Chapter 1: What unique experiences does Rosebud Baker share about her childhood?
Hey, Podcast Universe. I wanted to drop in so you didn't think you got stuck in some holiday hot tub time machine when listening to this episode. I figured I'd wait till the January blues were in full effect before dropping our conversation with the darkly hilarious Rosebud Baker on you. If you hear us mentioning the upcoming holidays or the new year, that's the reason why.
This was recorded a couple of weeks ago. So now you know, and knowing's half the battle. Now go on, get. Listen to this episode. Number 461 for those keeping score of the commercial break.
Here's the thing. My sister drowned in a jacuzzi, which is a very festive place to drown. It throws off the story, you know? It's like getting shot in the head with a t-shirt cannon. Like, a jacuzzi's where I lost my virginity to make it special. And she took that from me. So who's the real victim? It was like the first Christmas after my sister died.
My family put a life-sized cardboard cutout of my sister. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. She was watching us. I was like, now she's dead, and she's got to watch us open presents. Yeah. Wow.
I was like, this is so fucked up.
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Chapter 2: How did Rosebud Baker transition from writing to stand-up comedy?
To me, it was like so funny.
The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the Senior Vice President of Ho Ho Ho's Kristen Joy Oatley. Best to you, Kristen.
Best to you, Brian.
Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Kristen's back in action. We're super excited. Thanks to Tina and Christina and Astrid and Marianne and everybody that's been helping out while Kristen takes some personal time. It's good to have you, my friend.
Thank you. Good to be back.
It's good to be seen.
It's good to be seen. All that good stuff.
Yeah.
There's two things I have to talk to you about that are omnipresent on my mind right now. Number one.
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Chapter 3: What insights does Rosebud provide about working on SNL?
Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah.
I just want something salty, but I don't want any of the salty stuff that's available. I want something else. And I can't fucking figure it out. And I'm too lazy to go to the store. And I'm pissed because all I want is that salty snack. But I can't tell you what salty snack I want.
That's why I keep a bag of the peanuts, the shelled peanuts around.
Like just regular salted peanuts?
Yeah, like the ones you would get at the ballpark.
Oh, like the boiled peanuts?
Well, I love boiled peanuts, but... Oh, you get the fully shell. No, the dried, like the ones that you crack open.
Oh, you get the crack ones open?
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Chapter 4: How does Rosebud Baker use humor to cope with personal traumas?
You get the ones you got to do work for.
Yeah.
Oh, no, fuck all that. I get the salted planters.
No, because that, to me, gives me a little bit of the saltiness that I want, and I've got to do some work, so I don't eat very many of them.
Do you ever eat the shell?
I've eaten the shell.
I've eaten the shell a lot.
I am embarrassed to say it, but I'm sure we've all done it. It's fiber.
I know. There's something about that shell that just gets to me.
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Chapter 5: What are some of the challenges of being a comedian today?
I get ass. Yes, indeed, Brian. I don't know if big mouths are a trait of baseball players, but... Those big, saliva-filled mouths with those tongues that just spit everything out.
Didn't they used to do the big chew, too? That's what they're doing. The gum.
They do that with the gum. But now I think there's like a nicotine-related something that they put in their mouth. Okay. You know, guys used to smoke cigarettes down in the dugout. And managers do it. As a matter of fact, I think it was... I don't want to say the wrong name, but I think...
I think it was Dusty Baker that got caught smoking a cigarette during a playoff game in the dugout not too long ago. But it was some manager of a baseball team. He was smoking a cigarette in the dugout while they were in the middle of the game.
Are you sure it was a cigarette? It was. It could have been a marijuana.
It could have been a hot toddy.
Where was this game being played?
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Chapter 6: How does Rosebud Baker view the evolution of her comedy style?
Was it in California or Colorado?
Well, I don't know that much about the story I even told. I just know that someone got caught smoking something. Okay.
uh what was this ginger ginger yes wrap it up smoke a ginger smoke ginger i mean i bet there's guys out there who are doing dibbity dabs while they're playing i know they get p tested and everything like that but if you're living in california it's probably against every contract rule that you have to do anything marijuana related while you're on the team's time but i gotta imagine there's quite a few of those guys who are dibbing and dabbing while they're
Yeah, you know, you play baseball for a living. It's got to be a tough thing to do.
I'm not saying that... It helps with the anxiety, depending on what strain.
It helps you just get through the fucking season. 169 goddamn games. Can you imagine?
It's like us. We're playing a baseball season. That's right.
We got to do 172. We got to go post-season. We're the girls of fall, apparently. The girls of fall? The girls of fall. Well, I'm just going to throw myself into the girl pile. You should. There's no hiding it anymore.
There's enough estrogen around you.
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Chapter 7: What does Rosebud reveal about her Netflix special, Verified Stand-Up?
You seem to be very interested in Jeff's balls.
Oh, Jeff's balls got me hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. You don't understand.
They're naked cooking.
Sometimes I have that little baby monitor.
I was laughing to myself the other day.
You were naked cooking?
No, no, I was not naked cooking. I was laughing about the naked cooking because literally I could not naked cook because... You would burn every... Well, yeah, I burned myself too much. There's oil that splatters out. There's, you know, different things and whatever. Naked cooking, I don't know. Naked drink serving. Okay, that's... And, you know, apron and heels.
But I feel like Jeff's testicles have been through a lot. Like, I think he could handle if he got a little splashy oil on his balls. You know what I'm saying? I take a dick and keep on licking. Oh, yeah.
I don't think that feels good at any point to be splashed with oil.
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Chapter 8: What future projects does Rosebud Baker have planned?
But when you lift it up, it still splatters. So I have on goggles and gloves.
When I was working at Mickey D's, I saw somebody slip and put their hand into a grease vat. Yeah. I mean, I didn't actually see that. I saw him pull his hand out and I quickly turned away, quickly turned away. But I've never heard a scream like that in my entire life.
No, I've had third degree burns and it takes a while to recover.
Yeah, this guy was gone. He just left. I mean, I don't know. I don't know whatever happened to him.
He was rushed off by an ambulance.
Yeah, but it was a busy Saturday. So we just kept cooking the McChickens in that fried chicken. Don't worry about it. The skin is the best part. That's what they say. The crispy skin. The crispy skin. All right. Number two thing that's on my mind. I think we've reached peak TikTok. And let me explain why we've reached peak TikTok.
I pulled up to the gas station the other day, the Shell or whatever it is. You know, they got those damn screens on the gas stations now. And they follow you around. As soon as you put in your credit card, they know what you're interested in, right? The credit card company gives them all the relevant information.
I immediately get back into the car.
Yeah.
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