Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
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What are the hosts' experiences with bidets?
What, the bidet? I haven't tried one yet, but I have. You haven't tried it yet? I haven't tried one yet, but I have. I can't use... Rogan's studio has them. They have the heated toilet seats and shit. Yeah, the ones I got have that. But I've never used it and I'm still nervous because the place I got, I can't use wipes. You can't put them in the septic tank. So like, I got bidets, but... Still nervous. Why? Everyone says it's great.
It's the best. You never used one?
I haven't moved in yet. Never used one ever now. Damn, that's crazy. But also the places they tell me they have. They had Gas Digital at them. I know. That was the first place I ever used them. When people say that, that's always the funniest thing to me. They go, dude, they have it at Gas Digital. You haven't used it at Gas Digital? No, I've never shit right next to the studio at Gas Digital.
I've shit in there like 10 times. Well, it was always because you do Real Ass Podcasts. It's at 11 a.m. Sure.
For me, that's early.
I have to wake up at like 9. Mm-hmm. And I was always late. So you got to get that morning dump when you get to the studio. And then bidet. And then you go, I've never tried this. It's this button. It's close. You had the mothership. God damn it. And was it awesome? You can't believe the accuracy. So why don't you? I thought it was going to hit me.
It does start every time, no matter what. I go, ooh. When it first gets me, I jump a little and go, ooh.
It's a nice treat. Bobby Kelly described it. He goes, you're waiting for which I understand what he's saying. You're lining it up with the remote control until you hear like to go from like when your asshole starts accepting it. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty nice. Listen, I'm excited to try it. I just I don't I still don't fully get it. It's just water.
How do comedians come up with their material?
I see the concept, but how could it be strong enough that you're really getting that clean? Oh, it's hitting you, bro. It's strong, bro. Dude, if you moved, it would go like seven feet in the air. Really? Yeah, I think it fucking launches in your ass.
I would say about official gauge, about a super circa 50. Yeah.
25, 25, 25, 25.
My bad. I'd say 25, 50.
Come on, man.
Are you trying to catch a lawsuit? Yeah, 25, 50 is crazy. Yeah, I'd say the yellow, the yellow and green one. Yeah, true. The basic one.
Yeah, Toys R Us basic. But no, it hits you, man. I would advise you to start cold. Warm's kind of indulgent. Warm's borderline sexual.
Warm's sexual.
Warm water hitting you is like you might as well fap. It's kind of sexual. So start cold. Matt, you couldn't be closer to the truth.
It's real sexual.
i don't know if i would choose cold water to go up there if there's a hot a warm water option you're gonna want warm bro you're gonna end up everyone ends up warm anyone goes warm i don't know why that's making me cry it's very funny i think on the yeah i'm still a wipes guy on the road i just can't believe that most of the time just paper for you just raw dog yeah I did that for a very long time until enough people were just like, what are you doing? Why are you just smearing peanut butter around your ass? They tell you it'll fuck your shit up. But only if you have, well, here's a couple things going on. There was no signs here when you moved in? No. That said don't put wipes in the toilet? Fire away, dude.
Also, I run through those things. And then just don't go back to the store.
wow so i'll get i get like once a month old and then lamar had a pack in the back he was plowing through is your lady not a good uh house organizer in a sense like one thing not one bit one thing about christine i gotta give her always is you just go running low on wipes and then like an amazon thing of 20 packs of wipes show up awesome
Yeah, we have the that can work against me, though, because I'm like, yeah, we need to get garlic powder. Did you add it to the grocery list? And I'm like, shut the fuck up. You do the fucking grocery list. I mean, it is a great system.
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Chapters
7 chapters
1
What are the hosts' experiences with bidets?
0:04–1:39
2
How do comedians come up with their material?
1:39–11:06
3
What was Big Jay Oakerson's experience as a driver for strippers?
11:06–18:01
4
How did Big Jay Oakerson end up dressed as Elmo?
18:01–33:11
5
What unexpected encounters occur at bachelor parties?
33:11–49:22
6
How did BetterHelp sponsorship get integrated into the podcast?
49:22–1:13:09
7
What are the challenges of dealing with plumbing issues during a podcast?
1:13:09–1:32:13