The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Demands Greenland at Davos & Literally Trashes First-Year “Accomplishments” | Simu Liu
22 Jan 2026
Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
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You're listening to Comedy Central.
From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Josh Johnson.
Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Josh Johnson. We've got so much to talk about tonight. Trump thinks all North Atlantic islands look the same, office supplies are on the terror watch list, and Eric Adams keeps finding new ways to go to jail. So, let's get into the headlines. Yesterday marked one year since Trump's inauguration. That's like one and a half popes ago. RIP to a real one.
I will find your killer. So Trump decided to crash the White House press briefing to tout his accomplishments, but also to do some prop comedy.
Here's the book on accomplishments. And this is something... Ooh, I'm glad my finger wasn't in that sucker. They could have done some damage, but you know what? I wouldn't have shown the pain. And I would have acted like nothing happened as my finger fell off. That was nasty. I think somebody did that.
Wait, wait, wait. First of all, is finger falling off something you think could happen to you? Is that on the menu? Like, I thought you had the best health report of all time. Now you're telling me fingers are falling off like it's autumn? Now, you might think this is just a stack of blank papers, or maybe if you're feeling generous, pictures of boobs.
But this file was actually filled with Trump's accomplishments, which is why Trump treated it with the respect, care, and pride it deserved.
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Chapter 2: What does Trump say about his first-year accomplishments?
And that's why today he flew to Davos to explain to Europe why America should own Greenland.
No nation or group of nations is in any position to be able to secure Greenland other than the United States. It's the United States alone that can protect this giant mass of land, this giant piece of ice, develop it and improve it and make it so that it's good for Europe and safe for Europe and good for us.
That's right, it's huge, undeveloped, in a strategic location. It's like if your grandma had a Manhattan apartment she bought in 1950. Once she dies in it, you're gonna push her down the trash chute and live like a king. It all sounds great, but I do have one problem. We already have a treaty with Denmark that lets us build as many military bases in Greenland as necessary.
I don't know why we need to own Greenland to defend it.
You need the ownership to defend it. You can't defend it on a lease. Number one, legally, it's not defensible that way, totally. And number two, psychologically, who the hell wants to defend a license agreement or a lease?
I guess I get what he means, because you do care less about things when they're not yours. Like, a parent will do anything to protect their kids, but if I'm babysitting... You know what I mean? Like, I'll give it a good college try, but at the end of the day, he don't look like me, all right? But look, it really doesn't matter why Trump wants something. The point is he wants Greenland.
And you can tell because his focus is 100% on Greenland.
The president referred to Greenland as Iceland. I'm helping NATO, and until the last few days when I told them about Iceland, they loved me.
OK, anyone can slip up. All right. Obviously, he doesn't mean Iceland. He's not going to make that mistake three times in as many sentences.
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Chapter 3: Why does Trump want to acquire Greenland?
Why can't you go away? Luckily, Eric Adams made a stupid commercial that answers none of these questions. Yo, Eric, is that you? Yes, it is, brother. How are you?
We're about to change the game.
If you can't make it to New York, we're going to bring New York to you. $32, man. Cash or credit card? You got some of the New York City talking? We'll get you some, brother. This thing is about to take off like crazy. Man, that acting was so bad, I thought those two were gonna have sex. No money, Mayor Adams? I know one way you can pay me.
By the way, is this why cab drivers don't pick up black people? Because they can't risk having Eric Adams in their car? And if you're wondering why Eric Adams is obsessed with crypto, turns out he relates to it in a very personal and stupid way. I was bullied in school called the dumb student. I couldn't read and people laughed at me.
And we're the same because people laughed at you when you talked about Bitcoin. Hey, come on, man. This is a crypto conference. We're here to throw our money away in crypto, not to hear about your childhood trauma, right? Adams is like, yeah, as a kid, I used to sleep on a sponge because I pissed the bed so much. And that's what Bitcoin is about.
So I still have no idea what the he's talking about, but maybe he can clarify with an even worse analogy. I want to throw a name out to you. Betsy Ross, 1776, she created our flag. That flag still stands today. And that is what Bitcoin is about. What the hell does that mean? This makes me think Eric Adams has been trying to pay for things using American flags.
He's checking out the grocery store like, hey, do you guys take flag here? But hey, look, this is America, all right? People have made money off of dumber ideas. You don't want to be the one guy who missed out on the Eric Adams gold rush. I mean, what's the worst that can happen?
Allegations of fraud are swirling around Eric Adams' new crypto coin. After initially surging to a nearly $600 million valuation quickly after its launch, an account linked to the token's creation withdrew $2.5 million, causing it to go into a free fall, losing nearly 75% of its value. Oh my God, no way.
Who could have seen this coming? Besides every single person and several smart dogs. At least when the hot tour girl did crypto, she taught me to spit on that thing before stealing all my money. Hey, you can't put a price on good advice. I mean, Eric Adams' sex advice would be like, blow jobs on the Betsy Ross of the bedroom. Look, I think we all learned an important lesson here.
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