"India Cheat Japan"

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What do the hosts talk about in the opening banter and why do they mention cutting off faces and soccer balls?

G Lane 0:00
Happy Wednesday. Is it Wednesday? It sure is Wednesday. Absolute maniac. Yeah, no, well, I kind of haven't really clocked off. I feel like I've been at work for 10 days. So Wednesday, that's good. It is Wednesday. We're
Tony Lyall 0:14
smack bang in the middle of the working week.
G Lane 0:15
Some people
Tony Lyall 0:16
call it hump day, but those people are, for the most part, massive losers.
G Lane 0:20
Speaking of which, my son last night goes, yes, it's hump day tomorrow. And I was like, what? What
Tony Lyall 0:27
do you do? He's
G Lane 0:28
down the coal mine, chiseling away, being
Tony Lyall 0:30
like, Jesus, another day,
G Lane 0:31
another dollar.
Tony Lyall 0:32
Jesus, grinding away, year nine. You know what? Kids really do say the darndest things. Oh.
G Lane 0:38
I did say that. I said, shut up. You said, shut up. Did you strike him? Shut up. Giving him a good old-fashioned whack? Yeah, and I backhanded him into Tuesday.
Tony Lyall 0:46
Yeah. And it was already actually Tuesday.
G Lane 0:49
Yeah, true. So that means I didn't hit
Tony Lyall 0:51
him. You thought it was a
G Lane 0:51
good one?
Tony Lyall 0:52
Yeah. It's all good. It's the final week of term. Oh, shit. It is. I know. It means you're home. You've got to look after your own kids next week. Fuck. There'll be no doubt kids racing around the studio next week. Like just smacking red balls left, right and centre. Every school holiday is around here because obviously Radio Hodaki, the studio, is next door. It's just a full daycare. There's kids as far as the eye can see. No one can organise any sort of
G Lane 1:16
school holiday programme. We're all terrible parents as well. Speak for yourself. Just you wait. You're in a honeymoon period. Your kids are still little and cute. They
Tony Lyall 1:27
certainly
G Lane 1:27
are. I mean, that's
Tony Lyall 1:28
arguably when they're the most needy. I mean, yours, you could chuck your kids like a pack of dairies in a Mountain Dew and they'd probably sort themselves out for the day.
G Lane 1:35
Yeah, the problem is they're selling drugs out the back of kind of a bus station within a half an
Tony Lyall 1:40
hour. Entrepreneurial spirit. If there's worse things to be than a drug dealer in life, what about a drug taker? I'd rather them sell it than deal it.
G Lane 1:47
Well, yeah, but you don't want to get high on your own supply, do you? But that often is a downfall of a lot of drug
Tony Lyall 1:52
dealers. No, I mean, you've got to obviously play them the 10 crack commandments.
G Lane 1:56
Let them
Tony Lyall 1:56
know, never get high on your own supply. As long as you play them enough sort of rap songs and they'll go, okay, I know what to do now. I know not to take it. I should just sell it. Trying to get too deep in with the distributors. Like if you are having meetings with the common cheeros or anything like that, you're probably a bit too close to the fire. You might end up with your sort of face sewn to a soccer ball.
G Lane 2:15
Particularly if you're 11.
Tony Lyall 2:16
Which, by the way, that's got to be one of the worst ways to go if you are murdered by the cartel. Yeah. The humiliating face sewn to a soccer ball afterwards.
G Lane 2:24
I haven't heard of that one.
Tony Lyall 2:25
You haven't
G Lane 2:26
heard of
Tony Lyall 2:26
that? I think they would put the face of the person on a soccer ball.
G Lane 2:30
I
Tony Lyall 2:30
think this was particularly to torment people who were incarcerated. And
G Lane 2:37
this is tough, by the way. Very South American, isn't it? Because very football focused. If
Tony Lyall 2:41
you're listening to this first thing in the morning, I apologize. But someone was incarcerated and if they snitched, they would obviously murder their family. And then so their family's face to footballs and kick the footballs over the walls of the prison. so that the person inside would just be bombarded with the face of their family members.
G Lane 2:58
Right, so in New Zealand it would be a Steedon. So it wouldn't be a football. You'd have to put an up and under into Mount Eden. Yeah, you'd just put a big Gary Allen. Oh,
Tony Lyall 3:06
Mount Eden. It's Mount Steedon. You're kicking a Steedon into Mount Steedon prison from the motorway. There used to be a time when you could drive past that prison, you could see inmates.
Unknown 3:18
And if there are
Tony Lyall 3:18
inmates in there listening,
Unknown 3:20
I
Tony Lyall 3:20
don't know. On the motorway, yeah, it was quite high.
G Lane 3:22
You know that
Tony Lyall 3:22
iPod privileges in jail? I don't know much about jail. No, no. No, you can't have a cheeky ear pod in,
G Lane 3:28
listen to a podcast while you're doing your time? Don't think so, no. You don't have internet access.

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