Wandsworth Prison, Brad Pitt & Intruders Downstairs
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What updates does Joanne have from Cape Town?
This is a Global Player original podcast.
Hello and welcome. Oh, hello and welcome.
I'm coming to you live from Kipton. I'm still here. Holding the entire tourism economy together, frankly.
I was thinking to myself, she better not come back in February because as with a Tuesday being the worst day of the week, February is the worst month of the year. By far.
Is it? I thought I, but I was, I'm erasing January to erase February as well. I don't know if even I can drink that much.
January is the worst.
no January are you mad everyone's like oh it's great like we're over Christmas we're turning over a new leaf and then by February it's like fuck that leaf it's crap and then it's too cold to do anything so you're like oh now I'm still and it's gonna probably snow for the whole of February February's the worst
But then, Vogue, then what happens with March? You know, March doesn't promise much either. So then what happens? I just don't come back.
March isn't that bad. The days are getting brighter. It's not as cold. March, you're like, you'll be ready by March, I should think.
No, no, no, no.
I'm hot. You'll have to reheat me.
We'll have to, no. We'll have to cool you back down. We'll cool you back down.
Something awful happened the other day. What? It was probably not awful. Do you know what it's like being over here? Something really tragic happened the other day.
Oh yeah.
I very naively believed I had a tan and then it washed off. So I was traipsing around, get them, thinking I was tanned. That I'd caught a tan. That all my tanning had worked. And then my Bareby Vogue washed off and I realised I was still... translucent and it was embarrassing do you tan at all it was embarrassing I do tan I do sunbathe but like I do find it insanely boring and we have to follow the sun around the garden and all like it's like a pain in the hell but then I was tanning I was like oh my god I don't need to sunbathe I've got a great tan it was awful and I am literally see through
Well, you look really brown from where I'm sitting.
Don't I? Yeah, because I put it on. Boobs look great. And the girl, the girl down there where I eat the, where I eat 12 poached eggs a day, she was like, you're so, you're tanning. She's like, you look great. I eat compared to when you got here. And I was like, thank you so much. She's very confused as to why I keep switching colors. She's like, what the fuck is going on here? I wouldn't say they have is there any is there a market down there for the big tan should I be considering South Africa for oh no I might pop down for February for work is that what you're saying come with me I'm going to do I'm coming here next January I'm going to start my next tour here I'm going to do a work in progress here in January so you're welcome to join if you want to open for me if you have a tight tan
well thank you so much I couldn't think of anything I'd like to do less a tight 10 or a loose 15 whatever you want to do the stage is yours I'll do listen if I can do a tight five I'll come she's like I've got to lose 40 Could I just introduce you on stage? And tick it off as a work expense. Yeah, actually, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can put comedian on the old CV. Comedienne. I was introducing her on stage and I told a joke. I'm a comedian. I follow Kevin Bridges. What more do you want?
Excuse me, I follow about 10 comedians. Oh, yeah. I flew over Michael McIntyre's house once. What more do you want? Expense. Done. Work.
Work. Come here to me. I have, I have news. Fantastic. Do you remember, now it's not about me, but it's news all the same. Do you remember your one who was riding the prisoner in prison, the prison guard, and she went to prison?
Do I what? Did you see? It's my Roman Empire. Go on.
Did you see the speech the judge said? No. How on earth he was able to keep a straight face? So look, he's like... I didn't hear. I was too busy being aroused by the crime, to be honest. Okay, well, you're going to be aroused by this. Are you ready? Okay, yeah. Here's his speech. On the 25th of June, 2024, you were on duty in uniform. Sexy.
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