Chapter 1: What happens on election day in the podcast?
I've been keeping this a secret for years, but I think it's finally time to come clean. I don't like your attitude.
On this episode of the Commercial Break.
Oh, okay. Do you want to give us any detail on that, Stephen? Or do you just want to let us know that 48 hours later, everybody knew about it?
I want to know what you did, Stephen. What did you do? You left your household? I highly doubt that. Or she left. She left. But Stephen's twisting it. Stephen's now making a YouTube video to let everybody know what's going on.
The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now.
commercial break i'm brian green this is my dear friend and the co-host of this incredibly terrible show chris and joey hoadley best to you chris best to you out there in the podcast universe happy heidi ho how are you election day is here no tcb infomercial today we felt it was so important to bring you breaking election news that we will not be bringing a guest to you today
And here's the breaking election news. We don't have a clue either.
We don't know.
That's it. We don't know. You don't know. No one knows. It's Tuesday, Election Day. As you're listening to this, it's Tuesday, Election Day. As we're recording this, it's Monday, the day before Election Day. So everyone hotly anticipating what exactly is going to be happening with the United States of America just hours from now as the polls close. And I personally will be hiding under my bed.
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Chapter 2: What is the experience at Disney Junior Live like?
That's the thing. Blue is like Donald Trump. She's old, she's orange, and she never shuts up. I can't understand a word she says. That's it. So if you're listening to this on Election Day, go vote. There you go. One more day. If you haven't already. Although I think most people have already.
I hope so.
Yeah, I think most people kind of heeded the warning that it might be kind of a shit show on Election Day. So they just decided to...
avoid at all costs election day going to a polling place on election day and listen i'm hoping that the worst of the predictions don't come true but if they do i already voted so i'm not worried about it i'm i've already voted yeah that's it i voted so i'll be here hiding uh in my house and uh chrissy will be here with me hiding in the house recording yet another episode of the commercial break for our contractually obligated for our contractual obligations
Speaking of contractual obligations, it's important for us to remind you, it's important for us on behalf of our network to remind you that we will be live the entire holiday season. No rest for the weary here. Chrissy and I will be working through Christmas Day to bring you fresh episodes of the commercial break, including the 12 days of TCB, our first annual, our first annual.
Yeah, there's no first annual.
I think you have to do it to actually be annual. It's our very first.
It's inaugural.
It's inaugural. It's the inaugural 12 days of TCB, December 13th through the 25th. So gather around the tree, open presents. Turn on TCB. Brian, talk about his high calcium. You'll have a ton of fun.
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Chapter 3: How does the podcast discuss the role of women in society?
So it was either you take the taxi cab and leave your car wherever it is. And to be honest with you, for drinkers and drivers, I think at the end of the day, that is like the biggest drama that you think about when making that decision is leaving your car. Now, in 2024, there never has been a good reason to drink and drive. But let's put aside that common sense thinking for just a second. There...
Back in the day when there was no Uber, it could be really difficult to get a cab, especially if you were not in a major city, to come pick you up at 2.30, 3.30 in the morning. I remember waiting at apartments, bars, restaurants. I remember waiting hours.
for taxi cabs to show up they you would call and they'd be like yeah they'll be there in two hours and when you want a taxi cab you want it then you are either so paranoid from the cocaine you've just ingested or so drunk that you're like sloppy you just want to go home you don't want to be wherever it is you're at now with uber you you're two minutes away from so nice so nice so
And the great thing about Uber and taxis and all the other things that you can kind of dial up on your phone these days, the great thing is that you can cheaply get there and back. But in my day, at least when I started drinking, my 21 years old, that wasn't a thing. So you took your car to wherever it is you were going, and then you had to make that faithful decision.
And no one ever had the fucking common sense, right? to decide ahead of time what they were going to do with the car. So it was always a debate at the end of the night. Do I leave my car here and have to come get it before work tomorrow or whatever you were doing the next day? Or do I just take the chance that the three-mile drive down the street is going to be okay, like I won't get arrested?
But of course, you know, 90% of DUIs happen within a mile of somebody's home. That's right. So I moved. That's my dad joke for the day. So it was just like a whole different animal back then. Decisions were not – you never made a decision in clear thought.
