Chapter 1: What are the highlights of St. Patrick's Day celebrations?
This weekend only, experience the chills, thrills, and skills of Crabapple's largest operatic techno festival. The Polyoligon Ultra Fest is back and hotter than ever. Seriously, it's going to be 95 degrees, so pack your party wagon, grab your fanny pack, and put on your best sparkle tutu, because this three-day fest has it all. Oh, yeah.
With headlining sets by DJ Sex Puppet, Nickel Mixa featuring Tottle Pocket, Italy's shortest operatic techno singer Rigatoni, and one very special late night set by saxophone beatmaster Poodle. Poodle.
Plus, exciting performances from Mike McCrone and his fire-breathing dance ponies, Jill the Go-Go Clown Lady, Dirty Dave and his amazing flying Bible beaters, and tantra prostate massages by hand magician Raphael. Three long sweaty days and three never-ending smelly nights glamping with thousands of overly friendly strangers. You'll be hungry and tired by day, frustrated and dirty by night.
Free water from the community hose and two communal showers. You'll be wishing you had booked that expensive hotel. And new for this year's festival, free yoga provided by the misguided youth stretchers. An art market with over 30 artists peddling terrible art they bought on Team U. And plenty of food from random food trucks no inspector has ever had time to inspect.
Your tummy will be begging for more or begging for the door. So go to REI and buy an expensive tent you can't set up, load up on craft beer that'll go bad by Saturday morning, pack your best neon tights, put on your strongest deodorant, and head to Crabapple Fairgrounds where you'll be parking two miles away from your crowded tent site.
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Chapter 2: How does Bryan envision himself as 'Lord of the Acid'?
Gates open on Thursday night to get the hangover started early. Music starts early Friday morning to wake you up irritated, and the party won't stop until Sunday, because who doesn't love to party on Sunday? The 5th Annual Polyoligon Ultra Operatic Techno Festival. Come on, grab apple, drop the beat. Absolutely no glass or outside food will be allowed inside of festival grounds.
Due to previous incidents, no Y-Brien 3000 is allowed inside the gates. All ball gags must be checked at the door. No swimming allowed inside of the drinking water. Please refrain from sleeping in front of the stage. All children must be accompanied by a service animal.
On this episode of The Commercial Break...
The question is, Trey, are you up for it? You've said no once. Say no again. I'll get Jeff to book it at Mempho.
Chapter 3: What misconceptions exist about Irish culture?
If Jeff books me at Mempho to do Lord of the Acid, I am down 100%. Fill my cup up with whatever and just send me out there with a heart monitor. Yes. Bootsy Collins and schools from widespread panic.
The next episode of the commercial break starts now.
Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Walking into a St. Patrick's Day weekend. That's right.
Chapter 4: What interesting facts about St. Patrick's Day are shared?
Of festivities and fun where you certainly will puke on your shoes and lose your underwear. But that's okay. We're here to support you at the commercial break. We're here to encourage you to get as intoxicated as possible. Find that fine line between having fun and going to jail. This is the weekend to do it. Cops will be occupied with other idiots. You can go out and be yourself.
It's that kind of weekend.
There's a big parade going on downtown.
Yeah. Well, you know, in some places they have actually kiboshed the St. Patrick's Day parade because it's just too unmanageable. Yes. What is wrong with you people?
Chapter 5: How did Bryan's conversation with the Tool drummer unfold?
You're not supposed to besmirch the good name of the Irish people. We are not all a bunch of drunks. Just most of us. Leave it alone. And if you came from Ireland, you'd drink too. That's all I got to say. Ireland's a beautiful place, but it's up there. It's up there. And it's an island. You're on an island. You get island fever. You got to do something. The Irish are the Irish.
I'm proud to be of Irish descent. I know you are.
Chapter 6: What unique traditions are associated with St. Patrick's Day?
I'm proud to be of Irish descent. Thank you very much. Good job. We're not the best looking people. We're not the smartest looking people. We're not even, no one ever claimed that the Irish were super intelligent human beings, but we figured out how to make things work. When there were no potatoes, we went to making whiskey in Guinness. And I think we should be proud of ourselves for that.
It's nutritional. You could live off Guinness. You could. You'd have a bad headache, but you could. I've tried. Well, Bud Light, not Guinness. Right.
Chapter 7: What role does alcohol play in St. Patrick's Day festivities?
Because I never had the stomach for Guinness. Actually, I used to love a good Guinness.
I know. I like a good Guinness. But one or two. Yeah, you can't go all the way.
Because a Guinness drunk is a different kind of drunk. And I think that's part of the reason why Guinness is kind of attractive to some people. It's because they can drink it, but you've got to sip it. It's got to be something you do over the course of a couple years. At least 10 minutes. I could drink a Bud Light in five.
But you've got to give a good Guinness 10 minutes because it's a heavy drink.
That's true. It's making it big.
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Chapter 8: What humorous anecdotes are shared about past celebrations?
It's very popular right now amongst the kids.
It's always been popular. It's always been popular. But you're right. It's been contained in its popularity. It has its moments and then it goes away. I think in the early aughts, the 2000s, when I was out there hitting the bar scene, it was very popular to have a Guinness. But could you pour a Guinness correctly was the question.
That's always the question, yes.
We had, when I was a bartender, we would have our, the Guinness reps would come in once a year and they'd teach you how to pour a Guinness. But even then, it's a little bit misleading because here in the United States, you refrigerate the Guinness. In a lot of pubs in Ireland, the Guinness is not refrigerated. It's a warm Guinness. It's a room temperature Guinness.
And that's a different kind of experience. The kind where you're sure you're going to throw up at some point. You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
I do. I do. And I just, it's just that the way that that liquid falls into the glass and the creamy foam on top. It's a whole process. It's a ritual. It is a ritual. It is a ritual. And I've had a Guinness in Ireland and it was quite the experience. I do have to say.
Was it the warm temperature? Room temperature?
I think it was room temperature, but because it was so cold outside, it had a little crispness to it. It wasn't completely room temperature. I think just the lines were cold, and that's why it made it a little bit cold. But happy St. Patrick's Day to you, however you decide to do it. And I thought this was a good time to review some of our St. Patrick's Day knowledge.
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