Relaxed Fit: The 5th Annual Last Podcast On the Left March Madness of Murder
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What is discussed at the start of this section?
There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left.
That's when the cannibalism started.
What was that? I met John Tesh several days ago. How long are you going to dine out on this shit? Truly one of the peaks of my time.
And without telling us, still not telling us where you met John Tesh. You just said a mall-like place?
I can't have people find me where I frequent. You know how I frequent places and I can't be mobbed where I go. Or mogged. I don't want to be place-mogged.
Yeah, a place mug, yeah.
I'll tell you where you can find me. Jersey Mike's. Yeah, buddy. That's where I am. If you know I'm in town and there's a Jersey Mike's close by, you know I'm getting that fucking meat slice. But when I heard John Tesh's colostomy bag a-jingling jangling, I knew, oh, wait a second, what month is it? Oh, shit. It's time for March Madness. Welcome to the last podcast on the left.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is the fifth and last podcast on the left. March Madness of murder and mayhem. My name is Marcus Parks. I'm here with my main man, Henry Zebrowski. My name is John Tesh.
People used to respect me, but now I'm a figure of humiliation.
And we have the man on color commentary, Ed Larson, across the table.
How you doing, Ed? Shakalaka can't buy a bucket because I've invested poorly. Yeah, that's right.
You don't have any liquid. He's not liquid right now. He put a lot of money into grocery stores.
Yeah, I did actually. Shout out to Sprouts. Every time you shop at Sprouts, know I'm getting money. Also, is anybody looking to buy some barrels of crude? Because I do have three or four of them. It's really been difficult getting rid of them. Yeah, man. All I know is them hormones are straight.
We're here at the fifth annual Last Podcast on the left, March Madness of Murder and Mayhem, and we're doing it a little different this year, just a little bit.
We've got to mix it up, and so we've added rotating biomes. Yes, and not just that, another aspect is different this year.
Groups. That's right. We're doing teams this time. Yeah, the rotating biomes, we usually hold this in Madison Square Garden. This year, it is held in a rotating biome. So when each seed is chosen, after we find each matchup, we're going to be rolling an eight-sided die for each individual biome. And then at the end of each match, there will be a coin toss to see which biome the next group will fight in.
Nice. And I brought a 20-sided die, and I'll be rolling it for nothing. Yeah, and honestly, just getting him used to dice. Because he's been scared of dice ever since his father's crippling gambling problem, and so he has been afraid of dice. And the thing is, we've got to get through the dice problem, which is why you are, I would say, hesitant about RPGs. Because this is about you afraid of dice. I swallowed two this morning. I think I'm feeling great. Oh, the CBD ones I sent you? Yeah.
But we are going to do it as we usually do it, by picking names out of the hat. So do we want to go first and choose the entire Eastern bracket? I think so. All right. So let's see the first lineup in the Eastern bracket.
God, Mr. Tess, you got short and fast.
Someone please kill me.
No one will let me die. Every time I'm recognized, I live another three weeks.
So our first competitor will be the Montauk Time Boys, led by former President Barack Obama, who, of course, as we know, was a Montauk Time Boy himself, who traveled back and forth to Mars as a teenager prior to converting from...
You know, that was when he was first looking at it. What is Kenya's religion? I forgot what Kenya's religion is. Yeah, I don't remember, but we know Barack Obama was a 14-year-old chrono, I would say it's chrononaut. Chrononaut, yeah. And so we know that he's a part of there, and we know that what he loves is he loves drones, he loves cigarettes, and he loves basketball in his backyard. Anti.
Love time. So it's going to be the Montauk boys versus let's get this hat just a little bit. It is.
A handful of chuds. Oh, man, that's going to be a hell of a fight because the chuds are just on the Long Island Railroad down the street.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is discussed at the start of this section?
0:01–7:32
2
What are the new elements introduced in this year's March Madness of Murder?
7:32–9:02
3
How do the competitors and their biomes impact the matchups?
9:02–11:07
4
What are the results of the first round in the Eastern Conference?
11:07–44:33
5
What happens when the Epstein crew faces off against Mecca Michael Jackson?
44:33–45:07
6
How do the Murdoch family and Frankenstein's monsters compare in battle?
45:07–46:27
7
What strategies do the chimney sweeps employ against the Waymos?
46:27–48:19
8
What is the final outcome of the March Madness competition?
48:19–1:25:34