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The Commercial Break

Huckin' Buckin' Forest Quantum Witch

05 Sep 2024

Transcription

Chapter 1: What humorous experiences does Bryan share from his past?

0.098 - 21.854 Bryan Green

So I played with myself next to 100 other women playing with themselves today and laughed with them and cried with them and screamed with them and became just feral fucking animals in the jungle in Costa Rica. And I feel so bad. So go masturbate with your friends.

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21.874 - 35.343 Unknown

On this episode of The Commercial Break. You take some donuts and some Doritos and you put them into a cauldron. Whabam! You have Buck.

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35.363 - 39.529 Krissy Hoadley

I take a little Seagull Sibling, a little LSD and some Ayahuasca.

0

39.849 - 54.49 Unknown

Whabam! We're in for the final night of hunting. I'm the forest quantum witch. The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.

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60.072 - 67.184 Krissy Hoadley

Kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the Tommy to my Tang, Kristen Joy. Hopefully best to you, Kristen.

67.204 - 68.707 Unknown

Oh, best to you, Brian.

68.727 - 76.68 Krissy Hoadley

Maybe a Tang. Maybe a Tang. Best to you. We just got back from Tang. Oh, yeah. We had a Tang twang. You know what a Tang twang is?

77.251 - 79.074 Unknown

It's a cosmopolitan with orange juice.

79.475 - 87.087 Krissy Hoadley

It's a Tang twang. I love it. Little Rochambeau, baby. Rochambeau. Oh, how I wish.

Chapter 2: What is the significance of the Rusty Nail in the episode?

87.307 - 102.853 Krissy Hoadley

How I wish we had been graced with the knowledge or the presence of a Tommy Tangs within 20 miles of us. We did a little bit more digging after hearing about Tommy Tangs and what a great date night spot. Hey, listen, everybody liked the Tangs. Everybody was out at the Tangs.

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102.873 - 108.865 Bryan Green

Yeah, I guess he's a famous Thai chef, and he opened his own spot out in L.A. on Melrose.

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109.226 - 119.728 Krissy Hoadley

And they used to say, Tuesday at Tangs, baby. Meet Tuesday at Tangs. Let's go. Let's hit it. We would have said that. We would have been every day at Tangs. Oh, man, I would have been at Tangs. You would have. God, fuck.

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119.708 - 137.498 Krissy Hoadley

man I love Tang you know there were a couple of people that were total regulars oh you know there were a lot more than a couple people there were a bunch of out of work actors and actresses and guys who had made like B movies like directors of B movies back in the 70s who just found themselves bellied up to the

0

137.478 - 158.1 Krissy Hoadley

tang bar to the tang bar top and just hanging out regaling people with stories of old hollywood i mean tangs just i can only imagine i bet that place that the walls could talk i want to hear about tank is there a documentary about tanks everything is a documentary i think i have a documentary I need a documentary about Tommy Tangs.

158.12 - 160.282 Bryan Green

That's what I need. I know, that would be very interesting.

160.342 - 170.614 Krissy Hoadley

Oh, Chrissy, I'm just so disappointed that I never got to a Tangs. I mean, really. I've been to the Rusty Nail, though, and the Rusty Nail might be a good substitute for Tommy Tangs.

170.674 - 172.496 Bryan Green

That place finally closed. Jeez.

172.616 - 181.146 Krissy Hoadley

It did. Yeah, the one here on Roswell Road in Atlanta. Is the one out on Beaufort Highway still open? Or not Beaufort, whatever that is. Yeah, I think it's Beaufort Highway.

Chapter 3: How does the podcast review the Mountain Monsters episode?

181.226 - 182.407 Bryan Green

Oh, I thought there was just one.

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182.508 - 189.922 Krissy Hoadley

No, there's two of them. The Roswell Road one, I believe, was the original. That opened in the 70s, 80s?

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190.463 - 190.984 Unknown

Had to be.

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191.305 - 203.547 Krissy Hoadley

Had to be. Because when you walk in there, the Rusty Nail was the diviest of dive bars. Some people will claim that Northside Tavern is the diviest of dive bars. But Northside Tavern, in its own way, is cosmopolitan.

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203.527 - 205.771 Bryan Green

Yeah, they have live music.

206.072 - 224.849 Krissy Hoadley

Eric Clapton is played by it. It's not that divey, right? It's a dive bar, no doubt. And it's like, you know, you're listening to some of the greatest musicians on earth make their way to Northside Tavern. But there's pool tables in the middle of the dance floor. I mean, and there's a bar that barely looks like a bar. It looks like someone built it with their own two hands on a Saturday afternoon.

