Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.tv, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHinchcliffe.com for everything The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out ShopSquad.tv for Death Squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever. ShopSquad.tv.
And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
Hey, this is Redneck coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for Tony! Let's go! Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh?
How about one more time for the best damn band in all the land? That's the Phil Tony Band. Raul Vallejo, Fernando Castillo, Carlos Sosa, Michael Gonzalez, Nachos Belgrande, Huevos Rancheros, the great Matt Muehling on the electric guitar, John Dees on the keys, and this is D Madness live in the flesh.
We are back here at the Comedy Mothership yet again for another episode of the number one live podcast in the world, brought to you by Bluetooth, Shopify, Talkspace, and Takovas. We have a great episode lined up for you guys. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.
We live in Austin, Texas, but we are jumping in a tour bus, ladies and gentlemen, and we are taking the actual Kill Tony show to Houston, Texas, February 28th and Dallas, March 28th. Go to TonyHinchcliffe.com for tickets right now. Come see an actual Kill Tony show in the great state of Texas. One in Houston, February 28th. One in Grand Prairie, March 28th. TonyHinchcliffe.com. Get tickets now.
You guys ready to start this fucking show?
Yeah.
I mean, what can I say? Every single week, I book this mamma-jamma, and I don't think it gets much better than this. One of the guests I've wanted on this show for its 13-year existence. He is all-time one of my favorite comedians since I was a kid and to this day. The other guest is one of our best guests in the history of the show.
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Chapter 2: How does Tony introduce the guests?
You're here alone? I mean, yeah, that's exactly why I'm here. You think I flew 13 hours all the way across the world so I can see them again? I'm here to get away from them. Hello, America. Thank you.
Yeah, Chao Yung. All right, Red Band. Very good. Red Band has an affinity for tiny Asian women.
Dude, in the green room, I thought she was your wife the whole time.
Yeah. I'm so sorry I didn't say hello. I'm Sam Town. Hey, you did an excellent job.
Thank you.
Fun times. Welcome, welcome. Incredible first set at the Mothership. We learned a lot about you. How did you end up here? Did you really come at age 20?
Yeah, I came here for school at age 20.
That's not surprising. What did you study?
I studied music. Yeah, I love music.
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Chapter 3: What are Sam Tallent's current projects?
Yeah, can you sing a Chinese song? That's what we want to hear. Wait, wait, wait. Can they do, like, the bing, bong, bong, dong?
Okay.
You know what I mean, right? We got it.
He's got the Chinese kit right here. Turtle shells? No, it's slower. It's slower. That's what it sounds like when you eat a bat. Can you do acapella?
Yeah, I guess I can.
Okay, here she is. She's like literally anything but what you're playing.
It's a very classic song. It's the moon shows my love to you.
Okay. Classic. It's a real panty dropper, fellas. Do you want me to sing or not?
You're in the second red band here.
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Chapter 4: How does the show interact with the audience?
Put that in the act. You can... I'll add that, thank you. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I can't use it, thank God.
That's how we got out of paying child support, I think. Okay, now we're cooking. Yeah. Yeah. How many brothers and sisters do you have? I have two sisters and a brother. All from the same dad? No, they got their own dad. Oh. Was their dad present in their lives? Their dad is alive, deadbeat to them, but still alive, yes. Did their dad wear a mask?
No.
I don't think we know him.
I don't know. Wow. Your mom's a real whore, huh? Says bad taste in people overall, huh? She's alive and she's watching right now. Thank you. Mommy! Mama Cochina. Please subscribe. Mama Cochina. Okay, Tina. Is that your mom's OnlyFans? What do you do for work, Tina?
I'm an educator. I work in education.
What exactly does that mean? An educator? Are you a teacher? Yes. Okay. You call it an educator? Is that to make it sound smarter or something? No, I don't know. I'm very... Who are you educating, exactly? I work for a beauty school. I teach cosmetology. Oh. Wow. A bunch of whores. Boy, oh, boy. Every time I ask a question, it gets worse and worse, everybody. I'm an educator.
I'm a cosmetology teacher. I killed my own father. I visited him at the hospital, and I put the pillow over his face and suffocated him. That happened.
Wow. Well, that explains the confident lipstick choice. I like this.
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Chapter 5: What humorous experiences does the speaker share about flying?
It was Tony's plane. I was going to open up for Tony, and I can tell y'all this, fuck little planes, all right? Fuck Little Blake. We not supposed to see the captain. All right? That's what I... We not supposed to see the captain the whole time. I'm supposed to be in 30F, nigga. I'm not supposed... There's supposed to be room in between.
I'm not supposed to hear what they hear or see what they see. Lie to me over the intercom, all right? I turned around and I looked and I saw the map that they saw with the plane going and the map was red and we can agree that red mean bad. Red mean bad, and I know red mean bad because the pilot came and he leaned over to us. He was like, hey guys, we're going to get into some turbulent weather.
It's going to be really increment, which if people say that, we going to die.
Chapter 6: How does the discussion shift to personal stories and experiences?
You know what I'm saying? When you start using big words, somebody about to die. And he was like, make sure you guys are buckled up as if I ever took off my seatbelt. And he was like, y'all, we're going to be fine. But the whole time he was talking, I didn't say nothing because I was scared and I was crying. But... I really wanted to say, nigga, get back up there. Why are you back here?
This plane take two people. I turn around the pilot doing this with both steering wheel. Thank y'all so much.
Wow. Wow. That's the difference between bucket pools, golden ticket winners, and Kill Tony regulars. That was great.
Chapter 7: What insights are provided about relationships and breakups?
Absolutely incredible.
You keep that pace the whole time when you do like an hour? Are you just banging like that? Absolutely. Damn, dude, that's great. That's really funny. You look like both members of Run the Jewels combined. Yeah.
Just that flash, shit.
I don't know if that's mean, but I love you. I love you, man. That was great, dude. I wasn't sure where he was going.
I was a little worried for a second. And all of a sudden, you're like, I was on the ride with you, brother.
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Chapter 8: How does the conversation address the topic of unexpected events during the holidays?
I'm with you.
I'm with you.
I was the horse.
Not supposed to see the captain. Just absolutely hilarious. It is strange. You don't really get used to it. No, that's not what you told me when I was crying.
This nigga Tony is a liar. This nigga Tony is a liar. He gonna look me dead in my face as I'm panicking. And he was like, Dedrick, this happens every flight. There is always turbulence. You'll get used to it. It's a jet, right? He's telling me that, but Ari Matty is sitting behind that nigga, eyes like this, gripping his... He with him all the time.
It don't happen every time. He's scared, too. It's not just me. And Ari's seen some shit. Yeah, yeah. We was gonna... Because Hasan Ahmad was on the plane. Oh, no.
Right?
He gonna tell me, he's like, you're panicking for no reason. I said, nah, nigga, you're not panicking enough because this plane go down. We're blaming you. All right, we're playing. The people be like a son of mine. I hate planes.
It's a little tricky. It's a little tricky. You can feel the turbulence on a smaller plane a little bit better than a big one.
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