Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at deathsquad.tv. And don't forget to check out everything Tony Hinchcliffe at tonyhinchcliffe.com. And the Sunset Strips, my new comedy club in Austin, Texas, go to sunsetstripatx.com. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
Hey, this is Redneck coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hitchclack!
Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives tonight, huh? Beep! Make some noise for Red Baron, everybody! Yeah, you did it. You made it. You're at the number one live podcast in the world right now. How we feeling tonight? Yeah, baby. This is indeed Kill Tony, brought to you by Squarespace, Shopify, Red Rose, Yellow Rose, and Gel Blaster.
How about one more time for the best damn band in the land, huh?
Yeah!
Joining us tonight, special guest, Terrell Shaheed over there on the saxophone. Austin, local legend. Of course, on the drums, the great and powerful Michael Gonzalez. Matt Muehling is out touring tonight. We are here with the band leader, the legend, every show in Austin, Texas. The one and only John Dees on the keys. And fan favorite...
And one of my own personal favorites, the great Dee Madness on the bass guitar, everyone. A lot of fun stuff planned for tonight's episode. Before we start it, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.
The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.
Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? Well, well, well. You know, thank God I might be one of the best fucking comedy bookers on planet Earth because when I smell talent, I attack. It's always been that way. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to present to you two of the best goddamn comedians on planet Earth and two of our favorite guests in the history of the show.
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Chapter 2: What is the significance of the comedy club mentioned?
Her location, in my area. The sex, casual and anonymous. No strings attached. Is she HIV positive? Oh, no. Is she going to try to steal my wallet later? Oh, yeah. Is it a decoy wallet? Oh, hell yeah.
I'll take it. I'll end it on that. Thank you.
Oh, my God. And that is the launch of my Casey rocket. Thank you. An absolute force of fucking nature. And meanwhile, you've done it again. Thank you, boys. Happy to be here. Hello. He's also running for mayor. The pleasure's all mine, Tony. Happy to be here in the 21st district of Austin today. Absolutely. Zero laughs. Okay. Sorry about that. It was going good. It was going good before.
Oh, shit. In the moment, Wild, the great Jack the Riffer, some people call him. You have a lot of these nicknames, right? Cal Rifkin Jr., yeah.
Riffy Longstockings, The Boy Who Riffed. Oh, oh, oh.
The Hack Brown Band? No, that's not one of them, actually. Ken Riffy Jr., perhaps? Ken Riffy Jr., yep. Who? Riff Raff? Riff Raff, yeah.
Choosy Moms Choose Riff? Yes!
Yeah, riffs, it's what's for dinner. Yeah, riffing strokes for riffing folks. That's right, yeah. Stuff like that.
What are you talking about, Tony? Yeah.
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Chapter 3: Who are the special guests introduced in this episode?
You said rally yesterday. What kind of rally was it? Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha.
Ha, ha, ha.
Is there a tiki torch? Yeah. He really does look like he sets up the rallies. Yeah. Yeah. You look like the first half of the show, Intervention.
Yeah.
It's not true.
It's not true.
Now, the interesting thing about Casey is that, and I don't want to blow your cover or get too personal, but you're sober, right?
Yeah, I'm sober. I've been sober for years. Maybach music. Thank you.
Damn, dude, that must have been a wild ride when you were.
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Chapter 4: How does the show format work for comedians?
Am I correct? San Antonio. San Antonio. That's right. You were on this show there, correct? No. No.
No, this is my first time.
But I know you from, how did you end up opening for me then?
I opened for you in Cap City when I used to live here. That's right. And you were coming down here. That's right.
And I had you do it a few times after that, right?
Yeah, a couple of times. I think two or three times I featured for you.
Because you're fucking hilarious.
I appreciate it.
Look at you.
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Chapter 5: What humorous observations are made about bodily functions?
You ever had like a stuffy nose and one of your nose is just like, one side of your nose is just like super wet and the other side is just dry shit? That was the other bitch.
