On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
Mon, 06 Jan 2025
Have you ever let someone just be themselves? How do you remind yourself what’s in your control? Today, Jay sits down with best-selling author and motivational speaker Mel Robbins to discuss her revolutionary “Let Them Theory.” Mel introduces a powerful mindset tool designed to help listeners take control of their thoughts, actions, and emotions while letting go of what they cannot control. This conversation dives into the heart of personal growth, resilience, and building a life centered on peace and purpose. Mel begins by explaining the core of the “Let Them Theory,” which is about recognizing the limits of control. She emphasizes the importance of letting others be who they are, accepting situations as they unfold, and redirecting focus to what’s within your power. Through vivid examples, Mel demonstrates how this approach can reduce stress, strengthen relationships, and reclaim wasted energy. Jay and Mel also explore the emotional weight of unmet expectations and the difference between “Let It Go” and “Let Them.” Mel shares how this subtle shift in mindset fosters empowerment rather than passivity. They also discuss the complexities of adult friendships and how they evolve over time. Mel introduces the three pillars of adult friendship—proximity, timing, and energy—and explains how these factors influence the ebb and flow of connections. In this interview, you'll learn: How to Identify What You Can Control How to Handle Stressful Situations at Work How to Set Boundaries with Difficult People How to Let Go of Unmet Expectations How to Manage Toxic Relationships Effectively How to Build Meaningful Adult Friendships How to Reclaim Energy Wasted on Others Remember, you don’t need to have it all figured out. Start small. Say "let them" to release what’s draining you and "let me" to reclaim your energy and choices. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty Visit https://jayshettyshop.com - 100% of Proceeds are donated to National Alliance on Mental Illness. NAMI is the nation’s largest grassroots mental health organization dedicated to building better lives for the millions of Americans affected by mental illness. What We Discuss: 01:47 What is the “Let Them” Theory 04:40 The Significant Difference Between “Let Them” and “Let Me” 06:49 Stop Obsessing Over Things You Can’t Control 14:03 People Only Change if They Want to 21:59 How Do You Let Difficult People Be 26:31 Learn to Value Your Time and Energy 35:10 Two Things that Truly Define Love 42:12 Let People Gossip About It 46:34 Don’t Expect Too Much From Others 58:22 You Aren’t Unlovable, Let Them 01:01:12 Let Them Lie to You, It’s Their Truth 01:04:17 Why is Adult Friendship Difficult? 01:12:35 The Hardest Way to Practice the “Let Them” Theory Episode Resources: Mel Robbins | Website Mel Robbins | Instagram Mel Robbins | YouTube Mel Robbins | TikTok The Mel Robbins Podcast The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can’t Stop Talking About See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Chapter 1: What is the ‘Let Them Theory’?
Hey, everyone. This is Molly and Matt, and we're the hosts of Grown Up Stuff How to Adult, a podcast from Ruby Studio and iHeart Podcasts.
Chapter 2: What’s the difference between ‘Let Them’ and ‘Let Me’?
It's a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
Chapter 3: How can I stop obsessing over things I can't control?
like how to start planning for retirement, creating a healthy skincare routine, understanding when and how much to tip someone, and so much more.
Chapter 4: How do I let difficult people be themselves?
Let's learn about all of it and then some. Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app and search Grown Up Stuff.
Chapter 5: How can I manage stress at work effectively?
45 years ago, a Virginia soul band called the Edge of Daybreak recorded their debut album, Behind Bars. Record collectors consider it a masterpiece. The band's surviving members are long out of prison, but they say they have some unfinished business. Listen to Soul Incarcerated on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Chapter 6: What are the three pillars of adult friendship?
Every human being has a hardwired need to be in control of everything. There's three things in your control, Jay. What you think, what you do or don't do, and how you process your emotions. If you embrace this skill, you're going to be shocked.
Chapter 7: How do I reclaim energy wasted on others?
This is by far one of the best self-help books I've ever read. Your mind and soul are in for a treat. The queen of grounded science fact personal development, Mel Robbins.
Chapter 8: Why is it important to set boundaries with difficult people?
Work has been seen as the number one cause of stress.
You have a customer that's really rude. You lose a big account. You get passed over for something. As you notice the stress come up, Jay, you're simply going to say, let them. If you focus and try to manage things that are never going to be within your control, it only creates stress, anxiety, and frustration for you.
Imagine for every thought you had about that person, you had to pay them a dollar. That's how much energy, time and money is being wasted.
You have no idea right now how much time and energy is being wasted or drained because of other people's behavior or your expectations about how you wish things would go.
This is, I think, my legacy. I think that this is the thing I was supposed to figure out and leave the world.
If you're struggling right now with things you can't control, this episode is for you. If you're someone who's struggling at work and negative people and toxic culture, this episode's for you. If you're someone who's struggling with your family members and your friends and setting boundaries, this episode's for you. So...
Mel, where I want to start is work has been seen as the number one cause of stress. You write about this in the book, in people's lives. How can the let them theory help people in the place that causes them the most stress?
It's an excellent question. So first, let me... no pun intended, let me explain the theory. So in case you haven't bumped into this online, the theory is very simple. It is a mindset tool that instantly helps you identify what's in your control and what's not in your control.
The reason why this is important is because any psychologist will tell you that if you focus and try to manage things that are never going to be within your control, it only creates stress, anxiety, and frustration for you.
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