Never once did I go out with a friend and get in the car at the beginning of the night and go, what are we going to do with the car at the end of the night?
No, you just – that's where you're going.
Yeah, and that includes Chrissy Hogan. Throwing her under the bus.
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Chapter 4: What are the views of the YouTube televangelist Stephen Maxwell?
I don't care.
I didn't know if there was like a little seat that went in your lap.
No.
That they had to sit in.
Yeah. There is when you go to the – so here's the crazy part.
I learn about all these things from you.
Okay. Since I just spent 27 hours in an airplane with this kid on my lap, right, it's not a very comfortable thing. Right. And she's really squirrely. I mean, she's like not even two years old. She's really squirrely.
Every time that I have had a child in an airplane for one of those long haul international flights, they give you an attachment to the seatbelt, a basically a seatbelt on top of a seatbelt, a seatbelt that clicks on to the other seatbelt so that the kid is safe on this flight, both of them on the way there on the way back.
Both of those airline attendants looked at us and said, no, that's not going to work. Just hold on tight. Just hold on tight is the safety protocol. Hold on tight. Hold on tight. All I could think about in my head was those goddamn TikTok videos where people are flying around in the air because of the turbulence over the ocean. And I'm holding on tight to this child who will not sit still.
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Chapter 5: How does Stephen Maxwell interpret biblical texts?
I go up there. It's empty except for just a couple of stragglers, a couple of us smart people who decide that after the show starts is when we're going to the concession stand again. Thank you very much, Chrissy. I'm smart. I'm the guy who goes during the best song the band has to offer live to go get a beer because I think I'm being smart.
And then everybody for the next 10 years talks about how great that one song was, you know. the tweezer reprise by fish that was 17 minutes long. And Brian has taken a piss, smoking a cigarette and buying beers for everybody. Do you remember tweezer reprise in 93? No, I don't because I was wearing my doc Martin smelling like patchouli buying beer.
Um, so I'm waiting in line in front of one lady, one lady, there's three concession stand attendants. They are all paying attention to somebody. They're all taking care of somebody. Um, And we're in the middle line. And when it gets to this lady's turn, the attendant just takes off. She just leaves.
Lunch break.
Yeah, lunch break. See you later. Break time. See you later. No. But I think my impression of what happened because I was watching it was the lady was just going to get something. She was like refilling the cups or something. I didn't think she was gone because I thought I heard her say, hold on just one minute. That's what I thought I heard her say. Yeah.
We are not three seconds into this, and the lady in front of me is throwing a full-blown conniption fit.
Did you see the lady?
Did you see where she went? I don't want to get involved, so I'm like, I don't know. Right, yeah. What kind of person just runs off? I was standing right here. And I'm like, lady, what do you want me to do? She's talking to me. Why do you have to get me involved in your bullshit? You know what I'm saying? Don't get me involved in your drama. I don't want anything to do with it.
If you're looking for me to commiserate with you about the situation. That's what it was. There's nobody in this concession area. We had to wait exactly one second to be attended to. And it's Disney fucking Junior Live. You're not missing a goddamn thing. I can promise you. Puppy Dog Pals is on every three seconds on Disney. Right.
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Chapter 6: What are the implications of Stephen's views on women?
I would actually prefer to be out in the lobby. Exactly, Chrissy.
I consider that I'm getting the good end of the stick. I'll wait for an hour if I have to. Astrid can care for the kids. What do I need? A lap seat. Let the kids sit on my seat. I don't care. This lady starts fussing and moaning. There are two other people being attended to on the left and the right. And she is like butting in. She's like moving her body right in front of the other person.
Excuse me. Excuse me. I was here. I was here first. And then that lady took off. I was here. And I was like, holy shit. This is what's wrong with this country. This is what's wrong with this country. No one gives a shit. You are not special or privileged. You were not born with any special right to be attended to before anybody else.
A little situation has happened, and you could have handled it much more delicately than this.
You could have said... It's the old rev down.
It's the old rev fucking down, says the guy who's yelling and screaming into the microphone. You could have just been a polite human being and said, excuse me, did the lady close her lane or do I need to get into another line? That's all that needed to be said. But she is literally scooting her body first to the right. Then the lady at the right is like, I really don't know. I'm sorry.
