Chapter 1: What are the highlights from the Snoop & Flava Olympics?
Good morning. I'm collecting CDs. So if you have any CDs for sale for free and you live near Takara, give me a call on 021-151-6365. 021-151-6365. If you like my videos on Facebook and Instagram, please let me know. The power is yours. On this episode of The Commercial Break.
But what kind of mother lets their child drive a slingshot down 38? And knowing that that's completely illegal. It can't be legal.
And she's all the way in the back.
Ten rows back. Not even like the seat behind where she could say, oh, son, be careful. No, ten rows back. Where once you get going more than five miles per hour, you can't hear shit because they're wide open.
The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.
First show break, I'm Brian Gray, and this is my dear friend and co-host of this show, Kristen Joy Holdley. Best to you, Kristen. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe, the Snoop Doggy Dog, and yeah, boy, Olympics continue. Flame on flame. No, Snoop Dogg, I swear, is like the mascot of the Olympics. It's so amazing. I can't get enough of him.
You know, I got to say, when they first announced, NBC announced that Snoop Dogg would be the, like... a guy, you know, one of the commentators on the Olympics. I thought to myself, what a shitty publicity stunt. And Snoop, who I love, who I've always loved. Love his music, love his attitude, love his personality. I was like, Snoop, nah, don't do that, man. You're just gonna fucking...
Anyway, I was wrong. Snoop is good. He is good at the Olympics. And man, how do they get him everywhere they need to get him? I know. He's like at the Palace of Versailles and down at the gym and up at the pool and over at the racquetball court. I just don't understand how they get him. He has to have a helicopter. He has to have a helicopter. I'm sure. That's it.
So I saw him and Martha Stewart doing a thing. What an unlikely pair that is.
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Chapter 2: What experiences did Bryan have during his TCB in PCB?
You know what I'm saying? It's really weird. That's a good thing. But a lot of stuff has happened since. Right.
There has been a lot of stuff that happened.
Including the commercial break, which may have indirectly saved or not saved our marriage. I'm not sure. I'm not sure which one. We just got back from vacation, which was very nice. I know. I'm so excited. I'm at prime tan mode right now. You are.
You're looking very bronze.
I'm almost as dark as the curtains behind me. I'm almost purple.
You're loving it.
I know you're loving it. We went down to the golden beaches of PCB.
Oh, PCB.
panama pcb pcb pcb yeah uh yeah panama city and you know if you're a southeastern person then you know panama city is you know you know i i k y n k d y which astor keeps posting on instagram to make fun of me i fucking hate it uh So if you live in the Southeast, and maybe if you don't, I don't know, then you know Panama City Beach.
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Chapter 3: What challenges did Bryan face with beach access on vacation?
May or may not have lost your salt shaker, if you know what I mean.
uh so we take a left to get on that beach access road and i thought to myself it's been 25 fucking years since i have been here me too it's been a long time clearly they have like dolled it up right there's chip and joanna gaines gonna be it's like a chip and joanna gaines renovation has happened on pcb in the 25 years i've been there not a fucking thing has changed not a fucking thing
There are so many out-of-business arcades and dry cleaners and golf cart rental places and go-kart racing places on that beach access. It's like, is this beachfront property that people are just sitting on waiting for the right developer to come along and eat it up? Or really, is the value of this property so low?
I didn't have any really shuttered businesses.
Oh, they're all over the place. They're left and right. There's empty buildings all over the place. The Holiday Inn that I went to. Oh, yeah. When I went on my epic spring break vacation where I almost got my ass kicked and ended up just huffing a bunch of whipped cream cans the whole time. That epic spring break vacation, we stayed at that Holiday Inn.
It's still there. And at that time. I stayed at it, too, years ago.
At that time, I thought, wow, they need to like slap a fresh coat of paint on this thing. It looks old. Well, I tell you what, Chrissy, it still hasn't been painted, still hasn't been updated. It's insane to me. It's insane to me that you can have a beach with such beautiful beaches and not have the beauty, the like aesthetic follow through to the rest of the town.
Do you think it's because like the money kind of moved out of Panama City Beach up into the other area?
Yeah, it moved directly to the left is where it moved. Directly to the left. They couldn't be bothered with Panama City. They all went up 38, 10 miles to Rosemary Beach, to whatever you call it. I don't even know what you call it. I think Destin, in between Destin and Panama City, there's this thing that people are now referring to as 38. Let me tell you about 38, kids. It is overcrowded.