224.87 - 228.314 Krissy Hoadley

That's right. I think that's probably the case. Out of old wood scraps from the back of a Home Depot.

228.334 - 230.697 Bryan Green

The bathrooms are crazy. Oh, yeah. There's graffiti everywhere.

230.737 - 231.338 Krissy Hoadley

It's terrible.

Chapter 4: What are the characteristics of the Raven Mocker discussed?

239.329 - 247.7 Krissy Hoadley

Not because of good music, but because of really bad cover music. Did they have live bands there? Oh, yes. What? At the Nail? Shit. Yeah.

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247.72 - 250.223 Bryan Green

They used to put them right out on the patio. It had the circular bar, right?

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250.355 - 251.697 Krissy Hoadley

It did have a circular bar.

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251.717 - 255.103 Bryan Green

Yeah. Rachel and I bellied up to that bar one time.

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255.123 - 278.821 Krissy Hoadley

I can't think of how many hours of my life I wasted at the Rusty Nail. Yeah. Smoking, drinking. Smoking, drinking, drugging, doing whatever. Listen, I've said this about a number of places in Atlanta, and it remains true about all those places. Club Anytime, Backstreet, and the Rusty Nail, and the Speakeasy that used to be here in Buckhead. there are only two reasons to go to the rusty nail.

279.041 - 297.051 Krissy Hoadley

You had drugs or you needed them. That was it. That was the only two reasons to go. But once you got, like, once you kind of got in the... And it was also very cliquish. Like, there were people who were hardcore nailheads. You know what I'm saying? They were the head of the nail. I mean, they were like the hammers. They were. And...

297.031 - 308.828 Krissy Hoadley

if those bar seats were almost reserved, basically reserved, and there was a couple open for randos and you had to work, you had to earn your way into a bar seat because it didn't matter what time you went there.

Chapter 5: What funny moments arise during the hunting segment?

309.128 - 328.133 Krissy Hoadley

If you went there at 12 fucking 30 on a Tuesday afternoon, the people who had reserved bar seats were already there drinking. And there was one lady, and I'll never forget her. I won't say her name here. God rest her soul if she's still alive. I think she passed away. She was in her late 60s, and she was the head blow dealer for the Rusty now.

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328.434 - 344.515 Krissy Hoadley

And I think to a large extent, the manager, the general manager, just put up with it because she knew, like everybody knew, there's no way a place like this survives unless there's a cocaine dealer in here. No way. No way people would go in there for no reason. It was, I mean... I don't know.

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344.535 - 373.897 Krissy Hoadley

I think at one point the cushions on the, whatever you call them, the boots were made purely of fry grease, spilled Jaeger. cocaine, and cigarette smoke. It was like literally that was the place. The carpets had never been changed. The walls had never been changed. It used to be, they didn't do this by the time I started getting there, but when they first opened, all of the walls were wood.

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374.137 - 395.933 Krissy Hoadley

There was wood paneling on the inside of it. Yeah. And at each table, they would have a wood burner, like one of those things where you could carve your name into the wood with a hot gun. It's just like a thing that would heat up to the surface temperature of the sun, and then you just burn your name into it. So no matter where you sat, there was always something had been written by somebody.

0

395.953 - 413.354 Krissy Hoadley

And then people just started using markers after a while. But they had dart boards that had never been changed. Like you'd throw the dart and it would just fall. It'd go right into the bullseye, but it'd just fall down because there were a million holes in the middle of it. Never changed it. Of course, they had one of those, not Topgolf, but Golf Pro, whatever that fucking game is.

413.374 - 415.377 Unknown

Yeah, yeah, what was that? Golden Tee.

Chapter 6: How do the hosts react to the supernatural elements in the show?

415.397 - 423.35 Krissy Hoadley

Golden Tee, that's right. Golden Tee, and that was a hot ticket. If you could manage to scoot your way into the Golden Tee, you'd be there for days because you were coked up and nothing better to do.

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423.37 - 423.75 Bryan Green

Exactly.

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424.051 - 425.593 Krissy Hoadley

Right, but that lady at the end of the bar.

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425.613 - 427.376 Bryan Green

There was a bar in Nashville that was very similar.

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427.476 - 451.153 Krissy Hoadley

Yeah, but it was tiny, too. It was like 1,000 square feet. There were like five booths. four tables in the middle, two bar tops, two bar tables, and then that circular bar that maybe sat 20 people, maybe sat 20 people. And then there was a couple of televisions, and those televisions were the furthest thing from flat screen you had ever seen. They still had UHF dials on them.

451.393 - 469.034 Krissy Hoadley

You could tune in UHF channels on those things. And so you'd have to work your way into the respect of the people who were there. Yeah, you would. Or you'd walk in there and people would look at you strange. They would. They'd be like, who's this kid? And when you were young, they'd look at you a certain way. But eventually, you'd get an introduction to the dealer.

