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Chapter 1: What is the concept of TCB Season Roulette?
Well, hey there, cats and kittens. Welcome back to another enthralling episode of TCB Season Roulette. I've been calling it TCB Season Lottery. I should have called it TCB Season Roulette from the beginning. Man, does that roll off the tongue. What was I thinking? Nothing I can do now. The episodes are out the door, and it's entirely too much effort for me to go back and do it again.
So I look in the mirror and I say to myself, pishaw, Brian, pishaw. And what that means, I have no earthly idea. But it's what my very first girlfriend in fifth grade said to me. And she broke my heart, broke up with me, and started dating the star football quarterback. My life might seem like a bag of peanuts here on the commercial break, but I'm telling you what, I am a sad sack.
It has been nothing but misery since the day that that girl broke up with me. I'm still keeping an eye on you. You know who you are. You know who you are. Any hoodles doodles. Chrissy and I continue our consistent theme of season number seven, which is let's go on vacation every three weeks. In all seriousness, it's been a mishmash mixed bag in season number seven.
As Chrissy and I have had a number of personal and professional experiences I am pulling an absolutely random episode. from my server from each season for the six episodes I needed to put together while we were away. To remind the viewers at home, I have no idea what is coming up after I turn off this microphone, but I've been keeping myself posted on what I've picked so far
and I think I've done a damn good job. I'm not good at much, but picking random things, I'm really good at that. If there was a professional random picker, I might be that guy. All right, we love you very much. We'll be back next week. You'll get a fresh episode tomorrow, and then season number six, I think I am going to pick the episode because I know exactly which one I would send your way.
Let's surprise each other on this one. What in the world were Brian and Chrissy up to in 2024?
My life-changing slogan for 2024 is, I'm sorry, I'm not accepting criticism at this time. Oh, you didn't put enough salt in this. I'm sorry, I'm not accepting criticism at this time. That's a great line. You scratched my car. I'm sorry, I'm not accepting criticism. You just punched my wife. Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm not actually accepting criticism at this time.
And I know there will be people listening to this going, that's quite toxic of you. And to you I say, I'm sorry, I'm not accepting criticism at this time.
On this episode of The Commercial Break...
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Chapter 2: How did Bryan and Chrissy's vacation theme evolve?
I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this incredibly mediocre podcast, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.
Best to you, Brian.
Best to you out there in the podcast universe. I hope you had a nice Father's Day, all of you fathers out there.
Yes. Happy Father's Day to you.
Thank you. Father many times over.
I know. Did you get lots and lots of presents like 30?
Yeah, I don't know because we're recording this before Father's Day, but I would imagine... I was going with it.
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Chapter 3: What are the challenges of selecting random episodes?
Okay, thank you. I had to pull back the sheet just a little bit. But it's close. We're very close to Father's Day. We're just a day or two away. Yeah, I imagine I'll get like... I'll probably sleep in. That's nothing strange. I'll sleep in. That's nothing that doesn't happen almost on a daily basis. I don't sleep in really, really late.
But, you know, I'm a little bit later than Astrid and some of the kids. But, you know, I always say if I could get a massage and watch a little bit of golf on Father's Day, I'll feel happy. There you go. That's a good day for me.
That's a good day.
And then I just want to play with the kids. Like, I honestly just want to have fun. I do like playing with the kids. I really do.
They're so much fun to play with. They really are.
Yeah. They're a nightmare. You know?
Yeah.
They're a nightmare. Don't worry, Des. I still want you to have kids. Desbishop.net. Thanks, Des, for coming in. We certainly appreciate it. What did I want to say? I wanted to say that, you know, the... People who have puppies will, who have had puppies, this will certainly resonate with them.
There's something called the witching hour, sometimes called the crazy hour, sometimes called the whizzies or something, the whirlies, the whizzies. Like quantum hour? Yeah, it's the quantum hour.
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Chapter 4: What does being a 'travel princess' mean?
They twist and turn. And it's like a physiological response to not wanting to go to sleep. They don't know how to manage that last bit of energy. So they just go crazy.
Again, we're talking about the dog and not the kids.
Talking about the dog or the kids. I was going to say the kids I can see. But I was sharing with my friend. He says to me, hey, man, let's go out. We'll go grab a beer. Well, it's right during bedtime. And I'm like, listen, it's crazy hour around here. Because right before bed, that hour before bed, those kids get fucking nuts. I mean, they get nuts. That's what I was thinking.
You were talking about the kids.
I've seen that happen. Yes. And Chrissy, I can't, it's like the hour that my head just wants to explode because not only are they tired and just letting all that energy out, but I'm tired, but I'm a full ass grown man. And so for me, I know how to manage that. I just lay my head on the pillow and go to sleep for them. It's like, you know, they fight it every tooth and nail.
Everything is an argument. Everything is a fight. Every parent will resonate with this. Toddlers, small children fight. Fuck them. You know that book, Go the Fuck to Sleep?
Go the Fuck to Sleep. It's really funny.
That was written by a parent who understands where I am at. Understands where I'm at. Because your patience and your tolerance for all of that is just thrown out the window. You just had dinner. The baths are done. You just want them to go the fuck to sleep. But they won't do it. And I don't understand how I get them to go to sleep.
So I'm going to call the doctor and ask for Xanax like I did with Blue. Is that legal? Can I give the kids Xanax?
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Chapter 5: How do Bryan and Chrissy handle travel planning?
