#750 - LANCE ARMSTRONG + TIM BUTTERLY + MATT MCCUSKER

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KILL TONY 1h 56m 10 speakers 8 chapters transcribed 3 months ago
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Red Band 0:00
Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.tv, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHinchcliffe.com for everything The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out ShopSquad.tv for Death Squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever. ShopSquad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
Lance Armstrong 0:40
Hey, this is Redman, coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Hatchclap! Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh?
Tim Butterly 1:07
Yippee!
Lance Armstrong 1:13
And in all the land, ladies and gentlemen, make some fucking noise. You are here at Kill Tony, brought to you by Price Fix and Shopify. Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Michael Gonzalez, Nachos Belgrande, Matt Muehling on the electric. Playing a signature guitar, JohnPageGuitars.com. The great John Dees on the keys, ladies and gentlemen, with a brand new drop on Spotify called Oxygen. And this is indeed the one and only Dee Madness, live in the flesh. We are here with an absolute hootenanny of a show for you. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. We live in Austin, Texas, but we are jumping in a tour bus, ladies and gentlemen, and we are taking the actual Kill Tony show to Houston, Texas, February 28th and Dallas, March 28th.
Lance Armstrong 2:02
Go to TonyHinchcliffe.com for tickets right now. Come see an actual Kill Tony show in the great state of Texas. One in Houston, February 28th. One in Grand Prairie, March 28th. TonyHinchcliffe.com. Get tickets now.
Lance Armstrong 2:23
You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? Wow. You know... When I book these things, I'm trying to be strategic. Sometimes this, sometimes that, sometimes it's just the best comedians in the world, sometimes there's a rapper, sometimes there's this or that. Tonight, we have two of the best comedians in the world and one of the greatest athletes of all time. Ladies and gentlemen, three residents of Austin, Texas, I present to you Lance Armstrong, Matt McCusker, and Tim Butterly.
Lance Armstrong 3:10
Holy shit. That's a fucking panel if I've ever seen one before. Matt McCusker here has a brand new special on Netflix, Humble Offerings. Tim Butterly has a show with Matt McCusker called The Algonauts, the fourth Tuesday of every month at the Creek in the Cave. And how about a hand for fucking Lance Armstrong joining the chaos tonight? an amazing human being, and I can say one of my golf buddies here in Austin. That's how crazy life is. Exactly, it's amazing. Who knew? We're gonna have a lot of fun. Over 200 innocent souls signed up for the opportunity to be pulled out of this bucket and get a minute on stage. It could change their life. They could absolutely automatically go from living in their car or whatever's going on, having six roommates that fart a lot, to being rich and wildly successful.
Lance Armstrong 4:04
You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. I'm going to pull a name out of this bucket. I'm not going to let this fucking pale meth head in the front row do it. I'm going to do it myself. Oh, you got braces, dude? Holy shit. How old are you? 37, finally getting it together. Look at you. Holy shit. You really are from Ohio. That's amazing. No better time than now, dude. Braces. Do they give you a discount when you get them when you're almost 40? Since most of your life is over? Braces. The teeth. Finally fixing the teeth. What are you going to do about the fact that your eyes are almost touching? They don't make braces for faces, do they?
Lance Armstrong 4:52
We're going to have fun. We're going to have fun. This episode brought to you by braces. Beat his ass, dude. Punch him in the face. I could give him two black eyes with one punch. That's right in the middle. His eyes are right next to each other. This episode is brought to you by PrizePix and Shopify. While we go wrangle the first bucket full of the night, we have an unbelievable golden ticket winner here for you.

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