Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.TV and now on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. If you want to check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, go to TonyHinchcliffe.com. everything Golden Pony, including his tour dates, at TonyHinchcliffe.com.
If you want to check out the Sunset Strip or get some Death Squad merch, go to DeathSquad.tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redman coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Daddy. Give it up for Tony Hensclap! Who's ready for literally the best fucking night of their lives tonight, huh? My goodness.
We made it. Make some noise for Brian Red Band, ladies and gentlemen. Fuck yeah. We are here. Kill Tony live at the Mothership, brought to you by Connect Mobile Health. How exciting. You guys pumped to be here tonight? I love it. We have an absolutely ridiculously diabolical show ready for y'all tonight.
Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. Are you guys ready to start tonight's show or what? You know, we've been doing this a very, very long time and I book this show personally myself every single week and I myself cannot believe who tonight's guest is. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the current
truly the real president of the United States of America. This is Joe Biden! You can do better than that. Make some goddamn noise for your president. No, Joe, this way! This is it over here! Joe! Joe! No! Joe, over here! Wow! Unbelievable. This... My fellow Americans, I want to thank you for allowing me to be the first black woman president to run this country.
Quick shout-out to the moderators in the back for keeping this debate going. There's no moderators.
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Chapter 2: How does the show format work for comedians?
Joe, you're on Keltoni. Huh? Has anybody told you where you're at tonight?
Ha, ha, ha.
Ryan Redband. Ryan Redband, everybody. How the hell do you know who Brian Redband is? I follow him on Facebook. Post a lot of butthole pictures. So... Okay, so... Oh, here we go.
How are we? America, we feeling good? How we feeling, America?
Mr. President, Joe Biden, here doing some damage control right now, obviously. Shit is wild out there for you right now, coming off of... Wild, wild times.
We're doing it. We're doing it, though.
We're doing... We do... We... What we did for the COVID, what we did for COVID. That's right. What we did for, we beat, and that's why we do it, and that's why we do it. We beat Medicare! Wow. We took down Medicare. Bus and Megatron and the rest of the G.I.
Joe, get bangerang hooked. Look, I'll tell you something. When I was 10 years old, I used to ride a bike.
We had all sorts of bikes back then. We had wheels. Let me get this liquid death away. You already have enough death around you, Mr. President. We're going to... Yeah, I can't have water after 4 p.m. Oh, hey, hey. All right. How many times are you going to do that tonight? Oh, fuck.
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Chapter 3: What are the highlights of the guest comedian's performance?
No, fuck you. Too late. Too fucking late. It's America.
All right. So I'm going to pre-pull a name. We're going to wrangle them from the bar next door. Here we go. So while we go and grab them, we have someone who's going to get tonight's show started for us. It's one of our esteemed regulars, ladies and gentlemen. This guy has not been on this show in quite a while. He's been out headlining, absolutely killing it all around the road.
He is a superstar. He's a freak of nature, ladies and gentlemen. Make some noise for the great and powerful, the one and only, this is KC Rocket.
I've been waiting all day for Sunday night. All right, cool. Hell yeah. NFL on what? KT. All right, cool. It's funny you bring that up, Tony. A lot of people have been asking me, Titty Boy LaCroix, and I say speaking, and they say, who are you? Really? And I tell them the truth, ladies and gentlemen, in many ways I'm an oil man. I... I buy oil. I sell oil. I drink oil.
I go to the hospital because I drank too much oil. I sneak out of the hospital in the dead of night and the staff starts freaking out because the oil man's loose. Then I sneak back into the hospital dressed as Heath Ledger, dressed as the Joker, double costume. And I burn it to smithereens. Oh, what's this? Yes? More oil? Absolutely. Thank you. I'm Casey Rockett. Have a good night. Wow.
Thank you.
That was wild. Thank you. An unorthodox performance by Casey Rockett. Very, very interesting. A lot of oil. Mr. President, what'd you think about that?
Here's the deal, folks. You look like if somebody fucked a lint trap without a condom.
Thank you. Mr. Biden. I'm a big fan. Huh? That's how I pick the candidate, like the bachelorette. I get morose.
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Chapter 4: What unexpected moments occur during the episode?
What do I do? Whatever you want. You're the president of the United States.
I'll give it to my wife. You know my wife, Jill? Love her, yeah. She's one of the best. Don't you fucking lie to me right now. I love her. No, I love her, man.
You're funny, you're funny. You did the thing, you did what we all did. You get up here, you go for it. You do it, you did it. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Where's your shirt? Good one, Mr. Biden. President Biden.
I liked it. I liked it. It was good. It was good. How old are you? 29. Okay. How old are you? I don't know.
81. 81. I'm moving strong. You want to fight? You want to fight? No.
Titty Boy LaCroix, where does such a name come from?