A night. I want you to take a month's worth of nights. That's what I want. Let my wife and I have some cuddle time alone without children jumping up in the bed because they're scared. We'll start with a night. They're tired. They're hungry. Okay. Start with a night and then I'll lock you in that room. You can take care of it. They're hungry. They're tired. They need another glass of water.
I mean, how many glasses of water do you need before you go to bed?
Well, and then they're going to have to pee.
Oh, forget about it. One night, one of my kids is on this water kick. I need some water. I need some more water. I need some more water. I need some more water. And so I keep giving the kid water because I think, well, part of your parenting is Yeah. Yeah.
and so i just keep giving the kid water but i keep saying like hey settle down you're gonna have to pee you're gonna have to pee you're gonna have to pee no no no i'm fine i'm fine let's go to the bathroom before we go to bed no no no i'm fine i'm fine i'm fine two hours later wake up and the entire bed it's like we're swimming in pee the entire bed the entire king-size bed is just soaking wet and i was like holy shit kid you got a bladder first of all second of all and then of course astrid wakes up and who does she blame first me because i gave the kid water yeah
And I'm like, what do you want me to do? Let the kid go dehydrated? And she's like, Brian, the kids live in an air-conditioned house. They drink water all day long. I'm giving them juice and snacks all day long. They're not going to die if they don't have some water. And I said, but what if they do die because they don't have water? Then I'm going to feel guilty. Fucking nightmare every time.
Oh, wow.
You know I got hit by a car today? I know. Isn't that insane?
Holy shit, that's crazy. I mean, I walk in the door today. You're like, I just got hit by a car.
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Chapter 6: What funny travel experiences did Bryan share?
You should really think, you should really give me a great Father's Day gift.
Yeah. I want a two-hour massage. Astrid was walking in at the same time I was with groceries and things and kids, and you're telling me you almost got hit, and she's like, aye, yeah. Then she's getting the groceries out.
Aye.
Yeah, she's like, well, I got a bag of potatoes from Costco. What do you want for lunch? She's probably thinking to herself, I was this close, this close to getting rid of him.
You didn't finish the job.
I'm not paying you. Okay, bye. That's right. Oh, it was scary. Of course. I mean, you versus a car, a human versus a car doesn't win.
No one's winning that one. No human is winning that one. A car coming at you at any speed is pretty scary. I mean, you know, people die all the time getting hit, I'm sure, on slower speeds. Because what happens is if you're not expecting it, I would imagine what... I mean, luckily, out of the corner of my eye, I caught it. I stared right into it.
And then I just put my hands down and just kind of jumped to the side. But, you know, you get hit and then you smack your head on the ground or something like that. Like bad things happen all the time, just like that. And I understand a little bit. when they say like your life flashed before your eyes, my life flashed before my eyes. And I said to myself, well, you did the best you could.
It wasn't so great, but you did the best you could. I thought to myself, is the commercial break all that's going to be left of me in the world?
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Chapter 7: How did Bryan's car accident story unfold?
So I said, for our winter one, it's you. Here you go. This is the place, I think, that we want to go. And you go for it. Oh, really? This is a test.
Will Jeff pass or fail the test? What grade is Jeff going to get? I want an honest answer. Once all of the travel is concluded, I want to hear what the honest answer was. Do you pack Jeff's bag? Partially, yes.
See, this is...
Jeff and I are married to the same woman. I'm sure of it. I'm sure of it.
Yeah, he just doesn't do the shirts right with the role.
I know. I don't do the shirts right and I pack too many t-shirts.
I help him whittle down the stuff too.
It's a whole fucking drama every time. So now I have reshaped my entire packing persona based on Whether or not Astrid's going to yell at me, right? That I have too much shit. And you know what? To be fair to her, 99% of the time, I'm an overpacker. I've always been an overpacker.
I am too when it comes to clothes. Yeah. Because you don't know. No, you never know. That's the thing.
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Chapter 8: What exciting announcements were made at the end of the episode?
It just gave me the thought that I had to do it before the photo shoot. It gave me a deadline. Now I have to do it before the photo shoot. And I think I did it the night before the photo shoot. But we ended up at this beautiful hotel where we ended up getting engaged. But I'm telling you right now is that that didn't leave the best taste in my mouth for Astrid's planning abilities.
So I was like, listen, I might have to take this over from now on.
Planning in another country can be tricky.
She redeemed herself a million times. She was so apologetic and so embarrassed about it. And I was like, how would you fucking, honestly, how would you fucking know? Like you wouldn't, you're planning something, you know, anything can look good with a little touch up on the photo.
Yeah, no, it's kind of, and it's tricky in planning for other countries.
It's very tricky to plan for other countries. Just listen back to the episode where I explain our experience in Spain with all the Airbnbs. It's very tricky to get it right. And that is no fault of the person planning.
That's the fault of the people saying that there's a five-star luxury house and what you get is a chicken coop in the back of the yard where the chickens just chase you around all night long with no internet, phone, or television. Unbelievable. I love that story. In the middle of this tiny little village in the middle of the north of Spain. You know, mile from city center. Mile from city center.
How? With a high-speed train? I mean, how do you get there? Maybe a mile, maybe, if you fly, but I don't happen to have wings. It took us 25 minutes to get to and from the city center. Listen, I don't mean to be a bitch about this and to rehash the old grievances I had with this particular house, but I'm telling you what.
Oh, we're coming up on a year.
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