Chapter 1: What happened at the Black Clash event?
Okay. How are you? You want the honest answer or the answer that the listeners probably want to hear? Yeah, good. I'm fine.
I'm happy.
Big weekend. Feeling quite good about myself. Not worried about the fact I could be a bad person. Yeah.
What was a big weekend? It was a big weekend. How was your weekend?
Yours was very different to mine, even though we're doing the same thing. You had a bit more work to do than I did. Yeah, yeah, commentating the old Black Clash yesterday on TVNZ. How did that go? The day before. It was good. It was a really good call, actually.
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Chapter 2: How did the Black Caps achieve their historic ODI series win in India?
I had a good time with old Horty J and Minaya. I thought it might have been one of our better commentaries. Oh, that's saying something. Yeah, the cricket was a bit better. You know, rugby actually had an attack. So, you know, it was a bit on. I enjoyed it. Yeah. How was your break? A break?
Chapter 3: What insights does Matt Heath share in his NFL Corner?
A break was phenomenal. My God, I had a good break. What did you do? Just everywhere. I was all over the shop. Beaches, lakes, just everywhere. Right. Bitches everywhere.
Chapter 4: What feedback do listeners have for the hosts in 'Yours Please' segment?
It was all on. I had a great time. You know, it's almost like I feel relaxed. You know, normally I back into the, you know, back into work and I'm like, I feel worse than when I left. Yeah. And because, you know, you sometimes can go so hard over the holidays that it's actually a relief to be back at work where something's like, you know, you've got the guard rails to keep you in line.
Yeah.
But now I've actually been. I never quite identified that. Now you say that you do always back into work. Yeah. At the start of the year.
Chapter 5: How does the Black Clash compare to traditional cricket events?
Joe, how are you feeling on the tours again today, mate? You were away with us across the weekend. Slightly more on my side of the fence when it comes to professionalism. No, I mean, I'm perfectly fine. Didn't drink a drop all weekend. Really? Yeah, ran a half marathon when I got home. Really? Yeah, it was great. All right, well, what was all those that you being really steamed till 4 a.m.
all the night said? How does that marry up with what you're saying? Oh, you mean this weekend just being? Yeah, how does the truth? I'm just trying to see how the truth fits with what you've just said. Fuck, man, take some of those socials back, eh? Oh, waking up Sunday morning. That's a horrific service you offer there.
Did you enjoy the one of, so you're just kind of wrestling your demons and then you get a video of you with your shirt off swinging around your head. This is what you do to Lane, isn't it?
You do this to G Lane and I love it when you do it to him, but Matty, it's this thing where just about half an hour after waking up when you're just starting to have the conversations with the people you need to about getting over your demons, there's a video that goes up that you haven't seen before and you go, hang on. Yeah, no, he's done it to me. Yeah. I'm sure he actually wrote it.
Everything is content. Everything is content today, Joe. When you're on a way trip, you're on the clock from when you get on the plane to when you get off the plane, and everything you do is content for Joe to get out there and feed into the machine. I'm still learning that. There's a video of me chickening around with a chair above my head. He's your friend.
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Chapter 6: What challenges did the Black Caps face during their series in India?
If I can shoot above my head. He's your friend. Yeah. But he's also a content creator. And look, someone's got to do it. And he's got the camera. So you never see him posting pictures of himself with his shirt off. Never. I'll have my shirt off. Yeah, but the camera's never pointing your way. I'll be blackout, face down in a toilet somewhere, but...
You'll be blackout facedown in the toilet, like filming me in the next cubicle, facedown in the next cubicle toilet, posting that. Underneath the door. Yeah, we'll reflect a bit more on that weekend as we get our ducks in a row, as the week progresses. Have we started this podcast yet? Yeah, we certainly have, but we'll do it again live from the Export Bed Garden studio.
This is The Agenda for Monday, the 19th of January. The Agenda podcast, the home of sporting nonsense and claptrap. Brought to you by Export Ultra. All right, OK, we have some sports to discuss. Finally, first, the 2026 Black Clash. Second, New Zealand secure a series victory that I'm sure people are not excited enough about just yet.
And finally, the NFL, what's been happening yesterday, your beloved Rams are versing the Bears. The Bears? Yeah, the Bears today. This afternoon. But let's start with the Black Clash and we'll get to the NFL because I'm sure that's where we're going to spend most of our time. Team cricket, 196 for nine. Jesse Ryder, 86 off 48. Let me tell you why that's impressive, first and foremost.
We'll go through a few more of the numbers in a couple of moments. We went to the next session on Saturday before the game and we ran into Tim Southey. Yeah. And he said, first and foremost, who the fuck let you in here? Yeah. And then I said, what do you mean? He's always like that, isn't he? Dangerously aggressive. His joke is always basically, fuck you. Yeah.
