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The Dr. John Delony Show

I Left My Fiancé for Another Man

19 Nov 2025

Transcription

Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

2.613 - 20.858 Dr. John Delony

All right, let's talk about your marriage. Right now, we have February and October weekends on sale for the Money in Marriage Getaway. It's the best marriage retreat on the planet. Tickets start at $749 a couple. Get yours at ramsaysolutions.com slash getaway.

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28.668 - 31.431 Ashley

I ended up leaving my fiance.

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31.451 - 32.432 Unknown

Did you meet somebody new?

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32.472 - 42.924 Ashley

I did and regretted it almost immediately. I don't know. No relationship is perfect and no person is going to be like your perfect person. But there was just like things that I felt were lacking.

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43.184 - 56.278 Dr. John Delony

Did you put him on the table and say, I want to be loved like this? What's going on? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show.

57.136 - 75.261 Dr. John Delony

pulling up a seat next to hurting people all over the planet, whether you're struggling with what to do with your kids, what you're to do with a partner, husband, wife, what's going on in your kids' schools, like whatever you got, your mental and emotional health, whatever it is, I'm gonna pull up a seat and we're gonna sit down and we're gonna figure out what's the next right move.

75.662 - 94.944 Dr. John Delony

In a world that just feels like everyone's throwing everything up on social media, that everybody's feeling this sense of doom and isolation, I'm going to hold it for you. I'll hold it with you. We'll sit down at the table, put it on the table, and we're going to figure out what's the next right move. All right, Concord, New Hampshire. Let's talk to Ashley. What's up, Ashley? How are we doing?

96.285 - 97.626 Ashley

Hi, I'm doing okay. How are you?

97.686 - 99.268 Dr. John Delony

I'm doing good. Thanks for hopping on the call.

Chapter 2: What prompted the woman to leave her fiancé?

99.288 - 99.648 Dr. John Delony

What's up?

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101.67 - 108.737 Ashley

Yes, thank you for having me. I don't know. I just kind of went through something recently.

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Chapter 3: How does the woman feel about her decision to leave?

109.138 - 118.109 Ashley

I ended up leaving my... fiance. Um, how come?

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118.189 - 119.871 Unknown

Yeah.

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119.891 - 121.193 Ashley

I don't know. That's the thing.

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121.673 - 122.474 Unknown

Did you meet somebody new?

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122.514 - 149.279 Ashley

I did. I did. It was somebody that lived in the area and I got curious about who this person was and I took it too far and I acted on it and then yeah, ended up leaving my fiance and regretted it almost immediately. And I actually just left that other relationship that I was in.

149.299 - 157.951 Ashley

Um, and I think I want to repair things with my ex fiance and I think he does too, but we just, I don't know where to start.

165.262 - 166.344 Dr. John Delony

How do you know you want to repair it?

170.931 - 194.537 Ashley

Because, um, I mean, he was my best friend. I mean, we were together for seven years, engaged for a year and a half. And I don't know, I just can't, I don't know, I can't imagine like, you know, meeting someone else.

196.279 - 197.961 Dr. John Delony

You've already done that.

Chapter 4: What are the implications of discovering a partner's secret?

575.903 - 588.697 Ashley

Right. And that's the thing that I can't figure out because, I mean, he was all about that. I just like was not, I don't know. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. But then it's like I meet someone else and it's like I had no issues.

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589.538 - 595.286 Dr. John Delony

You know why? Because there's nothing at stake there. It's easy.

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596.708 - 596.988 Unknown

Right.

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600.774 - 617.637 Dr. John Delony

When you build a comfortable, safe time together, it can be hard to say, hey, by the way, right now, this is me. Do you still love me? Because there's so much more at stake.

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Chapter 5: What steps is the woman considering to repair her past relationship?

618.919 - 619.279 Unknown

Right. Right.

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623.714 - 652.527 Dr. John Delony

I mean, here's the thing. To answer your question, the path back in something like this is you ask him, I would like a roadmap to rebuild trust with you because I blew your life up. I blew my life up. I blew your life up. I need a roadmap to trust. I'm personally telling you right now, I've just sat with enough couples over the years, enough individuals over the years.

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653.008 - 672.908 Dr. John Delony

You're going to get comfortable again and you're going to get bored again. And until you deal with those skills, how do you practice desire inside of a very safe relationship? What made you bored with this other guy?

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674.997 - 697.868 Ashley

You mean the one that I left my fiance for? Yep. Um, I wasn't necessarily bored with him. I, he was just like a little bit, I mean, he was emotionally and mentally abusive and controlling and manipulative. And it just like got to the point where.

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698.65 - 701.173 Dr. John Delony

But there was a part of that that drew you to him. What was it?

705.49 - 707.093 Ashley

That drew me to like him.

707.133 - 719.134 Dr. John Delony

Yeah, there was a little bit of the recklessness and the chaos and the... Yeah, it just felt like, you know, it was like exciting and like... That's it.

719.535 - 719.956 Ashley

I don't know.

721.759 - 722.861 Dr. John Delony

It got your heart rate back up.

Chapter 6: How can one recognize the signs of unhealthy relationships?

833.154 - 836.158 Dr. John Delony

And so you're right to feel those words. Like I'm at home now.

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837.379 - 837.66 Ashley

Right.

