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Table Read

The Jew Who Saved Christmas - Act 1

10 Dec 2024

Transcription

Chapter 1: What is the setting of the story?

519.169 - 521.109 Narration / Scene Description

Benjamin shakes his head, never.

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521.389 - 529.532 Bernie

Well, that's old news because after tonight, my name in Hanukkah won't be associated with fire. Actually, it will be, but the Gen Z good kind.

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530.492 - 542.273 Benjamin

Hell yeah, friend. So, how can I help you get redemptive fried? You looking for an indica in the couch situation or a pre-party pump-up?

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542.413 - 550.297 Bernie

Benjamin, I'm not smoking before my party. My family's already taking cash bets on me beefing it. I just want something for after to help me unwind.

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551.177 - 559.401 Narration / Scene Description

I got just the thing, my man. Benjamin ducks below the counter and pops back up with gold-wrapped gelt. Bernie inspects the tag.

559.801 - 566.204 Benjamin

Miracle gelt. Just one bite and in one night, eight crazy adventures will ignite.

567 - 570.438 Bernie

I do love a theme. Eight miracles per serving.

571.209 - 582.676 Benjamin

My Safda in Israel got these eats from some ancient rabbi who's a descendant of the Maccabees. This shit's got salt from the Dead Sea. Dates from the West Bank. It's blessed by, like, four holy beards.

582.716 - 589.22 Bernie

Yeah, okay, easy on the hard sell. I'm down for audibles. Thanks, Ben. All right, I'm out. Wish me luck.

Chapter 2: Who is Bernie Gold and what is her situation?

775.611 - 778.312 Benjamin

But we wanted to include you in the Christmas fun.

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778.552 - 784.933 Bernie

How neighborly. But it is I that should include you. Why don't you join in on our Hanukkah fun?

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785.919 - 788.64 Narration / Scene Description

Phil's tow-headed child grabs his dad in fear.

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788.88 - 795.143 Child Neighbor

Dad, no! If we go in there, Santa will think I'm Jewish. He'll skip our house, and I won't get my Nintendo Switch.

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796.123 - 808.888 Benjamin

Maybe next time, Bernie. It's not like Hanukkah has a shortage of nights. And yet y'all still picked Christmas Eve to celebrate. Well, okay. We're off to finish the rounds. Spread the cheer.

808.908 - 809.908 Bernie

Convert the masses.

811.289 - 811.649 Benjamin

Pardon?

811.869 - 814.43 Bernie

Merry Christmas, Phil. Area neighbors.

815.097 - 825.839 Narration / Scene Description

They start to sing Mary, did you know, as Bernie slams the door in their faces. Interior, living room, later. The family is gathered around as Bernie lights the menorah. Everyone sings the prayer.

Chapter 3: What conflict does Bernie face at the airport?

1408.755 - 1410.155 Bernie

Come on, Santa, work with me here!

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1410.415 - 1415.996 Narration / Scene Description

She dips her fingers into the water and splashes him repeatedly. Nothing. A gust of wind howled.

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1416.596 - 1420.797 Bernie

Fresh air. Yeah, always sobers me up. Okay, so how do you, um...

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1421.854 - 1423.475 Narration / Scene Description

Bernie gestures to the chimney.

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1423.735 - 1425.536 Bernie

Front door. Front door is good.

1425.917 - 1431.64 Narration / Scene Description

Time jump. Santa's arms are now draped over Bernie's shoulders as she attempts to drag him to the door.

1431.66 - 1438.125 Bernie

Almost there. Okay, I can do it. No, no, I need a break. Okay, let's just rest for a minute.

1438.985 - 1447.911 Narration / Scene Description

Bernie props Santa upright. He balances for a moment until he slowly falls backwards and breaks the coffee table. Glass shatters and food flies.

1448.331 - 1448.912 Bernie

I killed Santa.

Chapter 4: How does Bernie interact with her co-worker Eve?

1845.985 - 1851.629 Bernie

Did you know that you're a baby boy?

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1851.669 - 1857.313 Mom / Bitch Sister / Auntie Orna

Text alert from mom. I pulled out the dining room leaf so you wouldn't scratch it like you did last time.

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1857.333 - 1861.436 Eve

That was so good. I do both those jobs. That's incredible.

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1861.696 - 1864.218 Mom / Bitch Sister / Auntie Orna

I'm so used to it. She sounds that way all the time.

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1868.931 - 1885.797

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1886.157 - 1897.201

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