Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
All right, let's talk about your marriage. Right now, we have February and October weekends on sale for the Money in Marriage Getaway. It's the best marriage retreat on the planet. Tickets start at $749 a couple. Get yours at ramsaysolutions.com slash getaway.
I ended up leaving my fiance.
Did you meet somebody new?
I did and regretted it almost immediately. I don't know. No relationship is perfect and no person is going to be like your perfect person. But there was just like things that I felt were lacking.
Did you put him on the table and say, I want to be loved like this? What's going on? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show.
pulling up a seat next to hurting people all over the planet, whether you're struggling with what to do with your kids, what you're to do with a partner, husband, wife, what's going on in your kids' schools, like whatever you got, your mental and emotional health, whatever it is, I'm gonna pull up a seat and we're gonna sit down and we're gonna figure out what's the next right move.
In a world that just feels like everyone's throwing everything up on social media, that everybody's feeling this sense of doom and isolation, I'm going to hold it for you. I'll hold it with you. We'll sit down at the table, put it on the table, and we're going to figure out what's the next right move. All right, Concord, New Hampshire. Let's talk to Ashley. What's up, Ashley? How are we doing?
Hi, I'm doing okay. How are you?
I'm doing good. Thanks for hopping on the call.
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Chapter 2: What prompted the woman to leave her fiancé?
What's up?
Yes, thank you for having me. I don't know. I just kind of went through something recently.
Chapter 3: How does the woman feel about her decision to leave?
I ended up leaving my... fiance. Um, how come?
Yeah.
I don't know. That's the thing.
Did you meet somebody new?
I did. I did. It was somebody that lived in the area and I got curious about who this person was and I took it too far and I acted on it and then yeah, ended up leaving my fiance and regretted it almost immediately. And I actually just left that other relationship that I was in.
Um, and I think I want to repair things with my ex fiance and I think he does too, but we just, I don't know where to start.
How do you know you want to repair it?
Because, um, I mean, he was my best friend. I mean, we were together for seven years, engaged for a year and a half. And I don't know, I just can't, I don't know, I can't imagine like, you know, meeting someone else.
You've already done that.
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Chapter 4: What are the implications of discovering a partner's secret?
Right. And that's the thing that I can't figure out because, I mean, he was all about that. I just like was not, I don't know. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. But then it's like I meet someone else and it's like I had no issues.
You know why? Because there's nothing at stake there. It's easy.
Right.
When you build a comfortable, safe time together, it can be hard to say, hey, by the way, right now, this is me. Do you still love me? Because there's so much more at stake.
Chapter 5: What steps is the woman considering to repair her past relationship?
Right. Right.
I mean, here's the thing. To answer your question, the path back in something like this is you ask him, I would like a roadmap to rebuild trust with you because I blew your life up. I blew my life up. I blew your life up. I need a roadmap to trust. I'm personally telling you right now, I've just sat with enough couples over the years, enough individuals over the years.
You're going to get comfortable again and you're going to get bored again. And until you deal with those skills, how do you practice desire inside of a very safe relationship? What made you bored with this other guy?
You mean the one that I left my fiance for? Yep. Um, I wasn't necessarily bored with him. I, he was just like a little bit, I mean, he was emotionally and mentally abusive and controlling and manipulative. And it just like got to the point where.
But there was a part of that that drew you to him. What was it?
That drew me to like him.
Yeah, there was a little bit of the recklessness and the chaos and the... Yeah, it just felt like, you know, it was like exciting and like... That's it.
I don't know.
It got your heart rate back up.
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Chapter 6: How can one recognize the signs of unhealthy relationships?
And so you're right to feel those words. Like I'm at home now.
Right.
Until you can look him in the eye and make the ironclad commitment. I will never come hell or high water. I will never cheat on you again. Until you can do that, it's unfair for you to take your need for, to not feel so guilty for blowing the life up, to not, to take your need of, I ran from a guy that was exciting and also abusive.
And running back into the arms of somebody that you know is always going to be there for you because you all have been together for, what, half your life, a quarter of your life?
Mm-hmm.
Until you can look them in the eye and say, till death do us part, come hell or high water, that will never happen again. Until you can do that and actually mean it, I'm going to tell you to, if you care enough about this guy, don't drag him back through it.
Right. Right.
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Chapter 7: How does one navigate feelings of guilt and loneliness after a breakup?
Have the courage to go get your own apartment and be a grown-up.
Okay.
You get what I'm saying?
I do. I do. Yeah, I know you're right. And I just, I really think he wants to try and repair things because... I'm looking at a couple apartments this week and they're all like year leases. And he was like, well, don't do a year lease. You know, cause I just think that he's like hopeful that.
I know, but here's the thing. I think you want him to not feel bad more than you want to go all in back with him. And if you get back with him so that he doesn't feel bad, this 100% will happen again.
Right.
If you realize, oh my goodness, I blew up the life of my best, most loyal friend in the world. I realized I lost everything and that will never happen again. Will you please have me back? Then you all have a chance to rebuild something.
Okay.
Because listen to me, like listen, his hands are going to feel the same. And his kisses are going to feel the same. And his smells are going to be the same. And if that doesn't bring you deep comfort and a big exhale, don't track him back through this.
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Chapter 8: How can therapy aid in healing from past trauma?
Then y'all can rebuild something and it can be amazing. But I'm just hearing in your voice, you feel like you're safe now and he's comfortable. And you don't want to hurt a guy that you like. And that's not a reason to go all back in. Unless you're really all back in. All right, when we come back, a man asks how to move forward after finding out his wife has a sexually transmitted infection.
All right, we are way into the fall now, and everyone tells us that we're supposed to be looking at all the pretty leaves changing colors and everything's supposed to be warm and cozy, and that is true. But also, fall is so, so busy. I've got stuff going on with family, school, work, and the holiday plannings, and I know you do too.
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Plus, right now, my audience can get an exclusive 27% off their entire Helix order. Go to helixsleep.com for 27% off the entire site. That's Helix, H-E-L-I-X, helixsleep.com slash Deloney. And tell them you heard about Helix mattresses right here on the show. With Helix, better sleep starts right now. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. This time of year can be tough for everybody.
So I want you to make sure you check in on your friends and reconnect with loved ones. I recently just got back from visiting some old friends in Texas and it was like a cup of cold water in the desert. And just like it can take a little courage to send a message or grab coffee with somebody you haven't seen in a while, reaching out for therapy can also feel hard too.
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That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Deloney. All right, let's go out to Dallas and talk to Joe. What up, Joe? How we doing, brother?
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