And you're never sure whether it's a joke or not. Maybe it isn't a joke. I don't think it is. Right, okay. It's just he doesn't like us. Yeah. It happened enough times across the week and then I'm pretty sure he just doesn't like us.
Yeah, yeah. But that's fine.
Yeah, because I said hello to him walking out onto the pitch and I went, g'day, because I've, you know, spent some time with him over the years. Yeah. And he was like, eh. Yeah, but what I've realised is time isn't currency in a Saudi relationship. No. Because I've now spent a bit of time with him. I had a chat, a half hour chat with him, maybe much to his demise on Friday night.
And I thought that that was, you know, some numbers in the bank for our relationship. But I don't think it is. Yeah, because I spent a bit of time with him in India. And then when I saw him next, he goes, it was disappointing to see you over there in India. It's like three months later, it was disappointing to see you there. That's exactly what he was like. It's like, okay. Yeah.
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Chapter 7: What are the implications of the NFL playoffs discussed in this episode?
So anyway, we saw him on Saturday and he said, okay, sweet. So we found, so there were two fucking wasted people last night that were embarrassing themselves. One of them was you and we found you. Have you seen Jesse Ryder? Sorry, what? You've lost, Jesse. And he's like, no, we seriously haven't seen Jesse Ryder yet.
Apparently, he showed up two hours later, but he had won hell of a night on the Friday night. Jesse Ryder, people might be surprised to hear. 86 of 48. He almost scored a ton. He was so good. And the way he bats is so... Like, it's like no one else. Yeah. It's just the way he flicks around and... He kind of just whips and... Yeah, whips and flicks and... Yeah. He's just so good.
He just sees the ball better than anyone. Is it... Because I mean this with all due respect, is it because he just kind of has to stand still? I don't know. You know what I mean? Like, it's just all hands and he's just flicking around. What do you mean? Yeah. You know what I mean. There was no twos. He wasn't coming back for two. No, he wasn't coming back for two.
Who else scored runs in the team cricket? There was Hamish Marshall, Geordie Barrett took 3 for 56 on the bowling attack. Kieran Reid took 2 for 18. Tim Sally took 2 for 26. Okay, so it was mainly just Jesse Ryder in team cricket that scored the runs. Is that right? Yeah, I think so. From memory? Yeah, Louis Vinson got like a...
second ball duck i think that's right grand elliott got a first ball duck yep golden duck william scored a few yeah william was he he looked right hey did he set a six at one point yes yeah dude yes he was yes because he's such a good guy he's such a top guy but through all the the gags He was quite nervous. He gave a show, yeah.
That takes a lot of balls to get out there and you're playing with real sports people. And he's in good shape, but real sports people. And like the first ball of his first over that went 300 metres in the air and landed, went before, but landed about 20 metres behind the bowler, the wicketkeeper. That's your worst nightmare, isn't it?
You just come in for the loosener and you just want it to, you're in front of a crowd, you just want it to bounce once. I thought we were looking at a 12 ball over. Yeah. But then he, the second over, he was good and he batted really well. So that was cool. He was a good wild card. Mr. Cricket didn't fire. No, he didn't. No, he didn't. He dropped a catch.
Did we have anything to do with Mr. Cricket across the weekend? Anyone in this room have any conversation?
We did.
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Chapter 8: How can New Zealand cricket learn from the success of the Black Clash?
Yeah, just get us out and out. Yeah. Yeah, but we were the same. We had an Airbnb back in the mountains. So we went to the sponsors event on the Friday night after the big show event. Mate, I've got to be honest, I was barely online that entire weekend. The Friday night. I remember seeing you briefly on the Friday night and saying, oh, will I see you at the sponsors event?
Yep, we saw everyone there at the sponsors event. I kind of lost it there. We went back to our place, Airbnb, till about 4 or 5 a.m. Slept smart. Goo Goo Dolls, Iris. Oh, mate. On YouTube live performance. Manara and Joe Jerry went down this live music hole. Right. For about four or five hours. Yep, first night fever. Classic.
And then you're basically struggling and on the back foot for the rest of the weekend. But we back footed ourselves because you're also slightly disappointed with yourself because you know it didn't need to happen. Like I could have watched Iris Cougar Dolls live on the 4th of July in Buffalo, New York or where the fuck it was, you know, any day of the week. It didn't have to be at 4am.
You didn't need to be... But that went on when we got up. We didn't have G Lane kind of, you know, running that frantic, let's go and check out some grassroots footy at 8.30am, which was quite nice this weekend. Blame someone, someone. No, go, go, go, go, go. I've booked in the summer. We've got to meet up with someone for something.
Yeah.
That has to be done. I've sold this to the someone. I've sold you to someone to be somewhere.
Yeah.
So we got a bit of a sleep.
I'm going to put a frozen banana up my butt and take a photo. Yeah, we saw it.
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