Inside Family Wounds with Marriage and Family Therapist Vienna Pharaon
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The following podcast is a Dear Media production. This is Let's Be Honest with Kristen Cavallari, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality TV, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. Welcome, guys. I am so excited for today's conversation. We are being joined by Vienna Farron. She's a licensed marriage family therapist, and she's actually one of New York City's most sought-after relationship therapists. She's practiced therapy for over 15 years, and she's the founder and owner of the group practice Mindful Marriage and Family Therapy. She received her Master of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy from Northwestern University and trained extensively at the Family Institute Betty D. Harris Center.
Her book, The Origins of You, is a national bestseller. Deanna, welcome. Thank you so much for being here. I'm so excited to talk to you today. Yeah, thanks for having me. I'm excited to see where our conversation goes. I know. Well, okay, so I want to talk a lot about our childhoods and how they shape us into the adults that we are today and how the trauma that we experienced as kids It really affects all of our relationships. And then I also want to talk about what we can be doing as parents to break patterns and make sure that we're not projecting our own pain onto our kids. So that's kind of the direction that we're going to go today. All right. Okay. So you offer a quiz that people can take to identify their primary origin wound.
And so, which I took by the way, and I loved it. But first I want you to explain what an origin wound is and why it's important for us to be aware of what our wounds are. Totally. Yeah. So like you said, my work is all around understanding the family systems that we grew up in. Of course, wounding and pain can come from other places, friendship, relationships with teachers and coaches, and obviously our relationship with society and religion, etc., But I like to at least start with looking at our family of origin. That system is the system that shapes so much of who we are and how we relate to ourselves and others and the world at large. It's the place where the blueprint and the foundation for how we communicate and how we navigate conflict and hard moments and what love is and what intimacy is and what boundaries are and what worthiness feels like in our bodies and all of that jazz.
And so when we start to look at, you know, for me, there were two family systems because my parents went through a divorce. And so I learned how to be in one household and I learned how to be in a different household because there were different rules and different expectations and different relationships there. So sometimes we are looking at one and sometimes we're looking at multiple. But those first relationships, right, they set the blueprint for us. And some of us have terrible, awful, horrible stories. And others of us, maybe not so terrible, but we still have relationships with imperfect people, people who will let us down and say the wrong things and disappoint us. And so I like to sort of name from the beginning how important it is to not check yourself out of this conversation if you feel like you had a decent childhood.
Not check yourself out of this conversation if you know someone who quote unquote had it worse. Not check yourself out of this conversation if you're like, I don't have terrible trauma, so this isn't for me. I talk about wounds because I think it's part of the human experience that at some point we're going to come up face to face with our relationship with worth, with belonging, with prioritization, safety, and trust. And when I talk about origin wounds, I'm talking about our first experience that puts one of those things into question. sometimes we have an origin wound that we're not going to find in four or five, six years old. We might have an origin wound that originated when we're 13 or 18 or, I don't know, two months ago.
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