469.254 - 486.34 Krissy Hoadley

You'd have to go through other people. And then eventually, you'd get the introduction to the actual lady. And then you could just kind of go up and talk to her yourself. But this went on for years and years and years. I'll never forget. There was a guy who would... When we worked at the restaurant across the street from the Rusty Nail, the Trattoria, the Italian restaurant.

487.341 - 488.363 Unknown

Chianti Classico.

488.383 - 490.947 Krissy Hoadley

Chianti Classico. We had a bar manager there.

Chapter 7: What are the hosts' opinions on the authenticity of Mountain Monsters?

490.967 - 493.572 Krissy Hoadley

We had a manager there, not a bar manager, but a general manager.

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493.592 - 499.121 Bryan Green

Okay, so look, I'm sorry. I was looking at Rusty Nail while you were talking, and they closed. They were open for 50 years.

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500.964 - 502.126 Krissy Hoadley

So they did open in the 70s.

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502.827 - 503.348 Bryan Green

Yeah.

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503.368 - 504.149 Krissy Hoadley

Yeah.

504.269 - 506.453 Bryan Green

Wow. After 50 years on Beaufort Highway.

507.007 - 531.118 Krissy Hoadley

Okay, and then they closed the one in Roswell, and I think that one was open probably equally as long. So... When we worked at that Trattoria, there was a manager there. His name was Mike. And he was this slick talking guy from Chicago, mustache and everything, salt and pepper hair, kind of like diminutive, small guy. But he was a sober guy. He had been sober for like 10 years.

531.278 - 543.088 Krissy Hoadley

And he was like hardcore sober, like preaching the AA thing all the way. You know, ah, you kids are going to get yourself in trouble running all around like that. And we'd be like, okay, okay, whatever. He fell off the wagon one time.

543.575 - 544.015 Bryan Green

Oh, no.

Chapter 8: What closing thoughts do the hosts share about their experiences?

562.897 - 582.705 Krissy Hoadley

Relapse is part of recovery. You don't worry about it. You know, I got it. Don't worry. I'll be sober in a couple of days. Okay. So this Bender went on for quite some time, like a couple of weeks. It was a Bender. He'd come in hammered at work. He'd be drinking behind the bar. He'd go back to the nail. He had a wife and kids, too. Drove around a Lincoln town car. That's the kind of guy this was.

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583.006 - 605.729 Krissy Hoadley

Right. Always dressed nice. Smokes it never without a cigarette in his mouth. Like just classic Chicago guy. Chicago guy. And one time I was staying, I was living with these dancers, these strippers. I was living with these dancers. I had just moved in a couple weeks ago. It's like 4, 5 in the morning, and the phone rings. And we're up. Of course we're up. We're up. Phone rings.

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605.749 - 630.891 Krissy Hoadley

One of the dancers answers it, and she goes, Brian, it's for you. And I had just moved in, so I didn't even know anybody knew the number. And I was like, hello? Ready? Hey there, Brian. It's Mike. Oh, hey, man. Mike. Hey, man, listen, how you doing? Yeah, I'm good. How'd you get this number? One of your friends gave it to me and just giving you a call. Okay, thanks, Mike.

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630.911 - 651.302 Krissy Hoadley

Hey, listen, you doing all right? Yeah, you just asked me that. Is everything okay? Yeah, I'm okay. You okay? Yeah, I'm fine. All right, cool. Listen, you remember how one time you told me you could get like a couple pounds of cocaine from somebody? No. Yeah, remember we were talking that one time you told me you could get me a couple pounds of cocaine.

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651.322 - 671.334 Krissy Hoadley

All I had to do was like call you and figure it out for me. No, Mike, I don't ever recall telling you that I could get you any amount of cocaine, let alone pounds of cocaine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember we had to nail that one time and you said there was that girl at the bar and she could, you know, she hook you up with a couple pounds of cocaine. No, I don't. So you've never done cocaine.

671.354 - 673.377 Krissy Hoadley

You don't buy or sell cocaine?

673.658 - 673.718

No.

673.968 - 689.04 Krissy Hoadley

No, I don't. Okay. All right. Well, listen, try and make some calls for me and call me back at this number. He's like giving me a number. Exactly. And I hang up the phone and I'm like, what the?

689.02 - 707.367 Krissy Hoadley

fuck was that yeah so i tell the girls what just happened and they're like he got busted and he's trying to roll over on somebody and he's trying to roll over on you and i was like whoa people really hate me that's fucked up that's fucked up oh my god

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