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839.242 - 869.248 Dr. John Delony

Until you can look him in the eye and make the ironclad commitment. I will never come hell or high water. I will never cheat on you again. Until you can do that, it's unfair for you to take your need for, to not feel so guilty for blowing the life up, to not, to take your need of, I ran from a guy that was exciting and also abusive.

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870.983 - 878.634 Dr. John Delony

And running back into the arms of somebody that you know is always going to be there for you because you all have been together for, what, half your life, a quarter of your life?

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879.936 - 880.117 Unknown

Mm-hmm.

882.22 - 896.341 Dr. John Delony

Until you can look them in the eye and say, till death do us part, come hell or high water, that will never happen again. Until you can do that and actually mean it, I'm going to tell you to, if you care enough about this guy, don't drag him back through it.

897.302 - 897.683 Unknown

Right. Right.

Chapter 7: How does one navigate feelings of guilt and loneliness after a breakup?

900.211 - 903.096 Dr. John Delony

Have the courage to go get your own apartment and be a grown-up.

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913.012 - 913.332 Ashley

Okay.

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914.254 - 914.915 Dr. John Delony

You get what I'm saying?

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915.977 - 936.874 Ashley

I do. I do. Yeah, I know you're right. And I just, I really think he wants to try and repair things because... I'm looking at a couple apartments this week and they're all like year leases. And he was like, well, don't do a year lease. You know, cause I just think that he's like hopeful that.

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938.135 - 955.632 Dr. John Delony

I know, but here's the thing. I think you want him to not feel bad more than you want to go all in back with him. And if you get back with him so that he doesn't feel bad, this 100% will happen again.

957.248 - 957.629 Unknown

Right.

960.112 - 983.863 Dr. John Delony

If you realize, oh my goodness, I blew up the life of my best, most loyal friend in the world. I realized I lost everything and that will never happen again. Will you please have me back? Then you all have a chance to rebuild something.

988.045 - 988.866 Unknown

Okay.

988.886 - 1014.289 Dr. John Delony

Because listen to me, like listen, his hands are going to feel the same. And his kisses are going to feel the same. And his smells are going to be the same. And if that doesn't bring you deep comfort and a big exhale, don't track him back through this.

Chapter 8: How can therapy aid in healing from past trauma?

1115.347 - 1144.632 Dr. John Delony

Then y'all can rebuild something and it can be amazing. But I'm just hearing in your voice, you feel like you're safe now and he's comfortable. And you don't want to hurt a guy that you like. And that's not a reason to go all back in. Unless you're really all back in. All right, when we come back, a man asks how to move forward after finding out his wife has a sexually transmitted infection.

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1146.822 - 1168.054 Dr. John Delony

All right, we are way into the fall now, and everyone tells us that we're supposed to be looking at all the pretty leaves changing colors and everything's supposed to be warm and cozy, and that is true. But also, fall is so, so busy. I've got stuff going on with family, school, work, and the holiday plannings, and I know you do too.

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1168.034 - 1189.304 Dr. John Delony

In a season that already tends towards anxiety and exhaustion, sleep is more critical than ever. And that's why I'm always telling you about Helix mattresses. When people come over and crash at my house, they always want to know about this new mattress they're sleeping on. Everybody wants to know, hey, how do I get that mattress? What brand of mattress is that? Helix mattresses are that good.

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1189.484 - 1214.724 Dr. John Delony

And here's why. Helix makes mattresses for real people, not just average sleepers. Whether you sleep hot or cold on your side, on your back, or even for a few of you face sleepers. Come on now. Helix customizes the mattress to you. I took the Helix Sleep quiz. It took like two minutes, and it gave me the perfect mattress for me and for everybody in my house.

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1214.744 - 1246.016 Dr. John Delony

Plus, right now, my audience can get an exclusive 27% off their entire Helix order. Go to helixsleep.com for 27% off the entire site. That's Helix, H-E-L-I-X, helixsleep.com slash Deloney. And tell them you heard about Helix mattresses right here on the show. With Helix, better sleep starts right now. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. This time of year can be tough for everybody.

1246.036 - 1266.685 Dr. John Delony

So I want you to make sure you check in on your friends and reconnect with loved ones. I recently just got back from visiting some old friends in Texas and it was like a cup of cold water in the desert. And just like it can take a little courage to send a message or grab coffee with somebody you haven't seen in a while, reaching out for therapy can also feel hard too.

1266.865 - 1288.013 Dr. John Delony

But if you need it, it's worth it. If you're reaching out for a new therapist, I recommend BetterHelp. With over 30,000 therapists, they're the largest online therapy provider in the world. They've served over 5 million people globally, and they have an average rating of 4.9 out of 5. It's totally online, so it can easily fit into your banana schedule.

1288.033 - 1309.78 Dr. John Delony

To get started, you just answer a few simple questions, and they're gonna connect you with a licensed therapist who fits your needs. And if it's not the right fit out of the gate, you can switch at any time for no extra cost. This month, don't wait to reach out. BetterHelp makes it easy to take a first step to find a therapist. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Deloney to get 10% off your first month.

1309.8 - 1318.79 Dr. John Delony

That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Deloney. All right, let's go out to Dallas and talk to Joe. What up, Joe? How we doing, brother?

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