Files, L.A. Rain, Hurling | Monday Morning Podcast 2-16-26
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What does Bill Burr share about his morning routine?
Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, February 16th, 2026. What's going on?
How are ya? How's it going? Aw, geez, there.
How's it going for you in your world? It's a rainy day. It never rains in California. I was just out to breakfast. You wouldn't believe this. I went out to breakfast, don't you see? And I got myself a cup of coffee. All right? I actually walked by. There was a table of firefighters sitting there. And it was raining out, and I so wanted to be the Geico dad. Not a lot of work for you guys today, huh? Some firefighter's going to run in.
Actually, with the amount of accidents and power lines. I know, I know. You never get a day off. And everybody thanks you.
Everybody always thanking the fucking first responders. What about the brain surgeons? One slip of the knife.
Right? One little fuck up.
Sitting on fucking $400,000 of school loans. You got that running through your head? You're fucking rooting around the fucking hypothalamus. How come nobody ever thanks brain surgeons? I just want to thank my podiatrist. Let's just take a second here to thank all the podiatrists out there. Why don't we just take time out? to salute the real heroes. The proctologist is out there, okay? Now, this isn't something people like to talk about, but, you know, you can have a lot of problems in your ass, and God damn it, somebody has to go in there and look around. It's a thankless job. You went to medical school. Everybody is, you know, wants to marry a fucking doctor. Then you got the lonely podiatrist sitting on the fucking sofa.
I'm a doctor, too. Doctor of your ass, right? No woman's going to drop her last name. I don't care how much Stinky Finger Magoo is making over there. You would think that every once in a while an athlete could thank a fucking podiatrist. Nope, it's always cops, firemen, fucking Coast Guard, first responders. Just want to thank all the first responders out there. What about where they bring all those people? They bring them to the doctors and they're sitting, I got to put this back together. Nobody's thanking me. You know? I mean, do you know how much hand sanitizer I have?
I haven't eaten a sandwich since my sophomore year of fucking medical school. There's not a fork and a knife. I ain't eat it.
oh shit you know i was going to give glory all glory to god and i want to thank all the whores out there you know coming to vegas during the conventions um anyway anyway I have to I have to plug back into the news because just half the shit I'm hearing about these Epstein files, I have to get I just tapped out years ago. I have to get back in.
How does Bill Burr humorously discuss first responders?
And I because I just want to hear all these super racist fucking people who think the problem in this country is all of these illegal immigrants. They're eating. They're eating the dogs. Oh, yeah. What are you eating, buddy? What are you doing on your weekends? Jesus fucking Christ. Is that the end game? Like, I just want to talk to all the fucking racists out there. As you sit there pointing the finger at all these other races of people, okay? What do you think of this Epstein Island shit? That these billionaires, soon-to-be trillionaires, went to a fucking island to bang 12-year-olds.
Like, all of these politicians, these fucking philanthropists, fucking billionaires and shit, like, bunch of white guys, bunch of fucking white guys. Now, where are all these people where they're sitting there talking about all these other races are a bunch of violent people and they're ruining our city and they didn't get the fuck out of this country. They should go fucking back where they came, all of that shit. Now, what do you think of your own fucking people? And furthermore, what if the handful of fucking billionaire white guys that went down there and did those horrible fucking things, what if you were then judged by that? What if it wasn't compartmentalized? What if it was just white people?
I literally, I just, I don't know what the fuck has to happen for people to finally wake up and look up instead of looking down I was just out to breakfast having a cup of coffee and like just listening to people this woman was just like shitting on fucking her own country called New Jersey a suburb state and I'm thinking like what does that mean suburb of what they have cities there they got Newark they got Trenton
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What does Bill Burr share about his morning routine?
0:01–3:47
2
How does Bill Burr humorously discuss first responders?
3:47–7:04
3
What are Bill Burr's thoughts on brain surgeons and their recognition?
7:04–14:35
4
What insights does Bill Burr offer about the Epstein files?
14:35–20:48
5
How does Bill Burr critique societal perceptions of illegal immigrants?
20:48–25:43
6
What humorous anecdotes does Bill Burr share about driving in the rain?
25:43–31:44
7
What are Bill Burr's views on the Olympics and competitive sports?
31:44–41:19
8
What funny stories does Bill Burr tell about his experiences with birds?
41:19–52:12
Speakers
2 identifiedMore from Monday Morning Podcast
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