478: I've made so much progress with my drinking. So why doesn't it feel any easier? [Listener Q&A]
episode
Take a Break from Drinking: Practical Tools to Drink Less & Change Your Relationship with Alcohol
19 min
1 speaker
8 chapters
transcribed 1 month ago
Transcript
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Why does progress in cutting back on drinking still feel stuck?
Have you made real progress cutting back on how much you drink, yet you keep waiting for things to feel easier? Or despite all the changes you've made, you find it frustrating that alcohol continues to occupy so much space in your head? This is episode 478, and I'm explaining why drinking less and changing your relationship with alcohol are not the same thing, and why understanding the difference will completely change how you measure progress.
Whether you want to drink less or stop drinking, this podcast will help you change the habit from the inside out. We're challenging conventional wisdom about why people drink and why it can be hard to resist temptation. No labels, no judgment, just practical tools to take control of your desire and stop worrying about your drinking. Now, here's your host, Rachel Hart.
All right. Today's listener question is from Annalisa. Here's what she wrote. I've been working on cutting back on alcohol for the last couple of years. I've made some progress for sure. I was a daily drinker for a couple of decades, but I still have one foot in and one foot out of this process because I just don't have a compelling reason to quit. While I've never been happy about my tie to alcohol, I don't have any major consequences. I rarely wake up with a and I can get three to four alcohol-free days in each week. My weekly drink count has also dropped at least 80%, but I still haven't ever taken a break. I still resist the idea. And then when I try to string together, even just a week, I give in because it's a weekend or I'm meeting up with friends, et cetera.
I guess I don't like where I am now because I feel like I've been working on this for so long and it doesn't seem to be getting easier. Alcohol still occupies a significant amount of my thoughts. I listen to podcasts constantly, probably for the last three years. Do you have any advice for being in a spot like this? All right, Annalisa, thank you so much for your question. First, I just want to acknowledge that you have made so much incredible progress.
What does Annalisa’s story reveal about measuring drinking progress?
You went from drinking every day for a couple decades to routinely having three or four alcohol-free days a week. You also wrote that you reduced your weekly drink count by 80%. That is really remarkable. And I don't want to gloss over this because I think sometimes when we really want to change our relationship with alcohol, we get really focused on where we want to go and how we're not there yet. And we lose sight of how far we've already come. But here's the thing. What stood out to me in your question wasn't actually how much you're drinking. It was this sentence. Alcohol still occupies a significant amount of my thoughts because I actually think that's the heart of what you're struggling with.
And I wonder if part of what's happening is that you're measuring your progress using the wrong yardstick. I think there are actually two different kinds of progress when it comes to your drinking. The first is drinking less. That is where most people focus their attention. So we're asking the question, how much was I drinking before and how much am I drinking now? And the progress here matters, but it's not the be all and end all. Because the second type of progress is needing alcohol less. And I want to be really careful with that word need because I know it can kind of trigger something. It certainly did for me when I would think about, well, I don't need to drink. I just want to. People hear the word need and immediately think about addiction or physical dependence.
So I would picture someone whose body had become so dependent on alcohol that they would get sick without it. That's what I thought need meant. But that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking more about psychological necessity. I'm talking about all the moments when drinking feels essential or non-negotiable or
How are “drinking less” and “needing alcohol less” different kinds of progress?
or like a must-have ingredient for the experience that you want to have. For example, telling yourself that you can't enjoy the weekend without it, or dinner with friends just isn't going to be as much fun if you're not drinking, or why bother even going on vacation if you're not going to drink?
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
Why does progress in cutting back on drinking still feel stuck?
0:00–2:06
2
What does Annalisa’s story reveal about measuring drinking progress?
2:06–4:04
3
How are “drinking less” and “needing alcohol less” different kinds of progress?
4:04–7:45
4
What are drink archetypes and how do they shape our perceived need for alcohol?
7:45–10:18
5
How do anticipation and worry keep alcohol occupying our thoughts?
10:18–12:23
6
Why does the brain keep forecasting drinking‑related scenarios and how can we outsmart it?
12:23–14:20
7
How can shifting focus from alcohol to attention improve mental freedom?
14:20–16:27
8
What practical steps can listeners take to measure progress beyond drink counts?
16:27–19:29
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from Take a Break from Drinking: Practical Tools to Drink Less & Change Your Relationship with Alcohol
481: Wanting to prove you can drink less
480: Tolerating the discomfort of not having another drink
479: How do I get back on track after I slip up and drink too much?
477: Chasing the Sweet Spot with Your Drinking
476: Why You Can Always Find a Good Reason to Drink
475: What if you just love drinking? [Listener Q&A]