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Chapter 4: How does Bryan manage trying to wrangle kids on vacation?
And for those of you that don't know, the Brian look is I just put on a little smile and I, you know, buddy chum up to somebody. And then I slyly ask for their card. Hey, pal. Hey, bud. See you out here working hard. Hey, what's it like to be a doorman? How do you do that? How do you get in that line of business? I'm a famouse podcaster. But I'm looking to get into the doorbell business.
How do you do that?
Doorbell business.
How do you do that? So I see one of these valet guys running around. He's a little bit older, probably older than me, working hard, sweating his ass off because it's 1,006 degrees down in Florida right now. And so I see him like he does a little work and then he's got a big rack, you know, big push cart full of luggage.
He's waiting for somebody and I can kind of see him like, you know, standing there just waiting on somebody. So I walked in and be like, hey, sir. Yeah. I go, hey, man, it's a beautiful hotel you got here. Really gorgeous property here. And he goes, yeah, thanks. I appreciate it. How long have you been working here? Oh, I don't know, about 10 years or something like that.
Oh, I didn't even know this was here 10 years ago. Yeah, I opened it about 10 years ago and I've been working here. I'm like the lead door guy, the lead valet guy. And I go, oh, yeah, yeah, okay, cool, cool. Hey, listen, I have a quick question for you. Is everybody having trouble getting on the internet right now, or is that just me? And he's like, what?
And I go, listen, I got some friends are staying here at the beach, and they're down at the beach, but I can't text them because I can't get through on the cell phone. So I was just wondering, how do you get access to that beach? And he goes, you can't. And I go... What do you mean you can't? And he goes, well, all the beaches are private on 30A for probably about 10 miles.
And I go, they all have gated access like this? And he goes, yeah. And I go, is there any way? And he goes, no. I didn't even get through the sentence. He goes, no, I'm sorry. He goes, I actually can't let people on that beach unless you're staying here at the hotel. And I go, oh, okay.
Well, I'm not staying here at the hotel, but what do you think the best way to get access to that beach if you're not at the hotel? And he's like, have a card. And I was like, but what if I don't have a card? Yeah. I go, what if I don't have the card, but I'm meeting somebody here? And he goes, he just shrugs his shoulders. And I was like, dick. I was like, dick. My Brian look did not work.
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Chapter 5: What went wrong during Bryan's ill-fated beach vacation?
And I was like, I did it. I did it. Yes. So now I am furiously waving at Astrid, who's not paying attention to me because, you know, she's got three kids on her shoulder. I'm furiously waving to her like, get down here. Come on, come on. And Astrid's like shrugging her shoulders. What? What? And so I'm trying to text her, but the texting doesn't work because there's no cell phone store.
Right. So are you just sitting there holding the gate open?
I'm standing there holding the gate open. And now more people are coming and more people are coming out. And I'm like, oh, God, I'm gonna look like this asshole who's just holding the door for everybody. So luckily, a couple of people slide by, but they don't, you know, they don't really say anything. Maybe they were also trying to sneak in too. They're like, look, that guy's done it.
Yeah, he did it. Let's do it. And so you got to understand how close the houses are. They're like literally a foot and a half apart. This is what they call like R2 zoning, which means you only need 2,000 square feet on a particular property. And so they're cluster homes, right? They're right next to each other. You could reach out and grab your neighbor's salt shakers, how close these places are.
But I look up because there's two buildings right next to this access. And I look up and there's like an older couple standing on their balcony, like looking at me.
Monitoring.
Monitoring. So I just like, I don't know why I said this because they didn't say anything to me. I go, I'm waiting for my wife.
Right.
I'm guilty. I'm already guilty. I got a guilty conscience. And so finally Astrid is like, she can't understand what I'm saying. So I just can't stand there holding the door the whole time. I look like a real fucking doofus. I'm waving people that are two blocks away and they can't, they're not going to get here faster. So I go, okay, if I did it once, I can do it again. Let me slam the door.
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Chapter 6: What is the story behind the slingshot Bryan encounters?
And now the kids are, I want to go to the beach. I want to go to the beach. And I'm like, come on, let's go. And so finally she reluctantly says, okay. So she starts to take the kids toward the beach, but now we don't have the beach gear with us. It's in the car. So I'm like, hey, I'll go get the beach gear. You go take the kids. I run to the car.
