TDS Time Machine | New Year's Resolutions
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What are the challenges of sticking to New Year's resolutions?
You're listening to Comedy Central.
The new year. It's time to challenge yourself to be a better person. In 2006, our correspondents will be sharing their personal challenges with our viewers in the new series, American Resolutions. Here to kick off the series for us is our own Rob Corddry.
Thank you so much.
Thank you, John. Thanks, John. This year, I was one of, let's say, billions of Americans who made a New Year's resolution to improve some aspect of their lives. As I found out, sticking to a resolution is a struggle requiring motivation, self-discipline, and the support of loved ones. As a young boy, I always dreamed about growing up, marrying a beautiful woman, and convincing that woman to have a threesome. And my dreams were almost fulfilled. I met Sandy, and I thought our wedding night would be the perfect time to have a threesome. I suggested Jesse, Scott, Table 3, American Idol's Randy Jackson. But Sandy wasn't buying it. And soon, my obsession started to affect our marriage. So this year I decided to do something about my problem and seek professional help.
Right after I hit the free buffet. Then I spoke with Dr. Steven Lam. Can I assume that the third party or guest is a female? Dude, chick, chick with , guy with pie, I don't care. I think it's important for you to remove the cues, the environment which induces you to start thinking about this. Simple enough, I just needed to remove the things that were fueling my fantasy. Yeah, hi, I would like to cancel Cinemax. And if I call back, don't let me reinstate it. But before I got to step two, there was one more thing I had to take care of. Yes, hello, I would like to reinstate Cinemax. Oh, come on, I was kidding before. What are you wearing? Yeah, what kind of pants? Hello? No matter what I did, I couldn't stop thinking about my problem.
Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. If I was going to succeed, I just needed to put these thoughts out of my head.
You can't go out like that.
How does Rob Corddry plan to improve his personal life?
Take your clothes off first. Three dead in a car bomb attack three miles outside of Tikrit. Mmm, three. Iraqis in the Sunni triangle awoke to chaos. It was the third attack of its kind in the last three days. It's an all-too-familiar scene this morning.
I think all this space doll stuff has gone to Gleek's head. Yeah!
Oh, totally f*** that purple monkey. Three is a magic number. Yes, it is. Nothing! News!
Get away from me, you hot purple monkey!
I was just two days into my resolution and already I was failing. I needed a new approach. I think you need to expand the sort of sexual activity that you actually have with your wife. Are you talking about the ass? Well, you need to discuss with your wife what she's actually comfortable with. If she's comfortable with it, you don't need my permission. No one's 100% comfortable with the ass. No, that takes practice. Maybe that can be next year's resolution. Thank you very much. We're back, Rob. Nicely done. And obviously, I want to introduce your wife, Sandy. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you, John. Hi, Ron. It's nice to see you. So how is the resolution going? Well, John, of course it's not easy, but with Sandy's love and support, I'm going to get through this.
And what's next for you guys? Well, I think we're just gonna go get a drink, celebrate our progress. You should come with us. You like champagne? You drink? You like champagne or? Rob Corddry and Sandy Corddry, everybody. We'll be right back after this. Sandy will be glad to know that the threesome chair can come down.
That's a threesome chair?
No. We now proudly present part two of our ongoing look at our correspondents' brave struggles to stick to their New Year's resolutions.
Tonight, we check in with Nate Corddry. Nate. Thank you, John. In 2006, I vowed to make good on a promise I make every New Year's, but never get around to actually doing. Showing them. Showing them all. Growing up small, asthmatic, and not terribly bright, I've spent 28 years being taken advantage of by others. Every January 1st, it's the same old story. I tell myself, this is the year I'm finally gonna show them, but I always wind up losing my will.
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Chapters
4 chapters
1
What are the challenges of sticking to New Year's resolutions?
0:01–2:55
2
How does Rob Corddry plan to improve his personal life?
2:55–6:16
3
What humorous insights does Rob share about seeking professional help?
6:16–13:43
4
How does Nate Corddry express his resolution to 'show them all'?
13:43–24:23
Speakers
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