481: Wanting to prove you can drink less
episode
Take a Break from Drinking: Practical Tools to Drink Less & Change Your Relationship with Alcohol
21 min
1 speaker
8 chapters
transcribed 1 month ago
Transcript
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Why do we feel the need to prove we can handle alcohol?
For the longest time I used to think to myself I just want to prove that I can handle alcohol, that I can know when to stop without constantly waking up regretting how much I drank. What I didn't realize back then was how this desire to Prove something, prove something about my drinking was actually keeping me stuck in a cycle of overdoing it. This is episode 481, and I'm gonna help you understand and explore the unseen and unspoken desire that often accompanies wanting to prove you can drink less or prove you can handle alcohol. And I'll explain why addressing this makes it so much easier to actually reach your goal. Whether you want to drink less or stop drinking, this podcast will help you change the habit from the inside out.
We're challenging conventional wisdom about why people drink and why it can be hard to resist temptation. No labels, no judgment, just practical tools to take control of your desire and stop worrying about your drinking. Now here's your host, Rachel Hart. Recently, I posed this question on a coaching call inside Take a Break. I said, why does it feel so important to prove that you can drink less? And this question might sound a little strange coming out of my mouth, since I'm a coach who literally teaches people how to do just that. But if you want to drink less, if you want to change your relationship with alcohol, if you want to feel more in control. I think it's really important that you stop to answer this question.
Why does it feel so important to prove that you can? People will say to me all the time, listen, Rachel, I don't want to quit forever. I just want to know that I can stop after a couple drinks and not go overboard. Or they'll tell me, I don't want to stop drinking. I just want to be able to drink normally. And I will be totally honest, I spent so much of my own journey voicing these exact same desires. And on the surface, these desires can seem Like they're really about quantity, about how much you're drinking. So it's the idea of I want to still drink, but just not too much, or I want to have alcohol in my life, but in a moderate way. But what I want all of you listening today to consider is that your desire to drink less isn't just about alcohol.
What I have found over And over again is that the desire to change your drinking is so often also about identity.
How does the desire to drink less relate to personal identity?
It's about how you want to see yourself and not understanding this piece of the equation, not understanding what hides underneath. So many of these statements about wanting to drink less, not understanding that it's actually an attempt to reckon with how you see yourself. This is one of the biggest reasons why I see people getting stuck and why it can feel like you're going in circles with your attempts at change. So maybe it feels like you're making some progress and then you slip back into old behaviors, or you feel really motivated and really determined that this time is But then after a while you lose steam. Because if you don't understand the full scope of what's driving the desire to prove that you can drink less or prove that you can handle alcohol, you're gonna find it harder to reach your goal.
When externally you say, Listen, I just want to drink less, but internally you're hoping to prove something about who you are and how you see yourself. What you will often find is that These two goals, the goals of changing how much you drink, and the goal of changing how you see yourself, they actually can end up at odds with one another. Because I will tell you this: learning how to work with your urges and your cravings and your excuses, it requires things like curiosity and experimentation and a willingness to listen to what's happening inside of you and work. With what's happening inside of you rather than clinging to the way you think things should be. Whereas proving something about who you are, it just doesn't draw from the same skills.
When we're trying to prove something about ourselves, we are so often caught up in trying to do things right, trying not to make mistakes, and measuring ourselves against an external standard.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
Why do we feel the need to prove we can handle alcohol?
0:00–2:45
2
How does the desire to drink less relate to personal identity?
2:45–5:32
3
What cultural messages make us think drinking defines who we are?
5:32–8:30
4
Why can the goal to drink less clash with the goal to protect self‑image?
8:30–11:24
5
How can curiosity‑driven questions help us change our drinking habits?
11:24–13:45
6
What happens when your identity is wrapped up in drinking outcomes?
13:45–15:45
7
Why can external markers like alcohol never solve internal identity questions?
15:45–18:38
8
How does redefining the meaning of drinking empower lasting change?
18:38–21:16
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from Take a Break from Drinking: Practical Tools to Drink Less & Change Your Relationship with Alcohol
480: Tolerating the discomfort of not having another drink
479: How do I get back on track after I slip up and drink too much?
478: I've made so much progress with my drinking. So why doesn't it feel any easier? [Listener Q&A]
477: Chasing the Sweet Spot with Your Drinking
476: Why You Can Always Find a Good Reason to Drink
475: What if you just love drinking? [Listener Q&A]