Trump Demands Greenland at Davos & Literally Trashes First-Year “Accomplishments” | Simu Liu
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From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Josh Johnson.
Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Josh Johnson. We've got so much to talk about tonight. Trump thinks all North Atlantic islands look the same, office supplies are on the terror watch list, and Eric Adams keeps finding new ways to go to jail. So, let's get into the headlines. Yesterday marked one year since Trump's inauguration. That's like one and a half popes ago. RIP to a real one. I will find your killer. So Trump decided to crash the White House press briefing to tout his accomplishments, but also to do some prop comedy.
Here's the book on accomplishments. And this is something... Ooh, I'm glad my finger wasn't in that sucker. They could have done some damage, but you know what? I wouldn't have shown the pain. And I would have acted like nothing happened as my finger fell off. That was nasty. I think somebody did that.
Wait, wait, wait. First of all, is finger falling off something you think could happen to you? Is that on the menu? Like, I thought you had the best health report of all time. Now you're telling me fingers are falling off like it's autumn? Now, you might think this is just a stack of blank papers, or maybe if you're feeling generous, pictures of boobs. But this file was actually filled with Trump's accomplishments, which is why Trump treated it with the respect, care, and pride it deserved.
But look at this. Each line is something that we did. Nobody did that before. And it's big stuff, too. Look, we have the hottest country in the world.
Wow, okay. Turns out Trump hates reading more than he loves bragging. But look, whether you love what Trump's done the past year or hate it, he has been busy. Let's hear about some of these incredible accomplishments.
With bullet points like number 243. Stripped notorious crackhead and grifter Hunter Biden of his taxpayer-funded Secret Service detail.
Notorious crackhead? ! That may seem harsh, but name another famous crackhead from the last five years. I'll wait. To be fair, the bar on crackhead notoriety is pretty low. Most people don't know the names of too many crackheads. Hell, most crackheads I know don't even know their own names. But look, Donald Trump is not about the past. This man is about America's future. Bringing one crackhead to justice may have been Trump's biggest first-year accomplishment. He's been very clear about what his second-year biggest accomplishment is gonna be.
We need Greenland. All we're asking for is to get Greenland, including right title and ownership. We're talking about acquiring, not leasing, not having it short term. We're talking about acquiring. You need ownership. You really need title, as they say in the real estate business.
You heard the man. We need Greenland. We need it like, well, like Hunter Biden needs crack. All right. We're notorious Greenland heads. And that's the type of dude he is. If Trump wants something, he gets it. It's like if you went out to a bar with your friend and you saw a gorgeous woman across the bar and then he turned to you and said, I'm going home with her tonight. You may need to pay the tab because your boy's about to smash. That's just the kind of confidence Donald Trump has.
What does Trump say about his first-year accomplishments?
And that's why today he flew to Davos to explain to Europe why America should own Greenland.
No nation or group of nations is in any position to be able to secure Greenland other than the United States. It's the United States alone that can protect this giant mass of land, this giant piece of ice, develop it and improve it and make it so that it's good for Europe and safe for Europe and good for us.
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