Where does any name come from, really? My parents, I guess. My parents were the Yin Yang twins, and they're not biological twins. It was a stage name. And they fell in love on the road, Durling Lollapalooza. I was there. Yeah, you opened for Alice in Chains. I did. Yeah. That was cool. I was there as a roadie for Young. So it's cool. It's one of my favorite bands. Wow.
And the oil business. This is a new thing we haven't heard of. Lucrative.
Good money in oil. Sold a lot of it. Drank a lot of it. Why are you drinking the oil? Why does anyone do anything? Because you're an American. Exactly. And you have to. You have to. You got to. It's the best country on planet Earth. Nobody can... Legally, no one can stop you from drinking oil. That is true. And I've taken full advantage of that. What does it taste like? Slick.
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Chapter 5: What are the parallels drawn between dogs and human behavior?
Hear me out, hear me out. And not in every way, not in every way. For instance, if you get a bunch of them together, the dogs won't try killing each other.
You can't count on a black man for emotional support. But in ways that they're alike, you can't understand them when they're trying to talk.
The female ones are bitches. And it really sucks when you have to hit one. It's horrible. What a great shit. Absolutely perfect. How long have you been doing this? It must be 20, 30 years at this point. First time. That was some of the finest stand-up I've ever heard.
Oh, my God. Can you do that whole set again in Spanish? Tony, I think that's the first time that didn't work, bringing the husband up. I thought it was fucking unbelievably hilarious. You know, for a first-timer, he took massive risks.
I mean, I was looking at... Hopefully, hopefully he understood the risk and wasn't being totally honest.
LAUGHTER
This might be the first episode where I literally pass out in the middle of the show. The blood rushing to my head. Welcome to my world.
I should be in bed right now with a melatonin and a book. But I'm staying awake for Kill Tony, baby.
Oh, my God. Giovanni Martinez, you got called up here. You look like a Mexican jelly roll. Jelly taquito or something like that. I've never seen a man make a big belt buckle look small like you do. That is incredible. Giovanni, you have a teardrop tattoo. What is that?
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Chapter 6: How does the episode address the guest's experience in comedy?
I also plead the fifth a lot, and... What a witch hunt. Why are they attacking you? I'm brown. You look like the security guard for the Ninja Turtles. So now you own a tattoo shop. Is there anything you miss about Tacoma? They're coming up through the sewers as well.
Oh, my God.
I'm going to take a nap, Tony. Don't take a nap, Joe. Don't take a nap. Okay, so... The black people not being like monkeys but more like dogs, where were you when this idea came into your head? What is your writing process, Giovanni Martinez? Were you sitting at a desk? Were you driving?
Chapter 7: What insights are shared about the writing process in comedy?
Were you in the shower? Where exactly were you like this? Obviously he was driving. LAUGHTER We're at 24 Hour Fitness. Where were you? Where was it? LA Fitness, yeah. Was it really? Yeah, there's a... They just talk on their phone, on speakerphone in the gym all the time. Is that true? That inspired me to write that, yeah. Okay, we were joking. We didn't know you had more.
Giovanni, would you say that black people are your least favorite race? Not at all, no, no. Okay, it sounds like you have a clear answer to who your least favorite race is. What is the answer to that question if you had to pick one race to be your least favorite? Afghanistan people. Oh, Afghanistan people. That is the great answer of a charity ranger. And you've been to Afghanistan?
Yeah, three times. Three times. And did you ever have to kill any of those people over there?
Chapter 8: What is the significance of the final performances in this episode?
I don't worry about it, dude. Oh, I love it. Okay. Yeah, you don't get done. Let's bring that up right now. Let's bring up some drama. Get this guy real fired up. Maybe he'll freak out. He was just racist. Why not bring up horrific things? Well, President Trump, I must say, you know, no one gives you credit, but you're the one that got us out of Afghanistan.
I wanted out of there, and then what Joe did. What an absolute disgrace this was. Horrible. Horrible disgrace. You can say it, right? So bad. My friends are pissed. Your friends were mad. My friends were mad. Hey, we killed bin Laden. We killed bin Laden. We went back there. We got all the weapons. We got all their Connect 4 boards. Giovanni, you were born in America, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was the first one born here. You're the first one in your family born here. Absolutely. And you vote? I probably will this year. Yeah, I did vote last time. Yeah, I did. And who are you voting for come this November?
I voted for Trump. I'm going to vote for Trump again.
Yeah, there you go. Wow. You're a sucker. That's your right, and I respect it, but you're a sucker. He's a good American guy, President Biden. Relax. And how about you, Brittany Martinez? Are you also voting? Trump giving her the microphone. Most likely. And who are you voting for?
For this beautiful red-headed man right here.
Wow. That would be presidential. Wait, wait. Maybe I can change your mind with a back rub. Oh. Oh.
Oh.
Joe, watch out. This guy will fucking kill you. He's aiming an imaginary gun.
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