I come back around the corner and I can see Astrid's opening the door. And I'm like, What happened there? How did that happen? Did she get a key? Did she get a better reaction from the doorman? Turns out the door was broken somewhere. Opened on its own. We just found a weak spot in the security system. Yes, you did. Oh, my God. I was sneaking around and Astrid just opened it.
She just went, dream. You're holding it open, too. So we get to the top of the boardwalk. We're looking down. You can walk down the stairs and get onto the beach. We're looking down. And then we start to look around and we realize there are no showers anywhere up and down the beach. They do not have showers to discourage people from doing exactly what we're doing.
You mean the showers that get the sand off?
Yes, they don't have them. Really? And now I remember, I've stayed in Rosemary Beach on multiple occasions, and they don't have them. And I honestly think it's to discourage people from doing what we're doing. Because if you're staying on property, if you're staying on Rosemary Beach, you've got an outdoor shower. It's just like standard practice to build those things in there.
You've got an outdoor shower. You're a walk away from your house. You can figure it out. You won't be uncomfortable for an hour and a half in the car, sandy, salty, and complaining because I'm sunburned. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, fuck this. So Astrid and I have a quick parental discussion. And then we disappoint the kids by saying, come on, we're going to go back to PCV.
You didn't even go after all that?
We didn't even go. We didn't even step foot on the sand. Because I think it was a smart parental decision. Because if you're going to have sandy, salty, fucking shitty ass crabby children in your car for an hour, that's no fun. You just don't want that. Plus, you don't want your car all sandy and salty. You know how hard it is to get sand out of a car?
You know how many times I've taken that car down to fucking a beach, and a year later, there's still sand in the crevice? Oh, yeah, you can't get sand. No.
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Chapter 7: How does Bryan investigate his vacation neighbors?
And if you haven't pre-planned it already, then you're just going to Rosemary to see what Rosemary's all about. So, otherwise, very beautiful village they've built there on the beach. Love the concept, but it's just way overcrowded.
My understanding is all of the 38 beaches are now like that because Instagram, that's why, because Instagram and fucking TikTok and everybody fucking, you know, has that one shot where there's nobody on the beach, the water is blue, and it's white sands as far as you can see because they took it at 5.30 in the morning and then cropped out everybody in the background.
There's thousands of people down there. Thousands. Tens of thousands.
Yeah.
So we head over back to our side of town, the wrong side of the tracks where we belong. The other side. Yeah, the other tracks where we belong, or my kind belongs. And we stayed at this place. Which I won't name by name, but you've already figured it out. I do have to say, it's a tiny little resort, quote unquote.
And what they've got is they've got houses, they've got what they call cottages, and then they've got what they call bungalows, which is the smallest version of this. And the bungalow is this. A bungalow is you walk into the, there's a nice little porch with the big Christmas lights, you know, the big bell lights on the porch.
I love those.
beautiful furniture on the front porch so you can just sit but you're looking at a cul-de-sac of other houses not like you're overlooking the beach we were overlooking a cul-de-sac of other houses in a parking lot so but whatever who cares who gets a shit and then you walk into the front door and there is a nice size family room couch couple chairs tv desk you know uh little air little table nice little area then there's a tiny little kitchen you've got a stove uh
You've got a margarita machine, a margarita machine.
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Chapter 8: What lessons does Bryan learn from his vacation experience?
It takes you about a total of... A good lazy river is great, though.
Can be good. Here's the great part. The pool had lots of chairs. It was not crowded at all. Anytime we went, it was not crowded. So that was fantastic. Both pools are heated, which is not necessarily what you need in Florida, but it's what you didn't know you did want in Florida. Do you know what I'm saying?
Do you know what I'm saying? Are you sure they were heated or it was just so hot?
No, they were heated. No, they were definitely heated, especially that lazy river. That lazy river was jacuzzi hot. It was jacuzzi hot. It was like a jacuzzi river, you know?
Okay.
So I said, okay, I'll take the kids to the pool and we'll get them one night. They have two water slides. We're not talking about anything super fancy, a couple of spins around and then you're back in the water.
The pool at no point is more than four and a half feet deep, but my children are at that point where they're swimming okay, but not at the point where you want to let them go down the slide by themselves and then fend for themselves as that water comes. Yeah. Torrid-ing down, right? As they splash into the water and then that water just whips them around. So I'm like, okay, let's go.
This pool is big enough. It's like one of those walk-in pools. You know what I'm saying? It looks like a beach, but there's no sand. You just walk right in.
Yeah.
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