Increasing Understanding in Your Neurodiverse Relationship-Sarah Swenson
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Welcome to the Neurodiverse Love Podcast. I'm Mona Kay and I was married for 30 years and in that relationship for 32. We didn't find out that we were a neurodiverse couple until our 29th year of marriage. I've been divorced since 2018 and together we have an amazing adult daughter who is thriving and doing fantastic. My hope is that as you navigate your relationship, But the information shared in this podcast will help you better understand the strengths, differences, and challenges you may have in your mixed neurotype relationship. If you would like to learn more about the resources I have available, I hope you will also check out my website at neurodiverse love dot com. And I also hope you will subscribe to the podcast and let me know what you like about each episode.
Thank you so much for listening to the Neurodiverse Love Podcast. All right. Welcome everybody. Thank you all for being here. We are I am really excited because I have my colleague and co uh workshop facilitator. We've done a lot of things together in the past. Sarah Swenson, who's a licensed mental health counselor and an amazing um Therapist, she works with neurodiverse couples, she's just all over the place. So today We are going to talk to Sarah about how to bring up a topic. without starting an argument.
What are the main challenges neurodiverse couples face when misinterpreting each other's intent?
Imagine that, right? Sarah. So Sarah, welcome to this Q ⁇ A panel. And maybe you could just start by sharing a little bit about yourself and then we'll get into a few questions.
Sure. Thank you, Mona. Thank you for the introduction. Yeah, I am a licensed therapist in Seattle and I work with um my therapy clients there, of course. But the bulk of my practice is a coaching practice and I work with neurodiverse couples all around the country and all around the world. Um, I actually work in three languages. So I I really I I hear about stories from all kinds of uh people and uh They're all they're all looking for the same kind of answers. So um I'm hopeful that my work is helpful. Um I do write a I write a um a sub stack of the neurodiverse couple and Hi.
How do differences in emotional intensity lead to arguments for neurodiverse partners?
You know, as Mona said, I offer workshops and things, but um I'm all I'm very grateful to be here and have this opportunity to uh talk about What comes up a lot, which is the beginning of conversations often goes sideways and why does that happen and what happens next?
It's such a challenge.
Do you have some questions? Do you
I do, I do. And and I want everybody to feel comfortable asking questions. And so if you do have a question, we have a few more people joining us. If you do have a question, put it in the chat and I'll ask Sarah after we go through the questions that she came up with to help guide this discussion. So the first one is why do partners misinterpret each other's intent?
Yeah, that's a fundamental challenge. And that's true really if you think about it, that's true for all of us. In in all all of our relationships, we tend to think that we know why somebody is doing or saying something. And and the premise is If I did that, it would mean this. If I said this, it would mean this. And therefore, if this person's doing it or saying it, This is what it means. Well, I mean, most of the time that's true. Evolutionarily that has helped us survive.
Why do alexithymia and interoception issues affect communication in mixed neurotype relationships?
What The challenges of course are that when you have a neurodiverse couple The intentions are often extremely different from what they might be if you use that other premise. And so um It's one thing to be aware of that, but it's another thing to remind yourself of it all the time. Um for example, uh and this is an this is an example that I use a lot to to just to make the point. Um if you are in the car with with an autistic person And you're going down the the highway and you say and you're you're a neurotypical person and you say, um, oh, there's a restaurant. And the autistic partner just keeps driving, doesn't do anything and You're kind of thinking. You say pass another restaurant, you say, Oh, there's another restaurant.
Well, a n a neurotypical driver might assume that what you're saying is you're hungry let and then say, Oh, you wanna stop for lunch, right?
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:00–1:32
2
What are the main challenges neurodiverse couples face when misinterpreting each other's intent?
1:32–2:25
3
How do differences in emotional intensity lead to arguments for neurodiverse partners?
2:25–3:43
4
Why do alexithymia and interoception issues affect communication in mixed neurotype relationships?
3:43–4:53
5
How can couples manage unspoken expectations and assumptions to avoid misunderstandings?
4:53–6:09
6
Why is timing and transition time crucial for successful conversations between neurodiverse partners?
6:09–7:20
7
How do different processing speeds contribute to communication breakdowns in neurodiverse couples?
7:20–8:18
8
What is the “bean theory” and how can it help couples gauge energy levels?
8:18–47:46
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay, MSW, Ph.D.
Lessons Learned & Lived Experiences: Mona’s Final Solo Episode
Improving Regulation & Communication-Jill Corvelli, Daniel Dashnaw, Barbara Grant & Jessie Mahoney
How is Neurodivergence Impacting Your Relationship?-Karen Doherty
Could I Really Be Autistic? Your First Steps to Self Discovery-Sarah Hendrickx
Imposter Syndrome, RSD, PDA & More-Panel Presentation from 2025 Neurodiverse Love Conference
Creating Consensual Reality in Your Neurodiverse Relationship-Margaret Cocharan