Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.tv, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHinchcliffe.com for everything The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out ShopSquad.tv for Death Squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever. ShopSquad.tv.
And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
Hey, this is Redman coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Etchclay!
Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? How exciting. You are here at Kill Tony, everybody. Make some noise for Brian Redman. There he is. How about one more time for the best fucking goddamn motherfucking band in all the land, the Kill Tony Band. Brought to you by ExpressVPN, ZipRecruiter, and PrizePix. That is indeed huevos rancheros.
Carlos Sosa, Fernando Castillo, and Raul Vallejo. Nachos, motherfucking Belgrande. That is Big Mike live in the flesh. That is the real Big Mike. I know what you're thinking. He doesn't look that big. Well, the podcast adds two feet. This is the sweet, sweet Matt Muehling behind us, dressed like a bum next to a barrel fire. This is the great John Dees. The hair is connected to the hat, fun fact.
And that is Dee Madness wearing his finest pajamas this evening. It is incredible. He rolled right out of bed. Right out of bed to be here tonight. We are gonna have so much goddamn fun. I can feel it in the air. Do you guys feel it? This feels like a hot crowd. I see a lot of goddamn Latinos out here hiding from ISIS right now. You cannot get deported at Joe Rogan's Comedy Club. It's impossible.
You're protected. In fact, we're all going to give all the Latinos in the room a little hand stamp to protect you since we're all part of the current administration of the United States of America now. You will be protected as long as the hand stamp doesn't wash off so you can't do any hard work for... All right.
Here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible tonight. You guys ready to start tonight's show, huh?
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Chapter 2: How is the audience engaged during the show?
Well, well, well, you guys are here for another legendary episode of the show. This is an incredible, incredible booking. My mind is blown at the fun that is about to happen. One of the guests is one of the most legendary guests in the history of the show, one of the most utilized guests and who I consider to be a king of New York City visiting.
The other guest is one of the most legendary comedians of all time who's never been on the show before. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you tonight's guest. Wow. Holy shit. Ladies and gentlemen, it is indeed Bill Maher and Big Jay Oakerson.
Big Jay Oakerson.
Oh, my God. How exciting is this? Okay. Calm down. Calm down, people. I know it's exciting to see a big star on your little Circus here. No, I'm kidding. I'm a big fan of this show. You've never been on before, Bill. I've always wanted to book you. You're one of the few big comedians that I've never been able to have on.
I love this show, though. What was your name again?
I'm Tony. I'm Tony. Why is the band so close to me? Tony, you know, I have a little rule to not have my back to black people. I'm kidding.
You're all right.
The one directly behind you is blind, so he doesn't know exactly where you are. I love my Sharia more, by the way. Great song. That's Stevie Wonder. That's D-Madness. Those are two different blind black men, Bill. Oh, I'm sorry. I don't know all my blind people. I guess I'm a big asshole. Welcome, Bill. And Big Jay Oakerson is back.
Well, Bill Maher insists on promoting KyleDunnigan.com, who Kyle famously played RFK Jr. and is one of the great comedians in the world. He's my favorite. I love him. How did you and Kyle Dunnigan become so... I just am a huge fan of his comedy. You can go online and if you Google... Kyle Dunnigan, Bill Maher, you'll see. What a huge fan I am. I love it.
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Chapter 3: What are the comedic introductions of the guests?
Yeah. And having the dick of a five-month-old. Do you ever decorate it since you can do things with your pubes? Do you ever do like haircuts or perhaps like a Big Jay Mohawk type of look or like spiky? You ever put gel in it? I usually just go clean shaven.
I did the Hitler ones as a joke. Ooh. She was not on board, she's Jewish. Ah, indeed. It's like a holocaust down there.
Wow.
If I was Asian, I would put a dragon condom on my wiener. When you unfurl, it looks like one of those dragon costumes that 18 people get in. Yeah. Yeah, for the New Year. Yeah.
Have you ever done anything like that, Hans?
Yeah, of course. Oh, okay, perfect. Maybe some lanterns. I'm just thinking out loud. Yeah.
Yeah, incredible. What, uh, you ever, uh, you ever do, like, the chopsticks thing down there or anything? Like a ponytail type of thing? With my balls, or? Eh, I don't know. What else is going on in life, Hans? I was in Fort Wayne, Indiana, doing a big Summit City comedy club. There was a guy there in a full Confederate flag tracksuit.
Nice. That's custom. Yeah, where do you get that?
I thought it was a new Kanye merch. Either way you slice it, one of your people made it. Either they made it or they dry cleaned it. One or the other. We'll figure it out.
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Chapter 4: How does Bill Maher reflect on his comedy career?
Okay. Hell yeah. This is like Mad Money with Jim Cramer, except a very unprofitable version of the show. Incredible. So, Gabriel, how long have you been doing stand-up? Five years. Five years. How old are you? 41. And how do you make money doing this?
I produce a couple shows in town. Okay. And they do good.
They're weekly shows? Yeah. Okay. Guys, have you ever seen anything quite as adorable as Gabriel Kerr?
