Caller: “Is My Relationship With My Kids Unhealthy?”
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What is the main focus of the episode and who are the callers?
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How do I make sure that I'm not outsourcing my need for connection onto my kids after being single for five years and dealing with loneliness? It just has started to make me wonder like, man, there's sometimes the things that I do or like the affection I give them, is it more like for me than it is for them?
Gosh, great question. What up, what up, what up? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show, coming to you from Nashville, Tennessee, taking real calls from real people. I'd love to have you on the show. Click the link in the show notes if you want to talk about your mental and emotional health, your kids, your marriage, what's going on in your kids' schools. Whatever you got going on, give me a call and I'll sit down with you and we'll figure out what's the next right move. Let's go out to Calgary, Alberta and talk to Samantha. Hey, Samantha, what's up?
Hi, Dr. John. Thanks for taking my call.
How can a single parent avoid outsourcing emotional needs onto their children?
Of course. Thanks for calling. What's going on?
Yeah. So my question is, how do I make sure that I'm not outsourcing my need for connection onto my kids after being single for five years and dealing with loneliness?
Whoa, great question.
Yeah. Where's the line on like appropriate connection versus me creating unhealthy codependency?
Oh my gosh. Great question. What sparked this question? Was there a thing that happened and you were like, that's probably too much?
Well, it's funny because summer is usually the hardest time when it comes to this because throughout like school year, my kids are only gone every other weekend. And then during the summer, they're gone for like bigger chunks of time. Yeah. And so then just kind of when they come home, it's like the biggest deal to me, right? Because obviously like they've been gone for so long. And so... it just has started to make me wonder like, man, there's sometimes the things that things that I do or like the affection I give them. Is it, is it more like for me than it is for them? What's the line of, and I don't know if this is because like, I don't have a partner to kind of, um, glean some of that from too. If, if I'm just like looking to them for it.
Yeah. Um, let me say out of the gate, um, I mean, I've got a ride or die partner. It's awesome. And when my kids are gone for a week, they're at a summer camp or something, I'm so over the top when they get home. And I want them to feel that their dad was happy that they're home. Like a two, like I don't mind telling my 10 year old daughter, I miss dad hugs. I don't mind telling my 16 year old son, I missed, I missed my morning Hank hug. Right. So like that, that's awesome. I want your kids to know that mom's life is better when they're home. Okay. It's not a bad thing. It will make going to college hard and all that, but who cares? Like I want them to know that mom, that the home is not complete when you're not here.
which is really hard in a co-parenting situation like you're in, right? The other side of that is I don't know how this works, and I'm sure Huberman could give me a breakdown of the neurochemistry. I don't fully understand it all. It's been my experience that kids know when they are responsible for their parents' emotional needs.
it's
like sitting in a backpack. It's like wearing a backpack and then suddenly you click the shoulder straps and the around the waist strap. I'm carrying them. Right. And so for you, I think the balance is you don't have a spouse and I hear some longing there. You're like, you don't have a partner, but also I would ask you, do you have a gang of friends that you tell the dark stuff and the good stuff to? Do you have a group of friends that y'all do stuff regularly, especially when the kids aren't home regularly? Do your kids, can they feel on you that you've got other adults carrying the emotional weight of adult friendships and adult relationships so that when they're home, you can have appropriate, mom's just going to be ridiculous about you guys being here relationships.
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Chapters
6 chapters
1
What is the main focus of the episode and who are the callers?
0:05–1:11
2
How can a single parent avoid outsourcing emotional needs onto their children?
1:11–9:34
3
Where is the line between healthy connection and codependent parenting?
9:34–24:15
4
Why does the divorced mother worry about keeping her inheritance separate from her husband?
24:15–35:05
5
What should she do about her dad’s revelation that her sister may not be his biological child?
35:05–44:02
6
How can a mother set clear expectations for her aging parents caring for a newborn?
44:02–56:03