But Cam, have you ever laid on your side and let the snot fall into the other one and then it opens back up? How cool is that? What I'm saying is, should've switched rooms, maybe the pussy would've been better in the other room.
It's too bad there's no nose spray for pussies. Open that shit up, you know?
Chapter 6: How do the comedians react to a threesome story?
They needed that shit. I will tell you my favorite part about the threesome is I went outside. I went outside. I was on the phone with my homeboy about some shit. And then I came back in, and one of the girls was eating the other girl's pussy. And I was like, man, life is great, man. So I decided I had two entries I could choose to go through at this point in life. You know what I'm saying?
I could either just shove my dick in her mouth or fuck the other one. And I shoved my dick in her mouth, and I think that was a pretty good decision.
Yeah. Choose your own adventure. Yeah. What a post-game conference.
I could have gone puss, wet mouth. Don't regret it.
Chapter 7: What insights are shared about the challenges of stand-up comedy?
Don't regret it. Great idea. I like that a lot.
Let's also take note that during all of this talk about fucking women and women eating each other out, not once have we heard from the homophobic bass player D-Madness who played it 18 times during all the gay talk earlier. Literally thinks gay things are criminal. Unbelievable.
And you fuck with the slides on. Oh, I got to. Yeah, you got to. Yeah, because you go socks, they're on the carpet. Yeah, you got to have, you know what I'm saying, good traction.
Yes, yes. You definitely have an I'm running to the liquor store outfit on.
Attraction. Yeah.
If you don't like, you feel what I'm saying? Like, not on really carpet, but if you like on like hardwood floors and shit, you be slipping. You be slipping and shit.
So you stay at the edge of the bed and you bring them kind of towards you? Yeah, I like that whole touch they told me. Because slides, it would be hard to keep them on in the missionary position, I do believe. Trust me, I keep them bitches on, dog. You keep them on. You got to grip the hoe with your toes a little bit. Oh, my God. That is incredible. These don't come off at all, bro.
For those of you just listening to the podcast, he got up on his toes like Michael Jackson.
Got to grip the hoe. Look at me. Look. Grip them bitches. Grip it.
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Chapter 8: What birthday surprise is revealed for D Madness?
Yes, I'll buy candy for your uniforms.
Incredible.
It's my AAU team, man. Come on, fuck with me, dog. You feel what I'm saying? We trying to go to Florida and play in the AAU tournament, man. We trying to get there, bro. did that before. Oh, yeah. I was like 19, not playing basketball in like a year. Did that before.
I can see it.
I think I bought those Skittles. Hell yeah. All right, Cam. I mean, you did it again. An absolute unbelievable performance yet again. Just joke, joke, joke, joke, joke. Nobody does it quite like him. Make some noise for Cam Patterson, everybody. Come on, you can do better than that. Make some noise for Cam, everyone. God damn it. Out there daydreaming. Your next bucket poll is from the inside.
He is one of you. Make some noise for Tanner Amiglio. Tanner Amiglio. From the inside, I do... Well, no. Is that him? Tanner, are you here? Here he comes. All right. From the back. How many of you like it when people do good on this show? How many of you like it when people do bad on this show? Oh, there you go. A bunch of ruthless people in this room tonight. Absolute monsters.
Make some noise for Tanner Amiglio, everybody. From the inside, one of your very own. One more time for Tanner Amiglio.
I get confused watching the news a lot. Like, I'll see, like, a protest going on, and you'll see, like, a bunch of fat people, and, like, they're activists. Like, what the fuck you active about? Fatty? Fat fuck? Shh. Hold on. No, dude, like, I like listening to my parents have sex. I don't care what you think, dude. They're my parents, bro. Fuck you. It's fun to think about, you know?
Like, my dad's shorter than my mom. My dad's Asian. It's cool. He just teeter-totters on her. I know he's doing a good job, too. Like, I hear my mom go, oh, yeah.
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