Chapter 1: Why does Bryan consider Season 3 his favorite?
If you asked me to pick a season that was my favorite to do here in the room, it would be season number three. Why, pray tell, Brian, was season number three your favorite to do? Well, quite frankly, I think we broke down a video like every single episode, making it extraordinarily easy. Sit back, watch TV, make fun of some goofballs with my best friend Chrissy.
Now, that was not a sustainable podcast model for a thousand episodes. But as far as shits and giggles are concerned, there was lots of shitting and lots of giggling in season numero tres. So as we roll on with the TCB season lottery, as Chrissy and I complete our 12th vacation of the year, I honestly have no idea what's coming. Well, that's not true.
Chapter 2: What random episode did Bryan pick for this season?
I'm lying a little bit. Because all of these files are stacked on a server. And at one time, we were putting the names of the episodes on the covers of the episode, like the thing you see on Spotify or Apple. The cover for that particular episode had the name. So I managed to sneak a peek. I know everyone's going to be delighted at the completely random episode I picked.
I'll give you a little hint. Rawr!
Enjoy. They are now going back on the conclusion we have all rightly drawn about the shape of the planet we live on. And by people, I mean idiots. On this episode of The Commercial Break.
Christian 104? Yeah, I need maintenance. Yes, ma'am. What's the problem? I tied Jeff up by his penis and he's hanging from the balcony. It's turning purple. Can you get up here quickly? I never said I was after a Bigfoot. I'm after the all-you-can-eat Hardee's Buffet. But they won't let me in since I don't have a body.
Chapter 3: What strange behaviors are associated with Armie Hammer?
Leave the fucking talking to a minimum. Wow, discovery plus. Leave it to a minimum.
What's a minimum exactly? Is it three to five sentences? How many do you want in that minimum? Leave it to a minimum. I just don't want to make anybody upset, so we can get some clarity on that. Do you have a memo? The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.
Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the Commercial Break. I am Brian Greene. This is my dear friend and co-host, Kristen Joy. Hopefully best to you, Kristen.
Best to you, Brian.
And best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us on yet another episode of this, the Commercial Break. They keep coming, Chrissy. We keep making them. It's not for everybody, but fact, news, or fiction is guaranteed in 30 seconds or less. Go to the tcbpodcast.com website to collect your earnings. How are we not? How have we missed? How is it possible?
that we have not discussed, Armie fucking Hammer.
Yeah, I was reading about this.
Do you know what the fuck is going on with this guy?
I was reading about it a little while back. It's bizarre.
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Chapter 4: How do love bombing and manipulation manifest in relationships?
I'm 15 minutes in to this Netflix, or is it not Netflix? Discovery documentary about Armie Hammer called House of Hammer. I am 15 fucking minutes in, and I am highly disturbed.
Highly disturbed. It's very bizarre.
He's a cannibal. He wants to eat people. He wants to tie them up and eat people. There's no fun to be made of this. But there's this one girl that he meets these chicks online and he starts intensely love bombing them. Every minute of the day he's texting them. This one girl described it. There was no possible room for anything else in my life because I was in constant communication with Armie.
Meanwhile, he's fucking married. Yeah, I know. And one of the girls that he liked some photograph that she took years ago, Instagrams her. They start getting into a relationship and then he texts her the following. I have this fantasy that I'll tie you up in the middle of a park and you can be free to anybody that walks by. Yes, I read that. Like, to have sex with anybody that walks by. I know.
That's so wild. That's wild. That's insane. Now, people have weird fetishes.
Yes. Totally get it, right? We discussed them on the show before.
We've discussed all of them. I think we've covered every fetish possible.
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Chapter 5: What bizarre events occur during the Mountain Monsters episode?
We missed that one. We missed tying you up and letting you have sex with everybody in the park.
Yeah.
That is insane. That's insane. And then he's talking about cutting people up and eating them like he wants. Cannibalism is a fetish of his.
Yes.
This guy is like, he's out there, man.
I know. And it's a whole backstory, too, with like his family.
The Hammers owned Occidental Petroleum, which was a $16 billion company back in the 70s when $16 billion meant something.
It was like trillions.
But all of the males in that family all have these dark, twisted, weird... They're all...
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Chapter 6: How does the team react to the kidnappers in the show?
Of all the things that are weird about this story, this is it. He is literally the heir to a billion dollar fortune. And he's living in the Cayman Islands selling timeshares at like a resort.
Okay. Strange.
Hey, do you want to buy a timeshare? Do you mind if I eat your toe? Is it okay if I eat your toe? I'll tell you what, I'll give you a 10% discount if you let me bite off your nipple. Just a nipple. One. I'll give it back to you when I'm done. So fucked up. He's into this like Japanese rope tying. It's called like shakudo or something.
That was on the Netflix show, The Sex Room Show. Oh, yeah.
I haven't watched it, but I know what you're talking about.
They showed how to do that on there. The shakudo or whatever it is. Jeff and I were watching. Sudoku.
That's Sudoku.
You do a Sudoku puzzle.
You do a Sudoku puzzle, and then you cut the circulation off to your left breast.
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Chapter 7: What humorous moments arise from the Mountain Monsters narrative?
I know.
Sorry, hon.
I don't know how to get you down. I don't know if I would feel confident in my knotting skills. I can see. I can see.
Hi, this is Chrissy in 104. Yeah, I need maintenance. Yes, ma'am. What's the problem? I tied Jeff up by his penis and he's hanging from the balcony. It's turning purple. Can you get up here quickly? We'll send the maintenance guys right away. Yeah. Maintenance! You see how his dick's turning purple? What do we do about that? Give it mouth to mouth. It's fucking weird, man. It's fucking weird.
I don't get the violence in the bedroom thing. It just never has been anything that I'm interested in. I understand it, and I have friends who are into it. I one time lived with a dominatrix and a... What do you call a submissive? When I was in a band for two weeks, we all lived in this house. I became their singer like ā Yeah, it was a band house. It was so bad.
I mean it was just like ā it was a typical band going nowhere situation.
Right.
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Chapter 8: What insights do Bryan and Chrissy share about the entertainment industry?
They were looking for ā I told you this.
It wasn't the Grateful Dead. No. Their house in San Francisco.
It wasn't ā no. It could have been had we had any actual people that wanted to listen to the music. It could have been. Those guys, the second they started playing music, they were filling arenas. It's crazy, their story, right? That's just one of those kismet-type things. But they put out this newspaper. I told you the story. They put out this newspaper in one of those creative loafing.
They put an ad. I showed up. The guy didn't expect me to show up. Then I sat around. I became their singer overnight, and they asked me to come live with them. And so I live with them basically in 24 hours. I go from, you know, living in a corner somewhere to living in this band house with a bassist.
I always was kind of dressed weird, like in some leather with lipstick and eyeshadow and painted fingernails. Back at a time when that was strange. Back at a time when that was not the norm. But I thought it was cool. But what I didn't realize is about a week in, his girlfriend, who was beautiful, would come in all dressed in patent leather. And I started hearing noises in the back room.
It was his house we all lived in. I started hearing noise in the back room. And the drummer, him and I were like sitting in the living room watching TV or something. And I'm like, what is going on with, you know, schnitzel tits and his girlfriend back there? He goes, oh, you don't know. But she's a dominatrix and he's a submissive. So there's some stuff going on back there.
You know, we just kind of ignore it. We let it run. It is his house.
Yeah, it is his house.
And so he would go to the kitchen and she would have him on a leash. It was fucked up, Chrissy.
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