the year. Worst?
Yeah, like worst. You've got a movie quality Santa's outfit on and you don't like Christmas?
No.
Why have you got that then?
Because I've got four kids.
Okay. Can't poison them that early, can I?
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:00–2:54
2
Why did Joe and Jake stage a Christmas-themed ‘exposure therapy’ in April?
2:54–9:22
3
Who is Alex Brooker and how is he introduced to the ‘doctor’s office’ setup?
9:22–36:43
4
How does Alex describe the origins of his Christmas obsession from childhood?
36:43–38:23
5
How do the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future reveal Alex’s memories and priorities?
38:23–43:55