Caller: “What Does a Healthy Sex Life Look Like?”
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
I'm calling you off something. So you said that if you think trading orgasms with your spouse is a good sex life, then you're wrong. And that might have struck a chord with me. So in your opinion, what does a good sex life
look like? I'm more interested in where that struck a chord with you.
What does a healthy sex life look like for a long‑term couple?
What's going on? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. Thank you for joining us. Real people going through real challenges. I'd love to have you on the show. Well, you want to talk about your mental and emotional health, your relationships, your marriages, your kids, your sex and intimacy life, your money, whatever you got going on in your life, I'll sit with you and we'll figure out what's the next right move. Been sitting with hurting people for more than two and a half decades now. Man, I'm getting old. But I would love to join you and figuring out what's the next right move. Click the link in the show notes and we will get you on the show. Let's go to Raleigh, North Carolina, and talk to Anne.
Hey Ann, what's up?
Um, so I had a question based on maybe a month or so ago you uh mentioned in a podcast. Uh oh, is this is this bad? Oh yeah. I'm calling you on something. Okay,
good, good.
Okay. Um, so you said that if you think trading orgasms with your spouse is a good sex life, then you're wrong. Um, and that might have struck a chord with me. So In your opinion, what does a good sex life look like?
Ooh, great question. Um I'm I'll answer that. I'm more interested in where that struck a chord with you.
Yeah, I I think I was kind of surprised that it that it did. Um I've been married, um, and with my husband for almost twenty years. Um, we have sex. We enjoy it. We're happy about like the frequency and things like that. Our our kids are, you know, not little anymore. They're not they're not hitting the hormones yet. So we're in a sweet spot I think. Um But yeah, I think it just kind of hit like a, you know, uh are we doing something wrong? Is there more to what we should be doing? You know what I mean? Is there something that we could experience together moving forward that I just don't know how to tap into? Um so yeah, a lot of questions kind of uh came about when you said that.
Yeah. So I just I need to applaud you. Great, great question. And great like, hey, that struck a chord and I don't even know why. And then digging into it. And then maybe you get it strikes a chord and you realize I think he's wrong. Or I don't I I I think like in your case, I think our sex life's exactly what we both want it to be, and that's fantastic. Is that mean it's something's bad? Okay. So my oh like without a doubt, foundational answer is no. Nothing is wrong with you and your husband. if y'all are being intentional and if y'all have create co created this thing together, whatever it is that you want, that's that's what it is. And I don't remember the call where I said that, but it's a it's something that ha that the conversations especially when when folks come visit me at my house or I'm sitting with folks in their in their own homes, it comes up over and over, which is
Sex becomes a thing. that you do for me and I do for you becomes a very a very mechanical transaction.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
And the whole goal of sex becomes I've got to get off. And it's your job to do that for me. And then give me a chore list and I'll get you off and then we'll go about our lives. And so what happens in that moment when a sex life becomes distilled down to I get off, you get off, and then we part ways, then man, that's it's just Sure. It's such fertile. Ground for somebody at the office to think you're a little bit funnier than normal, and you get a way deeper emotional, intimate connection that way. Does that make sense?
Yeah, yeah, I I hear what you're saying for sure.
So Trying to think of the next right question for you. Um Can Gali, you you've uh done a great job kind of calling me out. I don't I I hate to go fishing for things that In in a pond with no fish, right? It's not a good use of anybody's time. But Do you have ideas in your head or thoughts or di when it struck a core did you think, Huh?
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:05–0:29
2
What does a healthy sex life look like for a long‑term couple?
0:29–6:43
3
How can couples move beyond a purely transactional view of sex?
6:43–26:25
4
What simple “envelope” exercises can spark intimacy and intentionality?
26:25–42:37
5
How should parents handle a school’s investigation of a teacher’s misconduct?
42:37–53:02