Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.TV and now on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. If you want to check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, go to TonyHinchcliffe.com. everything Golden Pony, including his tour dates, at TonyHinchcliffe.com.
If you want to check out the Sunset Strip or get some Death Squad merch, go to DeathSquad.tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redman coming to you live from Madison Square Garden for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony! Who's ready for the best fucking two nights of their lives? Fuck yes, Madison Square Garden! Oh, shit.
This is Bryan Redman, ladies and gentlemen. We started this show in front of 15 human beings with four sign-ups in the belly room of the Comedy Store, and now we are here live from Madison Square Garden. Unbelievable. How about one more time for Jelly Roll, ladies and gentlemen?
And let's keep it going, the best damn band in the land, Grooveline Horns, Raul Vallejo, Fernando Castillo, Carlos Sosa, the return of jet ski Jesse Johnson, Nicholas Rothaus on percussion, and our drummer, the great Michael Gonzalez. Joining the band tonight, one of the top young rising musicians in the world, Marcus King. Our guitarist, Matt Muehling. The band leader, John Dees.
And his first time ever in New York City, ladies and gentlemen, that's Dee Madness. You're facing the wrong way, Dee, for the love of God, you gotta be kidding me. I don't know if they plan these things, but sometimes the comedy just flies. Facing John Dee, soaking it all in. We have a lot of amazing show for you. This is a very special night.
And before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. Ladies and gentlemen. This is Madison Square Garden. This is a show based in Austin, Texas. So while I have a lot of great New Yorkers scattered throughout the show, my two guests live with us in Austin, Texas.
Ladies and gentlemen, introducing first, make some noise for one of the best comedians in the world. This is Shane Gillis! Shane is back. And why don't we keep that energy going for the great and powerful Joe Rogan. Let's fucking go! Madison Square Garden is on its motherfucking feet. Whoo! The place is a ruckus.
This is so insane. I think I was on episode seven. What episode was I on? What was the first one I did?
It was a long time ago. There was no one there. It was in the little room at the Ice House. Yeah. Yes! It was in the tiny room of the Ice House. Oh, my God. There's 20 people in that crowd. It's unbelievable. Now here we are. It's so much fun. So exciting. Joe's new special just came out on Netflix on Saturday night. Shane Gillis, been working in the writer's room for Tires season two.
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Chapter 2: How did the show grow from a small venue to Madison Square Garden?
And I see they took your phones. You rolled Jones in. You can't get enough of your phone all fucking day looking down. I got a text earlier today from my friend Joe. He goes, what are you doing? So I say, I'm going to Subway. for a turkey sandwich. All of a sudden, I get another text. Joe liked you getting a turkey sandwich. What the fuck would I care what he likes?
I mean, what kind of world if we turned into Facebook? Everybody wants to be connected, why? Because Zuckerberg said, who's living on his own private fucking island, and you're all connected. Let me tell you something, we hate each other. We don't want to be together. I got a DM, cause you can't even get rid of anybody today. I get a DM from a girl I went with when I was 17.
She be like, I heard you doing really good. So I wrote back, I heard you was dead. I hoped you were dead cause you were no good fucking whore. Yeah, we don't want to be connected. You know how it feels when you get in the elevator, right? And there's nobody there. Greatest feeling in the world. And then here comes somebody running down the hall. Can you hold that? We all do the same thing, right?
Yeah, and you're hitting the close button. Yeah, come on in. Yeah, go ahead. And then right before the door closes, we all do the same thing. And you grab the door, fuck you, who the fuck are you to me? Living on the same floor for eight years, never said hello. This is a great fucking, how you doing, honey? Remind me to pinch your tits after the show.
Yeah, you could DM me any fucking time you want with those big fucking pig tits. Very nice. See, that's why I don't understand why there was ever a Me Too. You know what I mean? Chicks are crazier today than they ever were your whole fucking life. Think about it. You know, like today, women hardly even wear makeup. You know, all their jewelry is down here in the pink lip lagoon.
that when they take their jeans off, you could go blind from diamonds, rubies, they got a string of pearls hanging out of their asshole three blocks long. You could go down on a chick during this recession and come up a wealthy fucking guy. Look, I've been around for a while.
40 years ago, 40 years ago, when you told the chick to get on top, here would come a slow moving fucking leg, nearly breaking your hip with her kneecap. And then she would just lay there like she's waiting for a fucking bus. Today, today, when a chick gets on top, she knows. They stand over you. They look down at you with disgust and disdain. And they don't just sit on your cock.
They squat down like a dog taking a dump in the fucking park. With those big fucking horse tits banging in your face and that big fat ass banging your balls till they're black and blue. I mean, how do you think Tempur-Pedic became the number one bed in the world? And then you take a picture of your balls, right? And you just put it on the internet and you become a superstar.
Like this, like the Hawk Tuohy girl. You got to spit on that thang. And then, you know where I take it? I take it that she comes home, you know, to her parents who remember her reveal party with the little pink smoker. Oh, it's gonna be a little girl. And there she is five years old with her little pink dress and 10 years old in the jumper and sweet fucking 16.