Then she moves to the person on the left and she's like, excuse me, I was here first. And then that lady left and I need something. And the guy was like, hey, listen, hold on one second and I'll address you. Chrissy, she is now disturbed. The six of us that are in line for this, she's now disturbed everybody. We're all really irritated.
So she turns around to me again and is like, can you believe this? And I said exactly, almost exactly what I just said to you. I said, it's really not that big of a deal. There's just a couple people in line. You'll get attended to in just a minute. And she was like, she looks at me. She didn't agree. She didn't agree whatsoever.
But I thought it was important to point out that you're really acting like a dum-dum for no fucking reason whatsoever. Again, Disney fucking Junior, not Bruce Springsteen's last concert ever. You know what I'm saying? This isn't the Beatles reunite from heaven. This is Disney Junior Live. No one's upset.
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Chapter 7: What humorous anecdotes are shared regarding parenting?
Like you, you can start the world to be a little less ugly by being a little less ugly. That's it. All you had to do was just ask politely, what's going on? We were standing in line. The lady left. Is she off? Do I need to stand into another line or should I continue to wait? And by the way,
After five full minutes of her having a conniption fit, she ran off into another concession stand altogether. She, like, threw a fit and then just left. And guess what? And the lady came back. The lady came back, and there I was, ready to be served. Of course. Can I get another $686 worth of popcorn, Lay's potato chips, and lemonade? Thank you very much. Your card has been declined.
Take mercy on me. Just let me have it, please, for the love of God. Anyway.
What an experience.
Oh, it's just so much fun. These are the funnest things. We've now been to Disney Junior on Ice. Disney on Ice. Disney Junior Live. Puppy Dog Pals Live. Bluey Live.
I've been to that Disney on Ice, and that was pretty cool.
Yeah, Disney on Ice is a thing. I mean, I've now seen it like 16 times, so it's kind of the same thing over and over again.
Did you take one of the girls to go see it? No, we took my nephews.
Oh, you took your nephews to go see it. Yeah, the kids really love it. I mean, a couple of my kids, one of my kids in particular. I think it's clear to me that he has gotten too old for this because he was singing along a little bit, but he didn't get quite as excited as the younger ones did. And the whole time, all he wanted to do was ask me if he could get more candy or a toy. And by the way,
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Chapter 8: What final thoughts do the hosts have on the episode's themes?
They all had this. There's always one toy that everyone buys. It's always light up and bothers everybody else in the crowd. And I don't know why whoever runs this. It's not Disney. I think it's like a franchise that does this. But, you know, Feld Entertainment or something. I don't know why they decide to make the most annoying, obnoxious toy.
for every single event that they put on so that everyone else around them can be annoyed by it. It's literally a Mickey Mouse spinning super fast with five strings that have light-up Mickey Mouse heads on the bottom of it. So when you press the button, the five Mickey Mouse heads that are lit up start spinning at 100,000 miles per hour.
I told my kids before we go, this is Astrid and I, because we've learned this lesson. Under no circumstances are we going to buy any toy or souvenir. When you go to the actual Disney World or at Disney Cruise or whatever it is, you can buy an actual Disney item. This is a piece of shit that's going to cost $312. Oh, yeah.
The price gouging is crazy.
That's right. That's going to break before we even get out of this event. Well, it doesn't matter how many times you prep them for this. The second we get in the door and they see that they have to have it, they have to have it. But I hold my ground. Good for you. Until about intermission.
When I take one of the kids to the bathroom and as I'm walking back, there's like a guy standing there, you know, get your Mickey Mouse, you know, get your Mickey Mouse murder weapon here.
Swear to God, those things are going to hurt people. But he's only taking cash, like he's standing in the middle of the room screaming and yelling about these Mickey things, but he's only taking cash. So there's no line. Anywhere they take a credit card, there's a line out the door. So I just, like my soft heart goes, okay, if it's less than $20, maybe. Maybe. Excuse me, sir.
How much are the Mickey Mouse spin your fucking head off bullshit? How much is that piece of crap that was made in Taiwan? And he says, no shit. Forty two dollars. Forty two dollars. And I go, and you're only taking cash. And he goes, yes. And I go, is this why you have no line?
And he said, yes. He goes, smart guy.
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