On Purpose with Jay Shetty
MEL ROBBINS: How to Stop People-Pleasing Without Feeling Guilty (Follow THIS Simple Rule to Set Boundaries and Stop Putting Yourself Last!)
14 Jan 2026
Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
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Chapter 2: How can we quiet our inner critic during stressful times?
Hi, I'm Radhi Devlukia, and I am the host of A Really Good Cry podcast. This week, I am joined by Anna Runkle, also known as the Crappy Childhood Fairy, a creator, teacher, and guide helping people heal from the lasting emotional wounds of unsafe or chaotic childhoods.
Talking about trauma isn't always great for people. It's not always the best thing. About a third of people who are traumatized as kids feel worse when they talk about it, get very dysregulated.
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No one is harmed, no death, no trauma, just a few cells grown in a dish. This is David Eagleman from the Inner Cosmos podcast. And this week, we're tackling a tough question where brain science meets the future. Lab-grown meat is going to force us to confront the boundaries of our ethics.
And what does this have to do with brain plasticity, social belonging, messed up boundaries between mental categories? What does this uncover about brain science and our calculations of morality? Listen to Inner Cosmos on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
On this week's episode of The Next Chapter, I, T.D. Jakes, get to sit down with Oprah Winfrey, a media mogul, philanthropist, and global trailblazer.
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Chapter 3: What do people worry about regarding others' opinions?
I could feel inside myself at four or five years old, looking through the screen on the back porch, that this is not going to be my life.
Chapter 4: What truths about self-criticism and people-pleasing does Mel Robbins share?
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Hey, it's Jay Shetty, host of On Purpose. On the newest episode of my podcast, we have an extremely special interview with Matthew McConaughey. Matthew opens up in a way you've never heard before. We talk about identity, purpose, failure, risk, relationships, and the parts of his journey he's never shared. If you've ever felt stuck, lost, or in transition, this episode is for you.
Chapter 5: How can we start listening to our own needs?
You won't want to miss this one. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Amazon Music, or wherever you listen to podcasts. People pleasing is actually... manipulation.
Chapter 6: What role does desperation play in personal change?
You're manipulating people so they like you. I'm not some pushover. I actually want people to like me so I am willing to manipulate them by staying silent or doing things I don't want to do or not expressing my boundaries because I at all costs just want people to like me. I'm so excited to be here tonight at the Wang Theatre in Boston with one of my dearest, dearest friends, Truly.
And I want to dive straight in, Mel, because you've got so much insight, so much wisdom on this that I've been fortunate enough to benefit from in our friendship. But I want to start by asking you, what do you think people are most worried about when it comes to what others think about them? Well, I brought notes. Because I know Jay asks very tough questions.
I think that the thing that we're most worried about is just that people aren't going to like you, that they're going to misunderstand you. That's the thing that we're the most worried about.
Because if you didn't care whether or not people liked you, if you didn't care about whether or not people misunderstood you or your intentions, you would just go about your life however the heck you wanted to. Right?
Chapter 7: How can jealousy be transformed into a positive insight?
And so, truly, if you stop and think, like think about one person in your life who that's the person whose opinion you worry about the most. Imagine if you could go about your life and not care if they like you or not, not care if they don't understand you or not. And sometimes people will be like, well, it's my boss. Okay, there's a lot of bosses out there.
Chapter 8: What strategies can help us break the habit of people-pleasing?
If the one that you're working for doesn't like you, There's nothing you can do about it, but you can always leave the job. And so I think that is what's at the heart of it, that we are so desperate to be liked and understood and loved by others that we live in fear that it's not going to happen. And in doing so, we basically live a life where we don't really like ourselves. So well said.
So well said. I mean... I think what you're getting at there is so powerful because it's almost like we don't even know what we're capable of, what we're worthy of, what we're able to do because we've constantly lived with that inner critic inside of us. There's the outer critic and the inner critic. Tell me about how we can learn to quiet that inner critic.
Because sometimes it is your boss, sometimes it is your partner, sometimes it is your mom, but there's that inner critic inside of you that's stifling you even more. Okay. I got to ask you a question first. Should I look at you or everybody out here? Like, I don't know where to look because normally when Jay and I are talking and recording a podcast, we don't see you guys.
So it's so cool to have you here. Like for real, thank you for showing up. I think we can look at them. I want to be with all of you.
Okay, great.
Because I feel a little distracted, like I'm ignoring you while I'm trying to look at Jay. And I want you to like me, for God's sakes, even though we're going to talk about how we have to stop worrying about that. Okay, so the question is about self-criticism. So there's a lot to unpack here, okay? And the first thing to understand is that there are two factors that
that truly amp up self-criticism. This is not from me. This is from some of the same experts that you have brought on to On Purpose. The more stressed out that you are, the more the self-criticism dials up. There's some relationship between you being in kind of fight or flight and your inability to be kinder and more present and compassionate with yourself. So that's number one.
If you're experiencing an uptick right now because you feel stressed and overwhelmed, that's to be expected. Second thing, and this is going to blow your freaking mind, okay? Self-criticism. This is crazy, okay?
I'm going to try to unpack this because I literally just talked to a psychiatrist today at Harvard Medical School who does all this research on body image, and everybody is critical of themselves. Self-criticism has really gone through the roof because check this out. We were never supposed to see ourselves. Mm-hmm. No, no, no, no, really, really like hang with me for a minute here. Yeah.
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