Yeah, me.
I think...
I want to hire this guy to go to malls with me and try on clothes so I don't have to be embarrassed first. Do I look good in this? Your set was very funny, but mostly I was thinking, like, I guess I could pull off a white tracksuit. It was fun to find out. We look great, dude. Fuck the haters.
We look great. Look at this. Wow. Over my hoodie? I know two guys that are going to fuck a Pringles can tonight together.
Hey, man, I'll be honest with you. I could be another friend. And honestly, if my dick hits the Pringles, I'll eat the first few.
Whatever comes out of my pre-jizz, I'll eat. Hell yeah. It says plain, but they taste like French onion.
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Chapter 5: What happens when comedians share wild stories?
Yeah. The only way to mess it up is by having it be ineligible. Oh, yeah. Which means I can't read it. Yeah. Which most likely means they're mentally ill. Tony, you're like a magician. You pull, you make... Terrible comedians disappear. It is wild.
They're fortune cookies.
Confucius. Benny, tell us, what have we not talked about? You've been on the show before, just to catch Bill Maher and Big Jay Oakerson up. And you famously, at one point in your life, were friends with Richard Ramirez, the Night Stalker. You call him Richie.
Yeah, well, that was his name, so... Hence the Richie. That's true, by the way.
That's real.
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Chapter 6: What was the story about stealing a TV?
He used to kick it with Richie.
Well, I wasn't friends with him. We just had the same heroin dealer. It's not like I hung around with him and ate cereal with him.
Right.
That would be weird, eating cereal with a serial killer.
That's what buddies do.
Past the Froot Loops, Richie.
If you had cereal money and milk money... You were getting heroin.
Yeah. You guys were heroin buddies.
Yeah.
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Chapter 7: How did a heart attack change the comedian's life?
You didn't share needles with anybody. AIDS was rampant. Did you ever... He used to be a felon.
Did you ever go and attack people and murder with him?
No, I never saw him actually out of that room, my dope dealer's room. He lived across the hoe, had a pentagram on his... floor. Usually a heroine screws with their brain, but you got away scot-free. Oh, yeah, I did.
There was a pentagram on the floor, too. It was like, yeah, that was kind of weird, I guess.
It was a bloodletting, but... Benny Boy, tell us something about your life that you've never told us before. You have always been a great interviewee.
Well, I got another story for you. Here we go. Okay. You want to hear about the time I stole a guy's TV? While he got up to make a sandwich during a commercial.
He stole his TV when he... Yes, can we get proper lighting for this keynote? He's a great storyteller.
It was a long time ago. I don't do that shit anymore. Unless I need a TV, that is. Yeah, it was in San Luis Obispo. I better not say the name. The guy might still be alive, and who knows?
He ain't coming for his TV.
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Chapter 8: What humorous insights does the comedian share about his experiences?
Tell the story, Benny.
Okay, so I just moved into this guest house behind my art teacher's house. This is back in the 70s. And I moved in. I had all my furniture in there. Sat down on my sofa and I realized, shit, Johnny Carson's going to be on tonight in about a half hour. And Richard Pryor was on that night. I remember distinctly. Who happened to be one of my favorite comedians. And I said, I don't have a fucking TV.
It's 11 o'clock. The news is on. 30 minutes, Carson's on. I don't want to miss the monologue. I'm going, where the fuck am I going to get a TV at 11 o'clock at night? I said, I better get in my pickup truck and go peruse the neighborhood. So I did.
driving down the street not too far from my house and I see a big picture window and in the picture window is this beautiful color TV back then they weren't all color this one was so I kind of said oh shit there's a TV right there I pulled my truck down a few houses down a ways because I assumed I'm going to be running out of this house with a TV and
and I didn't want them to get my license plate. I didn't have time to steal a car. Plus, I hadn't done that in a few years, and I was a little rusty. So I packed my truck, and I did my best cat burglar routine. Crawled up to this guy's picture window, looked inside, and there's this dude sitting on the couch watching the news. I'm like, oh shit, someone's home.
I wasn't used to going in houses when someone was home. I usually waited till they left. But right next to the TV was a screen door. It was summertime, so the door was open, but the screen was closed. And I'm saying to myself, the TV is right there, right next to the door. If I go around the back, I could just grab that TV and leave. But the fucking guy's there.
Next thing I know, the guy gets up. He goes up these stairs and he's in his kitchen. He opens the refrigerator and he starts pulling out mustard and ham and cheese. I'm like, this fucking guy's making a sandwich. It's going to take him a few minutes to make that sandwich. Right? You can't make... It'd only take me a few minutes to get that TV. So he's making his sandwich. His back was to me.
I could see him up there. The TV's there. The door's there. Then he goes in the back somewhere, I assume to the bathroom or something, which is even better. It's like, oh man, I gotta do this. So I run around the back of the house, I open the screen door, very gingerly like, and I push that little thing, you know, to keep the pump, the door from shutting there. What do you call that?
Bill, would you happen to know? Door stop. Door stop, who said that?
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