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Chapter 3: What unique elements are introduced in the Kill Tony show format?
Maybe. Maybe he doesn't like it, but he's willing to do it for money. Does that make you feel better about her breaking up with you?
I mean, once I found out he was a Noah Kahan fan, it made me feel better. Most interesting thing that's ever happened to you in your entire life, Corey? I mean, aside from this, I went to Niagara Falls, did some shows in Canada, which was really fun because I've never really been to Canada other than when I was like 13, so...
performing at Niagara Falls is the most exciting thing that's ever happened to you in your life? I don't live an exciting life, man. We grew up skateboarding. This shit ain't fucking that exciting. Yes, you are correct. You do not have an exciting life. I can confirm that.
Chapter 4: How do comedians interact with the audience during the show?
But I'll tell you what, you were the first bucket pool tonight. You have special bonsai handmade leather joke books with a Statue of Liberty with a skull on them, and you got one, buddy. Thanks so much, guys. Good job, dude. Thank you. Thank you, guys. Make some noise for your first bucket pool of the night, Corey Albert. And the show has completely begun. We are in full effect.
And now, well, coming off of talking about Niagara Falls in Canada, I'm going to bring up a golden ticket winner, ladies and gentlemen, who is from Toronto, Canada. You're about to witness the most monumental moment of his life. We haven't seen him in a while. He's been very excited about this. This is a brand new minute from Jared Nathan. Here he comes.
And here we go. If you can't tell by looking at my face, I'm a huge wrestling fan!
Finally, Jared Nevins and Madison Square Garden, yapping some noise!
I was on the subway last night.
I heard the announcement.
If you see something, say something.
Every time I say something, it'll be too late.
Ron bitch!
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Chapter 5: What does being born near Chernobyl reveal about your background?
It's a heart that's broken with a Band-Aid on it. With a red band on it? No, with a Band-Aid. With a Band-Aid on it. Okay. Wow. That's some real Brooklyn tough guy shit right there.
Yeah.
Jesus fucking Christ almighty. You said three years you've been doing this? Yeah. All of it in Brooklyn? And yeah, all over the city, around New York. That set you just did, is that some of your better stuff or is that like newer stuff or? It's a mix.
Chapter 6: How does the conversation shift to personal experiences in comedy?
Yeah. It's a mix. Uh-huh. It's a mix. It's a mix. You have a trademark, that's for sure. It's unbelievably annoying, but it's yours. There's a reason why no one else does it. I love it. What else, man? What else about your life before I get you out of here? That's pretty much it. I do comedy. There must be something about your entire life.
You're here at Madison Square Garden streaming around the entire globe right now.
Chapter 7: What impact does performing at Madison Square Garden have on comedians?
You have nothing interesting to say? I was born near Chernobyl. That's a... Oh! It's all starting to make sense. It's all starting to make sense. Oh my goodness. What kind of situation were you in where you were born near Chernobyl? Just living in Soviet Russia. That's the situation. That's the situation.
You know Chernobyl was in Ukraine, right?
Yeah, well at that time it was all the Soviet Union.
Were you close? How close were you?
About 150 miles. Oh yeah, that's totally within the range. That's why you nuclear bombed up here tonight. But... That's what the show's all about.
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Chapter 8: How do the comedians interact with the audience during the show?
That's real? That's real? That's, yeah. How old were you when that was going down? Five. Oh, shit.
Developmental period.
I'll be honest, I was like, yeah, I'm from Three Mile Island, so I'm the, you know, I get it. Nothing wrong with that.
Damn, dude. I thought it was funny, whatever. What are the odds a guy from Chernobyl and Three Mile Island gets dumped?
Did you know anybody that got fucked up? No. It was kind of far from the fallout or whatever it is.
Uh-huh. Not far enough. Yep. Far from the fallout. I never noticed any side effects. Side effects. I don't know anybody that was fucked up, fucked up. My friend, take this little joke book. It's all yours. Oh, there you go. Side effect of nuclear fallout, not being able to catch joke books. There he goes, Oleg Cutler. All different shapes and sizes of people.
Let's go back to the Legends bucket, shall we? Huh? Well, this is a goddamn pleasure and a fucking honor because, ladies and gentlemen, this guy started, I can say with no ego, this guy started the Austin fucking comedy boom. Ladies and gentlemen, one of the all-time greats, I present to you the one, the only, Ron White! Oh, shit. I literally didn't know they were going to do this.
I was standing over there watching the show like everybody else. And they were like, I guess I can do this. We go to see Kill Tony a lot in Austin. And a couple of weeks ago, we went down to Mitzi's, which is the bar downstairs. And I was talking to a guy that I didn't know. And I knew he was connected with our group somehow, but I didn't know how.
And later I was talking to a guy that I did know, and he told me the guy I was talking to earlier was gay, and I didn't care if he was gay or not. I just couldn't believe he was gay. He just didn't seem gay at all to me. Whatever the fuck that means. I guess I don't have gaydar or whatever. I have paydar, so if you're selling pussy, bing! 100% accuracy, 100% of the time.
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